Minutia

Pardon me, my subconscious slip is showing

Yesterday's parallel universe

Do you ever feel like you exist in some semi-alternate somewhat parallel universe?  You know, physically you're where you're supposed to be and to the collective whole you function as you always do.  But something's askew and you're the only one sort of noticing and unfortunately it's usually not until after a long day of odd looks and perhaps undocumented damage.  Without a doubt many know what I'm talking about.

Like that look I got from the cashier at Shaw's after he/she bid me the ever present quasi-sincere, "Have a nice day!"  I was aware of my corporal self smiling and nodding and I believe I responded in kind.  In fact after I opened the car's trunk, loaded the bags in and turned the key in the ignition, for a second I wondered why the cashier had such a bewildered expression.  No worries, off to the bank and the gas station (which should have preceded the perishables in the car but apparently my cognitive powers are being affected by misfiring synapses). 

"Of course I'm only imagining this dialogue, being Oblivious Me I couldn't retain all of that but I'm sure it was that bad ...or worse." As I pulled into the gas station and pulled that little lever to pop the trunk I got this strange feeling something was amiss.  Delayed realization from the grocery store has me wondering aloud, "What did I say?" and further contributes to my out-of-sync-ness and diminishing power of speech and/or command of the English language in the following manner.

Gas Station Attendant:  "Regular or premium?"

Oblivious Me:  "Nice day too, sorry."

GSA:  "Regular or premium?"

OM:  Finally managing to turn off the radio and the car but accidentally closing my window save one inch, " $20 please."

GSA:  "Regular or premium?"

OM:  Briefly turning on the ignition to open the window again and worrying the whole time about those posted warning signs and being engulfed by a potential fireball I ask, "Did I open the trunk?  Would you mind closing it?  That's all I need - my food all over Rt. 28!  Haha!  Oh and umm, oh yeah, could you fill it with regular."

GSA:  "Could you open the gas tank?" as he emphatically points and taps on that little door on the side of my car.

OM:  I pull the other little lever nod at him and wonder what Eastern European nation he's from.  Bulgaria maybe?"

GSA:  "Cash or credit?"

OM:  "Sofia?"

GSA:  "Cash or credit?"

OM:  "Debit?"

GSA:  Rather impatiently, "Sign here, yellow copy is yours."

OM:  "Here you go yellow copy is yours, right?  Oh and I think that's my pen and don't forget my $20 cash back."

GSA:  Taking the white slip and pen, "We don't do that here, good-bye."

OM:  Talking to myself driving away, "Strange.  Well, the language barrier.  I guess I'll have to go to the bank after all."

Painful exchange, huh?  Kind of feel like punching me, don't you?  Of course I'm only imagining this dialogue, being Oblivious Me I couldn't retain all of that but I'm sure it was that bad ...or worse.

Last night after watching the uncharacteristically well acted Will Ferrell in the movie, Stranger than Fiction, I realize the very thing that was absolutely driving his character, Harold Crick mad could quite possibly be the very thing to save me from madness, a third person omniscient narrator.  To have someone narrate accurately my word, action and even thought as it happens would be an eye opening experience.  To have the opportunity to amend things or even just attempt to pull my size 7 foot out of my mouth would be refreshing.  Too bad Cary Grant is gone, his suave voice and comic timing would be rather nice to listen to.  Nat King Cole probably would have been better, smooth, jazzy and maybe even dotted with a song here and there.