Journey's blog

Saying Goodbye is Painful

Albert in blechers

I keep this picture of my twin brother, Albert, up on my website, because on June 4, 2018, he had his first anniversary of his death from lung cancer. He was addicted to cigarettes and couldn’t give them up.

He was cremated in Boynton Beach, Florida where he lived. Our modern world has turned a lot of people to cremation. My husband and I are signed up at a funeral home for the same instructions. Why? Paying $2,000-$3,000 is more comfortable than $14,000 at least, for a wake, funeral, and Mass. 

The sad part of cremation is not having a closure with saying goodbye. Since he died in Florida with no services, my heart still wants to believe he is still alive. 

He was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1990 and was told to have his voice box taken out. A Japanese doctor from Mass General Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts tried a new radiation treatment on him. He was the first person to use this.  He was cured completely and doctors from Japan came over to the USA to see the treatment and examine my brother.

How many people fighting cancer would love this gift from God of being healed? He could eat or do anything he wanted but stay away from cigarettes. No, he started right up after he was cured. Probably thinking he had new lungs. Like an alcoholic being blessed with getting a new liver. Some pick up where they left off because the liver was clean with no disease and figure they have years to drink again.

Albert lived another 27 years, but let me say, his last 5-10 were not healthy. His voice went deep, raspy, and was extremely hard to understand his speech. Family begged him to stop, but he saw no problem. He claimed his faded voice was from the radiation treatment, not the past cancer. 

Like parents and family members of substance abusers, we had to sit back and watch my brother’s life slowly leaving him, while he continued his addiction, in-between him feeling like we were picking on him.

We, who have no addictions ask, “Why can’t they stop?” We can’t understand what they are mentally and physically going through. That’s why people start their addictions because they feel they can stop anytime, or the substance will not kill them. 

I wanted so badly to know when Albert was passing so I could of held his hand leaving this world as we came into it together. 

Be at peace. We miss you.

Alberta

Purchase at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira
Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
Email: [email protected]

Where Does it End?

 

Please, God, Not Two

It’s sad enough when we lose a husband, wife, family member, or a dear friend. A child. How do you explain the pain to someone? We never know that agony someone else is feeling until you have that tragedy hit you.

We think a safe bubble is surrounding us and something that horrible will not hit us. That’s what I used to think, until the demon of alcoholism grabbed onto my husband, Richard, at 45 years of age, and that wasn’t enough, so it returned to take our daughter, Lori, at 39 years old. Yes, Lori went out drinking with her friends but she wasn’t an alcoholic, I thought.

We become huge enablers without even realizing it. We also go blind to the problems when they are in front of us. All the signs are there, our child becoming quiet, grades going down, no desire to go out with their usual friends, problems in school, scared to go out in public, no idea where they go or with whom, or look to see the other signs. 

Our world is way too fast with both parents working, kids going in different directions, no family gathering at mealtime, too much television, violent video games, and the cellphones that are glued to their fingers. 

Society has made the act of our young children turning to alcohol and drugs as a normal thing to except in this new lifestyle we have grown into in life. Nowhere do we see the death toll going down. Sex is something that used to be special to wait for until marriage, and our new world brings children into it without marriage, and at times, with different fathers. Women have stopped demanding respect.  Men assume they can have their desires with women.

Abuse between the boys and girls on drugs is high. A few dates, and our children move in to an apartment with each other without even knowing who the other one is or their background. Drugs come into play to keep the brain dead not to face the problems. 

My God, where are we going with this deathtrap? How do we stop it? We have to educate our children before they enter grammar school. Yes, bestow fear, because that is what it is going to take to make our children stop and think before jumping into experimenting with a substance that will eventually kill them. Stop thinking they are too young. They know more than the parents.

Come into my world with Lori in Please, God, Not Two after Richard’s death. Read how our children start out with drinking to keep up with friends, to block their minds on not fitting into a crowd, losing confidence in themselves, losing a parent causing them to get into depression holding that pain inside instead of talking about it, or having abortions. All these events lay heavy on our kids. Many are too young to handle problems that should be for adults. 

Communication between us and our children has slowly disappeared. Parents get divorced, some for good reasons, and our children are torn apart with handling their loss. Parents are so mixed up themselves that they get absorbed with their problems and go blind to their kids going down the path of substance abuse. No security with two parents causes confusion and fear in our child's life.

Our list can go on forever with everything in life as family goes. Our once happy children turn to alcohol, drugs, crimes, sex, pregnancy out of wedlock, they follow a family member who drinks down from one generation to another.

If something isn’t discovered to control this situation, or a solution is found, there will be few kids turning into grownups that will have an education to become important to our country and communities. We will not have leaders. Our prisons, hospitals, and rehabs for the mentally ill, will be full. 

