The Phantom Cyclist

Wonders of the Cape Cod Bike Trails 6

The purpose of this series is to give you a look at some of the remarkable sites along - or near - the Cape Cod Bike Trails. They're a part of the rich history and charm of Cape Cod not recorded in the works of H. D. Thoreau, Joseph Lincoln, Henry Beston, Mary Higgins Clark, Robert Finch or Robert Crais. By reading about them, I hope you will gain a closer, more imtimate and meaningful appreciation of this unique little island paradise, as you pedal merrily along its bike trails.

Bob's Discount Appliances, Eastham.

  Empty the station wagon and make haste to the town dump

Bob's Discount Appliances, located at the back of the Eastham town dump*, has been a bargain hunter's paradise for decades. And, unlike BJ's, Costco or Sam's Club, you don't need to buy a membership. Just walk in. Pick up your treasures. Pay - and head for home with that glint of sheer satisfaction in your eyes. You get great bargains - for a fraction of what it would cost - even at Sears Sale Days, Joblot or Christmas Tree Shops.

I first discovered this hidden gem while riding along the Cape Cod Rail Trail's upper portion. Now into its second generation of ownership, Bob's caters to families on a budget - who know a good bargain.

When I was writing, hosting and producing "Redneck Gardening" for cable TV, I learned a lot of creative ways to re-use everyday household items. And with the treasures waiting to be found at Bob's, I guaranty you there is no end to the variety of uses you can put these old appliances to.

So, what has Bob's Discount Appliances got for you? A better question is: What hasn't Bob's got?

Need a beer or beverage cooler? Try one of Bob's top-loading washers. Just add ice - and voila! You're in like flint! Tired of opening all those cans of Hawaiian Punch for your Summerfest with a puny hand crank or punch type can opener? Just pick up an old Yamaha 185 HP from Bob's 'marine shed', place it in a 55-gallon drum, toss in the cans, fire up the engine - and watch the propeller blade neatly slice the tops and bottoms off instantly! All you have to do is remove the metal pieces - and your ready to make your Summerfest guests as 'Pleased as Punch'.

And, how could I forget those electric can openers. They make great finger and toe-nail trimmers. Be sure to buy several boxes of band-aids, just in case. NOTE: The ASPCA asks that you please don't use these for trimming your pet's claws.

Need a new TV stand? That old front loading washer will do nicely. And when you get tired of flipping channels, you can watch your own reflection in the door glass. "Look Ma!, I'm on TV!" The FLWs also make great tropical fish tanks. The only problem I've encountered so far is in feeding the fish. Whenever you open the door to put in the food, the water - and the fish - escape quite rapidly. Perhaps some creative thinking would solve this problem. But, not being a collector of fish, I'm afraid this is a bit outside my area of expertise.

Used stoves make great TV stands, too. And the doors/drawers in front can hold videos and video components like DVD players, Nintendo games, etc. Stove doors also make great coffee tables - or dinner trays for 'real men'.

And what about those heating elements from the stove top? Well, they're a little bit too large for the 'fashionistas' to use as ear, eyebrow, lip or nose rings. But, they are great for something else - instant wall sculptures or coasters for soup bowls. You can even paint them. And what about that stove clock? How about using it for a tongue ornament? When somebody asks you what time it is, you just unroll your tongue and answer their query. There's a piercing salon right next to the swap shop that will be happy to accommodate your request.

And speaking of salons: How about saving big bucks and doing your hair at home. One of Bob's used clothes dryers fills the bill nicely. After you've dyed and rolled your hair, just place your head inside the dryer and turn it on. In just 10 minutes, your hair is ready - and your wallet is still full. This sure beats the old 'dry your hair in a microwave' method first made popular by those country and western belles.

Restauranteurs 'in the know' are aware of how well Bob's clothes dryers function as salad spinners -- if you remove the heating element. For that reason, they get snapped up almost as soon as they arrive. If you're lucky enough to get one, be sure to clean out the lint trap and any dead animals before using.

Need an 'entertainment center' that's also a conversation piece? Look no farther than Bob's. They've got a great selection of old refrigerators that you can cram a studio's worth of entertainment electronics into - including your TV. Most of the doors have been taken off these for safety reasons, but if you scout around I'm sure you'll find one there. For an extra special 'crème-de-la-crème' entertainment center, look for an old LG fridge with the freezer part below. You can store your cold beer there for when you're watching NASCAR races, and never have to leave the room - except to take a wiz. If you're into watching PBS instead of NASCAR and 'reality shows', you can chill several dozen bottles of wine in the lower fridge. Truro Vineyards, just up the road, has some excellent choices.

