Your decision for today and so many others is, “I’m going to stop drinking.” The want is there, but now the hard work is facing you. First is the panic and being scared to death. Suddenly moving forward seems worse than staying where you are. Fighting for sobriety has to be a horrible feeling when you are hooked.
You push ahead because you know there are benefits to being sober. At the same time, you try to convince yourself that it is not the best choice. Maybe the drinking benefits seem more familiar and safe. Maybe they outweigh the consequences.
First, know where you stand with honesty. If you don’t want sobriety don’t fake it. Why? If you heart isn’t in getting sober and staying sober, you will fail and hate yourself for each time you fall backwards, each time you pick that next drink up.
For some reason your excuses seem to make sense. I’m not an alcoholic. I might take too many drinks at times. I can control my drinking. I just don’t want to. If it’s a problem, it’s a small one. There is too much stress in my life to not have a drink available to get me through the pain. If it is a problem more than I realize, I can’t stop. I’ve tried.
You want sobriety? Then take and honest survey of yourself. Where do you stand on changing your life and health? Maybe the knowledge that this hard work will take months, years or decades, is frightful. This is your life, and you are the only one who can decide your fate.