The Opinionator

Should Kids Be Invited to Weddings?

You would think the etiquette books and the literature on wedding planning might contain helpful information on the subject.  That doesn't seem to be the case.  It can be very entertaining watching the kids dance at a reception; maybe someone can amuse them with balloon animals as Vince Vaughn did in "The Wedding Crashers."  For those who think the attention should be on the bride, not the kids, this is a problem.  For the bride who says her wedding is "all about me," sharing the spotlight might be undesirable. Others feel that they would decline an invitation if their children cannot go to the festivities.

Children belong at wedding celebrations more than anyone else. They are  a central reason for couples to marry.  Who but those among the most selfish of us would restrict children from wedding celebrations? Clearly, it is a family celebration, not just an adult fling. What a lost opportunity to shape the future to shut kids out of weddings. In another time, in most other cultures, it would be seen as outrageous to exclude kids from weddings.  Weddings need to promote children, not marginalize them.

Alternative menus and seating arrangements to accommodate children are impressive innovations to deal with the reasons why some wedding planners may not welcome kids. It shouldn't be out of the question to negotiate for free food be supplied to children at a wedding.  Don't wait around for restaurants or caterers to come up with child friendly options, there's money to be lost in being this accommodating. Brides and other wedding planners are the ones who can bring this child alternative about widely. Evening weddings, of course, are harder for the very young and perhaps wedding people will have to make a decision about time of day vs. child inclusivity. 

Some might argue that having children at a wedding will restrict the enjoyment of adults who think their kids need to be watched like hawks. This problem could be handled, at least partially, by supplying a children's room and employing a sitter or child supervisor.  The role of overseeing the guest book and the punch bowl is usually seen as an honor.  Could we add the role of childcare coordinator?

Of course one way to handle the problem of kids at weddings is to do what you want. The RSVP process isn't followed very strictly by many people, anyway, and there are instances where couples stick a lengthy list of uninvited children names on the return invitation or simply just show up with a flock. You'd think that might tell wedding planners something.

I hope child free weddings will become a thing of the past.  My memories of attending weddings of aunts and uncles many years ago stand out as peak events of my youth.  It is, indeed, a very big deal for an eight year old boy to be asked to dance with a beautiful bride.