Cape Cod Baseball League

Daisuke Matsuzaka, Bourne Braves?

I couldn't think of a better title.  Sadly, the chances of us seeing Daisuke Matsuzaka in the Cape League are pretty much Slim and None... and ol' Slim just left town, pal. 

The Sox basically dropped the 2003 defense budget for the nation of Latvia (I actually looked this up) for the rights to negotiate and sign this Japanese fireballer. They're not gonna let him wreck his elbow throwing off a dune in a cowtown park. I can't even see him pitching in Pawtucket. He's Show-Ready.

It's his loss, though. The Japanese tourists I see on Cape Cod usually seem to be enjoying themselves. There's plenty of cool things to take pictures of. He'd appraciate the time at the beach, and fried clams would most likely surge to the top 10 of his favorite American foods. He might even get laid. That's worth 3 innings a week.

It's also a shame that we fans of the Cape League don't get to see Daisuke Matsuzaka pitch, especially in the intimate setting our parks provide. You'd be able to tell if he does one of those Bruce Lee screams as he throws a heater. You could learn how to say "hello" in Japanese (pronounced "こんにちは," incidentally), teach your kids to yell it at him... and he'd most likely hear it and wave to them.

Maybe he'd even buy them a hot dog. He can afford it. Maybe we could, too. He'd most likely- by his mere presence in the Cape League, let alone by attention drawn to his North American professional debut- bring throngs of tourist dollars to the Cape. Somebody'd better figure out Clam Sushi.

Some other things I'd like to have seen from 50 yards away without dropping $1000 and sitting with 40,000 screaming Boston drunkards:

- If a batter takes exception to Daisuke Matsuzaka (who we will call either "Dice" or "DAM," because I have no intention of writing Daisuke Matsuzaka for the rest of this article... let alone the 6 year length of his contract) throwing at him and charges the mound... will Dice fight in typical baseball fistfight style, or will he utilize martial arts?

- Dice and a catcher mixing up the signals,the catcher trotting out for a conference... and a translator running out from the dugout.

- If Dice started here, he'd become one of "ours," and we'd have added incentive to root for him. I'm talking about the same vibe one may associate with a popular neighborhood pol gone national. 

- The Gyroball.

This is the best part about Dice. He's supposedly one of the very few pitchers capable of throwing the Gyroball, which is a new sort of pitch. Reputedly developed by Japanese scientists, it is described as a wicked breaking slider with a bullet-like tumble to it.

There's even some mystery to it. Many people doubt the existence of the pitch. The Japanese have a strange sense of humor. It may amuse Dice to have his opponents studying hours of tape, hoping to pick up insight on how to deal with a pitch that he doesn't actually throw.

If the Japanese aren't mistaking a breaking ball and this new pitch exists, I'm happy that the Sox foes are the ones who'd have to deal with it. From what I've seen, it somehow seems to start breaking outside before curving back in.

See for yourself. Here is purported video of the Gyroball... and yes, I do feel like I'm trying to run Loch Ness Monster footage past you:

YouTube - Daisuke Matsuzaka Gyroball

Now... that's a pretty sweet pitch. Still, if I got a good turn on it, I could bash that s*** into Wellfleet. Dice may be hot stuff back in Seibu or wherever, but  he's off the porch with the big dogs now.

Just kidding. I'd most likely drop the bat, squeal, and cover my face with both arms if a pitch broke like that on me, but I'm French.