Another great use of the refrigerators is replacing those old 'bathtub madonnas'. Instead of letting "Maddy" fry in the sun, get drenched in the rain or freeze in the snow, you can keep her nicely shielded and out of harm's way. Just put one of Bob's fridges in the back yard, place the Madonna in it - and all your wishes will come true if you also tell 7 friends within 7 days of doing so. This 'transformation of the refrigerator' has become so popular, there is a rumor circulating about bringing back the "Blessing of the Appliances" day that was once a fixture of Cape Cod life. Let's hope/pray for the best.

Bob's is also a feast for the fashion conscious. Into decorating your own clothes? Bob's want's to be your fashion supply store. Sequined jeans are out - knobby jeans are in! For that exclusive 'Cape Cod Country Look', just sew - or hot glue - a variety of appliance knobs onto your faded jeans. You'll be the talk of the town. Guaranteed.

Bob's Garden Center adjunct also offers some prime items. Need an air conditioner, but you're turned off by expensive electric bills? Just mount one of Bob's old 'pre-owned' lawn mowers in the window, fire it up and begin sucking that hot air out of your house instantly. Even with gas hovering just under $4.00 a gallon, you'll still be on the plus side with cash when compared to the Cape's electric rates. Be sure to use a blade guard - something from a charcoal grill, perhaps.

Need a cheese grater, but you're not inclined to pay Williams Sonoma prices? Bob's Garden Center has the answer. That old Scott's lawn spreader is the ideal way to spread Gorgonzola, Mozarella, Parmesan, etc. Fill it up with cheese, heft it up to your shoulder, - and crank away! If you set the spreader dial at '6', you won't even have to move around the table. You can spread the cheese to every plate right from where you stand. Be sure to wear a large plastic raincoat -- and warn your dinner guests before you start cranking.

Bob's Discount Appliances is so popular that it hasn't gone unnoticed by some outsiders. Now there's hidden market well below the radar: Foreigners. With the weakness of the dollar, many people in foreign countries have discovered that the treasures of Bob's Discount Appliances can be bought cheap - and sold dear in their countries. They arrive in their Armani suits, load up the rental truck - and spirit their finds off to Logan airport to be shipped home. Some of them spend their whole vacations at Bob's. And I can tell you that this is really helping to decrease our trade deficit. Hurray for Bob's!

There also seems to be a new trend in motion, right here on the Cape. The Rich nobs with their Trophy homes are trying to fit into the neighborhoods better (trying to be more like the locals, to ease tensions) - and they've taken up decorating their lawns and back yards with appliances from Bob's. But, in my opinion, I think they've just run out of expensive things to buy - and broken appliances are the last bastion of acquisition for the rich. That's my take on it, anyway. Or, maybe they've gotten to the point where they just have to have everything - period! They usually drive up in an inconspicuous 5-toned (4 shades of rust) Chevy Lumina wagon; but their Sydney Bespoke custom-tailored shirts and Di Fabrizio shoes are a dead giveaway as to the social class they inhabit. The old faded 'Billionaires for Bush' bumper sticker is also an instant clue.

If you're ready for bargains galore at way below discount prices, empty out the station wagon or van and make haste to Bob's Discount Appliances at the town dump* in Eastham. Happy shopping!

Hours are:

Summer Hours: (Begin 7/7/2008)
Friday - Wednesday
7:30 AM - 4:00 PM
Closed Thursday

Winter Hours: (Begin 9/5/08)
Saturday - Wednesday
7:30 AM - 4:00 PM
Closed Thursday & Friday

Swap Shop Hours:
8:00 AM - 3:00 PM

Closed all Holidays

Don't forget the 5% sales tax, if you're a Massachusetts resident.

NOTE: All items sold 'as is'. No returns. Some items may be exchanged at the discretion of Bob's employees.

*Now called the 'Transfer Station'. This term has caused some confusion among the Flex and Breeze bus riders -- and a new name may be needed to help eliminate the long lines of pedestrians waiting outside the gate.

-- The Phantom Cyclist