Cape Musings

Lancaster murder and mitigating factors

Euphemism of the day: "Domestic Abuse"

I'm impressed by the Boston Globe's reporting on the Lancaster murder.   By early Monday, they were able to paint a more substantive picture of what may have happened Easter day on Coach Lane. 

   Today's Cape Cod Times article pointed out that the term "mitigating circumstances" is being tossed around a lot  (the Time's wryly called it "the euphemism of the day"), and noted that it is still "unclear" if those factors played a role in Sunday's shooting.   

True enough, but the picture of Gryboski standing bruised and battered at the courthouse yesterday paints a thousand words. "Euphemism of the day" or not, the picture is chilling and at the very least, asks us to entertain the thought that there may have been mitigating circumstances.  I thank the Times, though, for planting that seed of doubt, lest all of us armchair detectives jump to our own conclusions.  

Here's my euphemism of the day: "Domestic Abuse."  

It's only alleged in the Lancaster murder, but it's certain to bring the topic out from under the bed again.  And that's a good thing.  Domestic violence is a big problem on Cape Cod.   According to WGBH reporter Brian Morris, in a story he penned about the Clothesline Project,  "The Cape and Islands have the highest per-capita rate of domestic violence in Massachusetts, an alarming trend often fueled by substance abuse and the pressures of surviving in a volatile seasonal economy."   

We are reminded today that domestic violence occurs in all socio-economic groups, in all towns and in all neighborhoods.  It's an equal opportunity offender.    I once lived near a woman whom I merely suspected was being abused.  She was quiet and rather meek and her husband seemed aggressive.  I heard him yelling from across the  white picket fence on more than one occasion. Sometimes I wouldn't see his wife for weeks and the children were forbidden to play outside.  I tried to make contact with her when I'd see her at school from time to time, hoping to reach out and let her know she had a friend in her neighborhood, but that was all I felt comfortable doing.  I had no proof that her husband was abusing her and she certainly never walked out to her mailbox looking like Dr. Gryboski did yesterday.  

 I'm not surprised that Gryboski's neighbors aren't lining up to tell torrid stories about violent episodes they'd overheard in the house on Coach Lane--if, in fact, such abuse took place.  So what?  Do you honestly believe that domestic violence is advertised on a family's front stoop?  It's a shameful thing.  It's underground.  It's hidden.   

 And the old "Why didn't she go for help?" question is sure to pop up if the facts support Gryboski's claims.  Shame on you for asking.  We all know why women don't go for help.  We see it over and over again.  

"The question we should have for any abused woman," says Mary Starr, Executive Director for the Cape Cod Center for Women, "shouldn't be 'why didn't you go for help, but rather, why was she hit in the first place?'  Where's our sense of outrage?"  

Starr said she was listening to WXTK this morning on the way to work and the murder was the topic of the day.  She pointed to three or four calls made by male listeners who insisted that Lancaster was the nicest guy they'd ever met.   I say blah, blah, blah.  So was Ted Bundy when he wasn't bludgeoning someone to death.  Child molesters have candy in their pockets, too.

  Starr says no matter the outcome of the case, she's hoping that domestic violence takes center stage for a while.  Me too.  Let's interrupt our normally scheduled programming for this important report: Domestic abuse is a big problem on Cape Cod.  

Starr also hinted that the coordinator position for the county's domestic violence department may be on the chopping block next year.  It's a $10,000 a year position and we can't afford it.  

So, let's wait for the facts to emerge before jumping to conclusions and avoid the tendency to use "mitigating factors" in a rush to judgment.  That's only fair.   

But take another look at Dr. Gryboski's face in the paper today.  And be ever so cognizant that an awful lot of bad things happen around here, and by the hands of people whom to their neighbors seem "so nice."      

Fact: 1,200 calls were made to the Cape Cod Center for Women's hotline last year.  The women were calling to ask for help in domestic abuse matters.