Nantucket

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's has come and gone. 
For some people so have their New Year's resolutions.

I've never been a big fan of New Year's resolutions.  I usually make some sort of half-hearted attempt at promising myself that I'll do something better in the New Year but ultimately, I usually forget what it was that I promised myself I would do in the first place.   The other day I was trying to remember what I had told myself I would be better at this year and couldn't even remember what the hell I had resolved to do.  This is probably because I probably made a bunch of little promises to myself.   I'm sure that most of them were such a bunch of feel-good fluff that I never really meant to follow through with.   I'll bet this is true for a lot of people.   

Some New Year's resolutions are easy to spot on Nantucket. 

One of the major New Year's resolutions I see a lot of on Nantucket is people who resolve to get themselves into shape.   This is probably true in a lot of places.   People promise themselves they are going to lose 10  (0r 20 or 50) pounds, or take better care of themselves or whatever.  You see them out walking on the bike paths on Nantucket (sometimes in packs of 2 or 3 people;  safety in numbers I guess) and you think to yourself (as you drive by):  "Hmmm . . . I never see old so-and-so out walking.  Must be  a New Year's resolution."   This is usually followed by:  "He better keep on walking. . . he's really let himself go . . ." whilst chomping down on the second ham-and-cheese croissant of the morning. 

This  get-in-shape Nantucket New Year's resolution phenomenon tends to be more noticeable when you see someone that you've known as a driver all of their life suddenly out riding on a bike.   Sometimes you do a double-take to make sure it's who you thought it was.  Arms and legs akimbo, helmet on (usually backwards), and weaving dangerously all over the place.  Might as well be wearing a sign that says "WARNING: Attempting New Year's Resolution - stay BACK 500 feet!".

 Since I'm also a Spinning instructor at the local gym, I get to see a lot of bright-eyed Nantucket New Year's resolutioners walk through the doors of the gym the first week of January.  Intent on whipping themselves out of their holiday food-coma, they arrive with purpose and conviction, ready to strap themselves into whichever exercise machine has the biggest TV built into it.  Yes, fortunately for most resolutioners who are apprehensive about the sweat and pain they may incur at the gym, we, as a culture, haven't lost sight of the need for a TV to be installed on virtually every piece of gym equipment nowadays.   Don't worry, you can still watch Oprah (or "Real Stories of the Highway Patrol") while you flail away at Level 1 (easiest) on the "eliptical" trainer, which, seriously, looks like someone was kidding when they designed it.  Think cross-country skiing only you can ski backwards.  Yeah . . . I don't get it either.  Honestly though, for the most part, many American gyms are more comfy these days than a lot of peoples' homes.  You actually have to try pretty hard to work up a sweat. 

Many resolutioners arrive at the gym with visions of a svelte Dan Marino after a couple of weeks on NutriSystem.  Because with NutriSystem, he's in the "best shape of my life" . . . for real?  Was he in bad shape when he was a highly paid professional football player?  Now apparently all the ex-football (and baseball) players are shilling this stuff.   But many resolutioners balance their visions of those washboard abs with the fear of  looking like an idiot whilst trying to operate anything more complicated than a 5 lb. dumbell.   Rest assured, we all look like idiots on most of the equipment they have in gyms these days.  Even the most seasoned gym-goer has been known to shoot off the back of a treadmill every now and then.  No one even notices.  Their eyes are glued to the TV in front of them.  In my mind's eye I often think how ridiculous we look on this stuff.   Can you imagine someone from Afghanistan or Iraq walking into an American gym and seeing people on these machines?  Or in an aerobics class?   They'd be baffled as to what the hell we were doing to ourselves.

After a couple of weeks (right about now usually), the new sweatsuits, headbands, water bottles, iPods and yes, spandex, start to lose their appeal to many resolutioners.  Not that some of these things ever really made one feel good about those extra pounds since, at least as far as spandex goes, it tends to be pretty unflattering to most of us who are carrying a few dozen extra pounds.  This is particulary true for some of the more garish colors that look more like warnings to other deer hunters than cutting-edge fashion statements.  I think mostly this stuff is designed to show other people that you are "serious" about your workouts and to somehow convince yourself that, dammit,  you are too.  The brighter the colors, the more "serious" you must be.  I usually wear black.

Let's face it though.  Getting out of shape is easy (and tastes good).  Getting in shape is tough (and the food usually tastes like crap).  I have to say that the most successful and committed people that I see in the gym are either a.) competitive athletes of some kind, b.) have probably spent some serious time standing in front of a mirror naked and are horrified by what they see or c.) those who have had a significant health scare and essentially have a gun to their heads along with doctor's orders to take care of themselves or else. 

I wish good luck to all those who are giving it a shot this year though.   Remember that it takes more than a date on the calendar to make it stick.  I usually tell people to "start" their commitment to get into shape on a random Tuesday at noon and to only do about 15 minutes of exercise for the first week or so.  Takes the pressure of expectations off and allows you to set small, incremental and reasonable goals.  This also gives you time to make a thoughtful decision about how bright you want your spandex to be.   Once you get over the instant-gratification syndrome that Americans have come to expect and realize that even with amazing inventions like the "Ab-Lounger" (seriously? . . . you "lounge" while you work your abs?) and wonderous delicacies like NutriSystem food deliveries and its groundbreaking "glycemic advantage" (whatever the hell that means) it's all a process.   There aren't any easy ways out. . . sorry.