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]
Purchase books at http://www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Interview with Sheriff Thomas Hodgson from The Bristol County Correctional

https://vimeo.com/254517198

2018 - ALBERTA AND SHERIFF PHOTO

This is my interview with Sheriff Thomas Hodgson from The Bristol County Correctional office at 400 Faunce Corner, North Dartmouth, Massachusetts. The first half hour is about my life with the last half hours talking to the women inmates at the jail. 

I can be reached at: [email protected]
My website for the addicted with choices is: www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
For my writers and followers to become authors: www.albertasequeira.org

Purchase my books at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Your Decision to Stop Drinking

Wish I didn't get sober

 

Your decision for today and so many others is, “I’m going to stop drinking.” The want is there, but now the hard work is facing you. First is the panic and being scared to death. Suddenly moving forward seems worse than staying where you are. Fighting for sobriety has to be a horrible feeling when you are hooked. 

You push ahead because you know there are benefits to being sober. At the same time, you try to convince yourself that it is not the best choice. Maybe the drinking benefits seem more familiar and safe. Maybe they outweigh the consequences.

First, know where you stand with honesty. If you don’t want sobriety don’t fake it. Why? If you heart isn’t in getting sober and staying sober, you will fail and hate yourself for each time you fall backwards, each time you pick that next drink up. 

For some reason your excuses seem to make sense. I’m not an alcoholic. I might take too many drinks at times. I can control my drinking. I just don’t want to. If it’s a problem, it’s a small one. There is too much stress in my life to not have a drink available to get me through the pain. If it is a problem more than I realize, I can’t stop. I’ve tried. 

You want sobriety? Then take and honest survey of yourself. Where do you stand on changing your life and health? Maybe the knowledge that this hard work will take months, years or decades, is frightful. This is your life, and you are the only one who can decide your fate. 

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]
Purchase books at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Want a good book to read

MARITAL ADVICE

I usually don’t advertise too many book on my site, but this is a winner. What a gift to men getting married, a man trying to understand women in general, a bachelor gift for a party, or anything relating to marriage for a man. 

Peter Davison took a loving message to his grandson and turned it into a book to share with us. Go to Amazon.com and purchase this book. You’d be amazed at the advice.

As for us women, Peter told the truth, girls! We are complicated!!

.Marital Advice

When my grandson, Joel, got engaged, I decided to jot down a few words of marital wisdom for him, based on my vast experience as a husband. Then I thought, why share this wisdom with only one person when I can share it with the whole world. So, I started a blog, listing new marital advice every week. As the popularity of the blog grew, people suggested that the material should be turned into a book and, well, here it is! Sure, much of the advice is off-the-wall and wacky, but it’s also an upbeat, humorous look at married life that any engaged or married person can relate to and will find insightful and fun to read. Even unmarried people can enjoy the book and, who knows, it might convince some of you to take the plunge, or perhaps confirm your belief that being single is a blessing. Advice to Joel, and to any man, includes: make sure that you buy a roll of electrical tape before you volunteer to do the vacuuming–and why, how to deal with your wife’s steely-eyed, clinched-jaw scowl, known as “The Look,” how to answer your wife’s questions such as, “Does this dress make my ass look big?,” the warning that your mouth will get you into a whole lot more trouble than your Willy ever will, and how to create the world’s most powerful anniversary card for your wife. Virtually all of the material in the book is presented in the form of upbeat stories, scenarios, and examples. This is not the type of advice that you’ll find in a textbook on marriage or in a book on marital relations written by some psychiatrist. This is the real stuff for real people.

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
alberta.se[email protected]

So You want to Write a Book

 
Bring Your Manuscript
 
So you want to write a book. It’s scary not knowing anyone who can help you. I teach workshops for writers and decided to write handbook for those of you who can’t attend or can’t afford them. 

I’m going to take a few topics covered in my handbook Bring Your Manuscript to Publication. 

INTRODUCTION TO WRITING

Welcome to your world of writing. It all begins with a thought for a great story. The next step is to start writing your first sentence. You don’t need to spend every spare moment at the computer. A half hour a day will bring your story together. Pushing aside your desire to write will never fill your dream of having that special book published.

Publishing your work can happen if you persevere and keep your confidence. Famous writers had to start where you are now. In the beginning, don’t worry about making every sentence flow together or panic because they make no sense. There will be numerous times going back to recheck your grammar, punctuation and spelling. You may find it necessary to reword sentences. Those corrections should be in the last stages.

A computer is a gift and a best friend to a writer. Its function keys allow you to cut, paste, copy, delete or add a page from the internet to your manuscript. Remember, most mistakes can be fixed.

