One Day at a Time

The Alcoholic Bedevilments

Link: http://gourl.org/dsfaq

by Danny Schwarzhoff Sr.

There is a whole breed of folks today who like to say that they, “Go to meetings to hear what happens to people who don’t go to meetings.”

Does that sound a little sick to you? I mean, what kind of a person lives off of -- and looks forward to -- the misery of others? When did AA become a society of parasites? What kind of sick masochistic prick would think such a thing? It gives me the heebie jeebeies

In a way it reminds me of the NASCAR race fan theory where fans flock to races, not to rejoice with the winners, but to take pleasure in the potential and actual wipe outs, injuries and suffering of others. You know . . . just having to look at the train wreck - there's a sick pleasure in it for some. Now, I happen to love NASCAR racing, but I am one of those folks who get into the whole race - the car, driver and race histories - the particular race issues - the worn tires, the fuel consumption, the wet track, the dry  track, whatever. Man, I am telling you,  one NASCAR race has got more issues going for it than a week of "Days of Our Lives" espisodes.

This brings to mind page fifty two.  Most alcoholics I know can identify with what we call the "bedevilments". I had opportunity not long ago to review "The Bedevilments" with a newly sober alcoholic at a treatment center where I was working. We laughed together, just reading it, as she blushed with total recognition.

This is a common response. It accurately described the way she lives - the way we all live until we discover the truth about our malady, decide to do something about it and then vigorously pursue the solution.

If your Book is inconvenient - or if  you are too lazy -  here they are,  straight off of page fifty two.

1. We were having trouble with personal relationships,
2. we couldn't control our emotional natures,
3. we were a prey to misery and depression,
4. we couldn't make a living,
5. we had a feeling of uselessness,
6. we were full of fear,
7. we were unhappy,
8. we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people

Pretty messed up way to live, huh? My life was rife with every one of these – before and after I stopped drinking and became an ardent “Meeting Maker”. Just "showing up" was certainly no panacea for misery I tell you. It is one thing to "Just don't drink and go to meetings" and it is a whole 'nother thing to "Just don't' drink, go to meetings" and be happy about it.

Today that has been turned around a hundred and eighty degrees for me – because I have recovered and when that happens we become God reliant instead of meeting and people reliant - and so I don’t go to meetings looking for fellow commiserates with whom to identify and feel better.

These days I don't have to identify with another suffering alcoholic. I already went through that alcoholic identification when I was first twelve Stepped into the Fellowship of the Spirit by a man who was armed with the facts about himself - who KNEW something about alcoholism and KNEW how to tell me about it.

Now "Still suffering" alcoholics have to identify with ME! -- So THEY can recover from WHAT I HAVE to bring to THEM!

I have ALREADY recovered and received my gift! Recovered folks such as myself identify with these bedevilments of the past and one of the reasons we seem so grateful after we recover is that although we recognize them - we also know well that these are no longer integral posts of our existence, like they were before.

This is a wonderful lesson one can learn and practice out of the Big Book, "Alcoholics ". When just "reading" it - this is not be so apparent - but it DOES become operative once someone practices the few simple "RULES" detailed so precisely in that book. It is a well written and detailed set of proposals that becomes a new design for living.

Everyone has some sort of "Design for living" - whether they think so or not. We tend to THINK we are free from such when it is based upon self - but one thing I've learned is that we can also be SLAVES TO SELF -- and even that is not freedom.

The Twelve Step design is different than that way most of us live because it is totally altruistic and ego deflating - and from that comes true freedom.

Un-recovered -- a.k.a. "recovering" -- alcoholics can find themselves needing to constantly be looking for way to get  'more' out of their lives - discontent - going from meeting to meeting -  and listening for that elusive, new and "Happy-thought" du jour - to take home like the top shelf teddy bear prize from the shooting gallery at some Karmic midway - so that they can feel good about their lives - so they can forget that they are living on page fifty two of the Big Book. God forbid.

Peace,

Danny S