Speaking Turtle's Cafe

He Seemed Like Such A Normal Guy, Says Neighbor of Paul

BARNSTABLE – It has been quite a week for Peter Paul, a 29 year-old roofer, accused of having an autosexual relationship with a Chevy. The quite life that he led has changed completely. His neighbors all avoid him and try to hide their cars when they see him coming. He is not allowed within 500 feet of any Chevrolet car dealership, and he comes home to find toy cars pinned to his front door each day. “He seems like such a normal guy.” Said one of Paul’s neighbors, “rather quite, kind of kept to himself. He used to like to wash his car behind the house.” One neighbor bristled with horror at a memory of the number of times he loaned his car to Paul to run errands. Each time, Paul brought the car back washed and vacuumed. “Probably hiding the evidence.” quipped another neighbor. There was a collective shudder as they recalled the time that Paul took a bus load of neighborhood kids to the go-kart track. “Who would have thought?” mused one woman. A warranted raid on Paul’s house, two days ago, revealed that Paul was a collector of niche car magazines and internet based photos of go-carts. He has not been formally charged with the new findings.