One important fact that I suggest is to SAVE your material with each paragraph or page that you finish. If you take a break, if there’s a storm, SAVE your work on a CD before shutting everything down. You’d be surprised how many hours of work can be lost. If it’s gone, you will learn what frustration is all about when you try to remember what you finished writing; you know, those perfect thoughts! 

When done for the day, SAVE your work on a CD. Make it a habit that you write your fresh, new, daily entries at the start of each day in your manuscript in the computer and SAVE the day’s work on the CD. It is easy to get mixed up if you start one day writing on the CD and saving the work in the computer and then the next day starting in the computer and saving on the CD because you will over-riding pages of entries with your finished work. I made this horrible mistake with my first book for months forgetting which location I started my writing last, where it was saved, and it deleted important information that I could not remember. Remember, work on the computer, Save on the CD at the end. Make this a routine practice. 

Keep a pencil and a pad of paper in the living room, kitchen and bedroom. Some of the best material seem to come during the wee hours of the night or morning. Have one special location to store your notes. Type them daily into your document. It saves paperwork from piling up or your notes getting lost. 

Buy a tape recorder (prices can start around $40) and carry it with you everywhere. How many times have you been out and some fantastic idea for the book hits you? By the time you get home that thought could be gone forever. 

Here are all the topics covered in my handbook for $10 or under on Amazon at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Contents Page
Bio of Author 3
Introduction to Writing/How to Develop a Good Story 4
Taking Breaks/Keeping Receipts
Emails/Writer’s Groups
Outlining Your Thoughts
Characters/Plot
Research/Posting Thoughts, Editing
Outlining Your Story
What is a Hook
How to Open with a Hook
Grammar Problems
Words to Avoid/Your Last Step Editing
Where to Find Editors/ Reference Books
Getting Published
Agent or Publisher
Different Ways to Publish
Becoming Your Own Publisher
E-Books/Query Letters
Sample of Query Letters
Synopsis
Sample of Synopsis
Book Proposal
Book Cover/Title
What Happens after Publishing/Media Kit
Difference Between a Rich and Poor Author/Websites for Authors
Perseverance
Albert’s Contact info and Published Books

Alberta Sequeir

Our American Heroes

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The first hero in my heart was my father, Brigadier General, Albert Gramm, one of the commanding officers of the 26th Yankee Division during WWII. He fought in the battle of Metz, Lorraine, and the battle of The Battle of the Bulge.

He lived in East Falmouth and So. Dennis down Cape Cod, Massachusetts with my mom, Sophie Gramm.

vetsday96

There are countless men and women who have given up their lives in foreign countries to keep us safe and alive. Our blessings and thanks go out to the ones still fighting wars that seem to have no end. 

Albert L. Gramm’s life can be read in A Spiritual Renewal: A Journey to Medjugujore. It can be purchased at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]

End of Word Press Helping Writers

 

How to Self-Publish

What a shock! Like everyone else who is after making money off the authors, CreateSpace has started the same hunger step to have authors pay from a choice of 3 different companies to help you get your book formatted for publication. 

I wrote a book How to Self-Publish Your Own Book with CreateSpace. The content of their words to describe what you have to do or what you did wrong, is explained in my book. The remarks will still be of help for free to help you understand how to publish with CS. If you hit in search templets for books, they will have it set-up for you to add your manuscript directly to the size you want for your book. 

CreateSpace has MANY roadblocks for the writer. I noticed when going in to ask a question, they had it posted, but once you hit on the topic, they said it was no longer available. 

So, CreateSpace now has you where they want you. They hope you will put the money out to have their company do the publishing, making money for them. You have no choice if you have never done it before. I went absolutely CRAZY for 4 months trying to get my first book into their site, understanding what everything meant, and had no other author friend help me. They found their steps so confusing that they paid publishers to do it for them. 

I don’t see any reason to update my handbook on how to publish with them. My steps should help you. It was easier for me back then feeling safe with their 24/7 help force, but I myself may end up confused. It’s been 8 years since my last time working to self-publish with them. Never knew until a week ago that they stopped their services. 

Here is a review from someone who bought my book How to Self-Publish Your Own Book with CreateSpace. Click on www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira and my books will show up. The price is $8.00. Better than paying for a three-hour course to attend. 

From Amazon site:
Reviewed How to Self-Publish Your Own Book with Create Space
Great read!
Definitely helps with writing a book for the first time! It helps with various different parts! Thanks so very much.

Have a great day!

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.org
Email: [email protected]

Believing when we lose a loved one

 I realize that I write mostly on substance abuse, but I’d like to talk about why I wrote my very first book A Spiritual Renewal; A Journey to Medjugorje.

Spiritual Renwal

This is not a book just for women. It’s about my not taking advantage of getting to know my father, Albert L. Gramm, before he died in 1990. He was a retired Brigadier General in the Army and served in the 26th Yankee Division becoming one of their commanding offices during WWII, fighting in some famous battles like; Metz, Lorraine and The Battle of the Bulge. Yes, so many of us let our parent’s lives go with them when they leave this world. We forget they were young at one time.

