Op-Ed

Estonia Taxes Farmers for Cow Farts

Please Don't Tell Al Gore

By Peter Robbins

Farmers in Estonia received their first "Cow Fart" tax demand on Monday. Following the issues of global warming, Estonia cited that a single cow produces 350 L of methane gas and 1500 L of carbon dioxide a day from flatulence and burping.

Can't you see it now! The economy in the United States is approaching the tank, the liberals are examining every source of potential revenue they can find to pay for their failing "feel good" programs. How long do you think this will take? It will reach us faster than the killer bees did I'm afraid. Imagine, Al Gore getting in his "Eco Friendly Private Jet" and holding a news conference about cow farts and global warming!

Lets see, were paying the farmers to produce grain for ethanol, supporting the research into the mating habits of exotic flies, taxes up for the smokers to pay for a mandatory health care program that was never funded, schooling and health care for illegal aliens. There is no need to continue. It all has to be paid for, its just a matter of when the fart tax hits.

Carbon Fart Offsets

"No Johnny we can't get a dog, we can't afford the fart tax."Consider this, the tax is not going to save the ozone or stop global warming. You pay the tax, but cows still fart! Kind of like paying extra to offset your carbon footprint. It doesn't make a difference but I guess it feels good. What's next! Do birds fart? How about cats and dogs ? Consider lions, and tigers and bears, oh my! What about you? Explain this to your children, "No Johnny we can't get a dog, we can't afford the fart tax."

With all the absurdity going on, don't be surprised in the future if you have a new IRS form to fill out. The 1040 F.A.R.T. Form, the government is so good with their abbreviated acronyms.

Flatulence Accounting Record Table

The new 1040 F.A.R.T. form, Flatulence Accounting Record Table, will I'm sure be based on a billion dollar study, that will derive a formula from weight and size of all animals and pets, which will result in another liberal tax increase to stop putting holes in the ozone and assist in the global warming fallacy. Will the tax help? No, because everyone and every animal is still going to pass gas!

Hey maybe Cape Codders will get a reduced rate with the wind farm blowing all the methane north!
Peter Robbins is a native Cape Codder of many generations, an avid photographer, licensed captain and family man. Now retired, Peter and his wife have a private investigative and consulting business, confronting and resolving difficult issues throughout the country and abroad. He can be reached by email here. His Robbins Report is a regular feature here.