So sad avoiding help


I went to an Author’s Expo last night and met seventeen new author friends. What was sad was how many people are affected by a loved one’s drinking. One man was divorcing after thirty-five years of trying to help his wife give up her drinking. I’ve been there, done it. We chattered, and hopefully, he left with some encouragement to go on and pray she sees her life in reality and gets help. 

I could hear and see the draining hope that left him, and more so, the love he still had for his wife and marriage. I had a small breakdown during those hard times trying to “save” my husband. It took all these years after his death in 1985 dying at forty-five, and years of learning, they have to want the help to recover. Meantime, the wives or husbands turn ourselves inside out trying to find the way for them. We remember the fights and abuse because we were sober during those hours, while they remained in blackout not remembering what they said or did.

The pain comes when the disease distroys their organs and we watch them die. Nothing is more painful than to give the doctor permission to take life support off your loved one. I watched my daughter, Lori, come into this world, and watched her take her last breathe leaving us as the machine went flat. A death that could have been preventable. As a non-drinker or drug user, we can’t fathom how they can’t reach out to get professional help to live. 

There is no way of healing without admitting first that you have a problem; wanting the help, giving up and staying away from your drinking or drug user friends, don’t attend their parties you know the use will be easy, don’t meet that drug dealer around the corner; don’t follow your friend to give “them” support, or go back to your habit because it is easier than trying to get clean.

Remember one thing; those people you think are your friends would surprise you. If you died today, they would pick right up with someone else to hang out with to drag down to their level of drowning in their habit with substance abuse. It’s true…”misery loves company.” 

Changes! A frightful thought and action. You’re so used to doing nothing but drink, use drugs, or overuse prescription drugs, that your lost on how to fill your days. Your mind was never clear enough to remember or worry about what you did.

Now, you face reality. Scary! Anything new is. Giving a speech is just as panicky. Substance abusers have to go through the step with drying out. That alone takes a toll on your mind and body coming down; the shakes, body aches, hallucinations, depression, clammy skin, fatigue, insomnia, irritability, mood swings, or serious seizures. Instead of being petified seeing the results, realize these are symptoms your drinking and drug use are doing to your body. 

Lets jump ahead to recovery. There is no cure for alcohol abuse except staying away from it. Miracles have happened to others and they come out of their actions with no problems. Don’t ever go “cold turkey” and stop all at once. See professionals to help you. This could kill you. 

I have never had a problem with drinking so I can’t judge the ones who do. Seeing my husband and daughter die from it, I have one drink…once or twice a year, and stop. Never had two. Does it make me better than you? No. I’m lucky not to have that gene where I can’t stop. 

So my friend, throw in God or Who you call your Higher Power. You’ll never be alone. Go to your place of worship. Make friends with people with ambitions, love their families, believe in God, stay active without substance abuse, get a hobby, sign up to go to school to get the degree you want (don’t have money, look for organizations that will fund your schooling), go to meetings and only hook up with the ones serious with recovery, or help in your community. 

I pray daily for substance abusers. I talk at event in private or publicly to give you strength, let you remember you’re worth something, learn to believe in yourself, and continue on the path for good mental and phyical health. You fall? Get right up again and walk to the light.

Alberta Sequeira
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