East of Boston

Flying Squirrels and Funeral Slaughter

Things really aren't going well for your favorite Smurf. I've been laid up for months, and it has hindered my ability to type for a long time. I've had to get all my snarkiness out in comments, many to the poor bloggers on this site.

Anywho... I owe you all an entry. I want it to be as much fun as I can make it, without making my arm go numb (which happens when I type a lot). So, I surfed a bit... and came up with these videos:

Richard Dudley : [OT] Squirrel Launcher 

"I was shocked when I saw this, and felt a great sense of pity for the poor squirrel... then I went out and built one myself."

I have no idea if the squirrel lived/broke bones/enjoyed herself etc... but I can't get away from the thought of a young couple walking hand in hand down a quiet suburban street. They love each other, and they suddenly pause in the street and exchange a gentle first kiss... and then a flying squirrel slams into their faces at 110 mph.

Life is good... unless your name isn't Rocket J Squirrel, but you look like him.

SO WE PWNED THIS FUNERAL TODAY: SERENITY-NOW.ORG - Google Video

This is a long download, but it's worth it. World Of Warcraft  is one of those Dungeons and Dragons kind of games that people can hook into a mass server and play online against anyone in the world. It has about 6 million users.

Well, make that 5,999,999. One of them died (IRL) of a stroke or something. She was popular among the gamers (she was described as "a good mage and a good person"), and they decided to hold an in-game memorial to her. They posted the information on a message board, and invited her friends to attend. They even planned to videotape it, so they could send a copy to the girl's family.

They say that all's fair in love and war, and the people at Serenity Now.org decided to pay a visit to the funeral- which was being held in an "open combat area" near a lake that she fought many battles at, or something. Serenity Now is a "guild" in the game, and they don't play fair.

One man's memorial service is another man's opportunity to catch many of his enemies unarmed and unsuspecting. Serenity Now got an army together, and slaughtered everyone at the funeral... all caught on video, and set to a Yesterday/Where Eagles Dare soundtrack.

As the army lay in the woods just outside the funeral, an advance man went into the funeral and killed the "mage" representing the dead girl. Serenity Now attacked, and dozens of funeral goers were slaughtered as they undoubtedly waxed philosophical on how evil this raid was.

The advance man even made a speech as he stood over the dead girl's body. "She liked lakes, and snow... and PvP gaming." The people on the message boards were less civil.

"I hope your father dies of AIDS, then some naked guy shows up at the funeral, tips the casket over, starts slapping people while going "LOL Owned" and someone releases a video of it."

Tiger Shot

I hit shots like this at the minigolf in Wareham pretty much all damn day.

A girl I went to high school with is pretty high up at Nike, and she said that the ball pausing at the cusp of the hole- while giving you a nice view of the Nike logo- added two kids to her marriage.

Dalmation dog riding a bike in Japan - Google Video

Once I taught Sloppy Dog how to drive my Jeep, she's never home anymore... and she comes home smelling like cat.

I'd advise against this, as dogs don't know the rules of the road, and could get run over by a cement mixer fairly easily while blowing off a stop sign. They could also wander into someone's squirrel catapult, and get flung into Plymouth County. I've seen it happen.

Hamster Escape

If the film The Shawshank Redemption were made with hamsters, this little fella would have Samuel L.'s Oscar.

I'm still trying to find the other great hamster video in my bookmarks- no, it doesn't involve Richard Gere. It's a hamster who must be on some Barry Bonds steroids, and gets to spinning a bit too fast in the hamster wheel, before gravity takes over.

Parking Lot Fight Sucker Punch 1991 - Google Video

Enough cuteness... let's see someone get popped!

Drunks like to look for small people to bully, especially if they're hanging out with a really pretty girl. This can be a bad move, because that hand on her shoulder can easily become a fist in your face. Considering how hard this guy's head hit the concrete, I'm amazed he bounced right back up.

Spirit of Truth

This guy preaches at the Dolemite Baptist Church. I've heard about religious folk who could cuss (they say Stonewall Jackson may still hold some kind of record), but this guy makes Scarface look like a Seventh Heaven  episode.