Off-the-Shelf

Flock of Comments - Part 6

Those of you out there in blogosphere-land who have followed my blog over the past three years (yes, Mom, I mean you) have perhaps noticed that whenever I'm stalling for time or experiencing writer's block or busy mowing the lawn or suffering from a prolonged neurotic condition I simply post a smattering of my past comments. It's a quick, inexpensive way to post an entry ... although the content may not make much sense to the reader. But then again, what was Jackson Pollock up to with all that splattering paint?! Abstract expressionist!!

So, with no apologies, and with no sense of spellcheck, I present the following segment of what I like to call Flock of Comments (for lack of a better name) - Part 6, I believe it is:

In response to The Case of the Green Monkey

2/19/08   10:46 am

I have a phobia of CLOWNS, but also of snakes, eels, many types of fish, tax forms (especially form 4562 - Depreciation & Amortization!), undercooked meat, anything that's left in the refrigerator too long, reality TV shows, any politician who claims he knows God personally, anyone standing nearby with a runny nose, anyone who speaks with me for longer than five minutes on the same subject, anyone who doesn't believe in evolution, carnival folk who attempt to get you to pay $2 to throw three wooden rings in a fruitless attempt to win worthless junk, porta-potties, and CLOWNS! Oh ... I'm sorry, I already mentioned CLOWNS!

In fact, long ago, at the circus, I saw a clown stepping out of a porta-potty at the Barnstable Fairgrounds and I thought I was going to pass out!

In response to The Case of the Green Monkey

2/19/08   6:45 pm

I find the whole "clown package" creepy. I'm not certain that it's just the red nose or the big feet or the annoying flower that squirts water ... it's the whole clown thing. Blaaaarrrrggg! They give me the shivers.

So, to answer the question, everything about a clown scares me!

In response to The Case of the Green Monkey

2/19/08   7:00 pm

"And where are the clowns?

Quick, send in the clowns

Don't bother - they're here."

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
(Apologies to Stephen Sondheim)

In response to Crumpled Paper

5/2/08   8:14 am

I'm currently working on a musical based on the life of Trotsky, it's entitled "Trotsky - The Man, The Myth, The Goatee."

As for Nevsky, I always thought his victory over the Livonians in the famed "Battle of the Ice" in 1242 A.D. had something to do with the Stanley Cup hockey finals -- my mistake. Boy, I wish I had lived during the 13th century. It seems that anyone who won a battle in the name of God in those days was made a Saint!

On a different subject, in some places the price of a gallon of gasoline is now eclipsing the price of a gallon of milk. What kind of a world have we created for ourselves where we have to choose between milk and gasoline?! Next we'll be choosing between food and medicine! Or between the electric bill and the heating bill! Or between Red Sox tickets and Celtics tickets! It's insane!!

In response to Skullduggery

7/14/08   5:59 pm

Boskop Man, with their large brain, learned all there was to learn here on the good planet earth and departed just before the last ice age for warmer climes on a planet in the Rigel system (constellation Orion).

They quickly took over the planet from the simian race that inhabited it and eventually became so bored that they blew it up with their out-of-control nuclear technology. Fortunately, the simians learned the secret of space travel just in time to escape the destruction. In fact, they're on their way here to planet earth ... should arrive in the next couple of years ... and boy, are they ticked off!!!

By the way, archeologists have discovered fossils of another early human, known as Bosox Man. According to evidence unearthed at dig sites throughout the northeastern section of the United States, all this creature appeared to do was sit on a couch and watch Boston Red Sox games. He eventually went extinct when the beer and potato chips ran out.

Jack Sheedy