I watched my father die slowly from cancer at eighty years old as he laid in his bed each day. I unexpectedly called in work on a Monday morning stating I was taking two weeks off to spend my last moments with him. Since I handled the largest account of the company, my manager was upset with no replacement that day. At the time, my need to be with Dad was stronger than leaving him. If they let me go, I felt secure that another job could be found.

He lived with my mother, Sophie Gramm, my brother, Joseph and his wife, Marge in South Dennis, Massachusetts, located down the Cape Cod area. They both lived for years in East Falmouth, Massachusetts. The morning of his death, Cathy Valeriani, Vice President of the Ashumet Valley Property Owners, Inc. came to tell him, they were naming the main entrance parcel of Ashumet Vally to be known as the AL GRAMM PARK. The location is at the corner of Route 151 on Nathan Ellis Highway and Fordham Road in East Falmouth. You can’t miss the tall American flag flying at the large stone. Chathi arrived around 10am and Dad passed at 5am that morning. He never heard the news.

Lucky I did not go to work Monday, because the following Friday, when I would have been returning, my father passed. I would have been at work. Instead, I stayed with him before being taken to the funeral home. 

I had many blessing before his left us. He gave me a special gift opening his eyes the last time while I faced him in the rocker staring at him. His warm, lovable smile went through my heart like a flame and has stayed burnt in it since he left. Thinking back to him showing me his love with that grin, still melts my heart. It brings a smile to my face. 

I watched him holding his rosaries every day and night trying to concentrate as he said them. My sister, Leona, asked if he wanted us to say them for him. I never in my life learned the rosary. We are all given them at our First Holy Communion. How many know how to say them? Here I was at 42 years old not knowing this beautiful prayer. I said them along with my sister and two sister-in-laws. I learned that this prayer was about the lives of Jesus and his loving mother, Mary. 

Leona gave me his beads when he died. He had them his whole life and placed them in his pant’s pocket wherever he went during the war to say them. He promised Our Lady that if she got him home safe to his family, he would say them until his death. He was struggling to keep that promise dying in bed.

His death was a gift to me, because I had left the Church for 15 years from being bitter that God had deserted me while I tried to hold my family together with an alcoholic husband and two daughters. At the time of my father’s death, I realized I not only needed God back in my life, but that I wanted Him. Opening up my heart to God, made me see that it wasn’t God that left me, I left Him. I shut the door on Him. 

I had choices living in fear, confusion and abuse with alcoholism in our family. Instead of leaving and keeping the girls safe, I became a great enabler for over fourteen years, damaging my daughter, Lori. If I hadn’t had God in my life, I would have not survived her death or my husbands from this worldwide disease. 

I took their deaths and made them into books. In this one, I show how God became my life. We will never know why He takes our loved ones, especially the young. We have to wait until He calls us. I wrote about Richie and Lori’s life ending with the conclusion written by 34 alcoholics and addicts about what we are missing as family to work together for them to desire the want to recover. 

This is a book of love, family, death, God, and having our faith return. It doesn’t matter what your religion is that you practice. We are all His children.

The book and the others can be purchased at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

It’s a wonderful book to give as a gift to someone in the hospital, sick, dying, someone who has lost their way, or one for you to open your heart to reality….We are here for a short time. Love one another each day! We never know when God will knock on our doors.

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
Email: [email protected]

What would I have changed?

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What would I change after losing my husband, Richie and my daughter, Lori, from their alcohol and drug abuse? I’ve been asked that question numerous times.

I would have let the laundry wait until I had a cup of coffee to ask Richie and Lori how their day went the night before. Who were they with? Did anything unusual happen? 

I would have taken the time to sit down calmly and talked about what the family went through with them coming home in a blackout; talking about Richie’s actions bringing fear and confusion into the family, especially his two young daughters. I would have mentioned the abuse he was starting with me physically and mentally on his daughters. There would have been no fights or yelling talking to him. I would have stopped the enabling and possibly helped him.

I would have made demands the first time problems started to show. If he had no desire to get professional help, I would have protected our children instead of him. If the family does not make rules and forbid any abusive or mental actions within the family, we innocently drag the substance abuser deeper into their addiction and damage our family members for life.

So, my advice the day after an event of confusion and fear is to have tried harder to communicate. Ignoring the situation makes everyone think that the alcoholic life is normal.

Most importantly, I would have told them I loved them more often and wrapped my arms around them to show instead of telling. I would have let them know I didn’t hate them, it was the disease I hated.

Alberta Sequeira
Email: [email protected]
Website CHOICEShttp://www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com

Purchase books: www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

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