East of Boston

Waiting and Prognosticating

Elle here.

Boss Stacey is up to bigBigBIGBIG stuff, and she may be telling you about it Monday, as soon as it is official. Might be Tuesday, but we're like really, really close.

The only hint I'll provide is that "the Monponsett empire is growing."

Until that day comes, we're all business here at the Sports desk... and business is good, as we have a weekend full of playoff baseball and NFL football.

You may have noticed that we sort of don't talk about the Ed Soxray much in this column, as the previous history of the team is such that Stacey can become extremely upset about what seem- to me, anyhow- to be inconsequential regular season games. It's really safer for us to just talk football today, trust me... she's nervous lately, and she has a tendency to erupt.

Now, with football, she's calmer... even with our local Mr. Touchdown laid up for the year with a ruined knee. She may actually have repressed this, but we'll worry about that after Tuesday.

As for today... let's prognosticate...

Chicago vs Atlanta

Only people with a grand knowledge of history know that this is a battle between the two towns known for disasters that were actually named after someone personally... the Atlanta of Sherman's March To The Sea, and the Chicago of Mrs. O'Leary's cow. We'll bet on the cow.

Chicago, 16-14

Miami vs Houston

Miami beat the two AFC finalists of last season, one of which involved a rout. They're relaxing in Houston this weekend, before taking on the 1986 Bears and the Mongol Empire.

Houston, 21-20

Baltimore vs Indianapolis

Peyton Manning and I don't agree on much, but we're 100% together on this one:

Indy, 27-10

Detroit vs Minnesota

Whoever loses this game will be so mad that they'll wander north of the border and beat Canadians.

One of Stacey's better SPED stories involved one of her students who raised his hand to interrupt her History classroom. It went something like this:

"How hard do they really look at your car when you cross the border?"

"Border to where? Mexico or Canada?"

"Vermont."

Stacey relates this as one of the several occassions where she saw fit to strike one of her students.

Minny, 17-13

Cincy vs NY Jets

Cincy would be well served to fire the coach- who, I might add, seems likable enough- and hire a Warden.

NY Jets, 17-16

Carolina vs Tampa Bay

It's been a few months since she showed me the listing, but Stacey and i can find you a beachfront 4 bedroom time share in Duck, NC for $35,000. We'd only ask for a small finer's fee.

Oakland vs New Orleans

 Why, in a game of huge people, you always want to have at least one really, really fast guy:

St. Louis vs Washington

Washington isn't playing that badly this season for a team who counts its' best player as "deceased."

Washington, 20-14

Jacksonville vs Denver

It doesn't relate to this game, but Stace and I got a little Batman costume for Sloppy Dog to wear while we trick-or-treat this year. I'd get a pic now, but- again- you'll have to wait.

Denver, 20-17

Dallas vs Arizona

Arizona will lose, but their players will suffer less from allergies than the Cowboys will.

Dallas, 30-17

Philly vs San Francisco

How to get your coach to scream at you on national TV... watch closely...

Green Bay vs Seattle

I think this game is in Seattle... but at every Packers home game, they should have a guy dressed as Fonzie jump stuff on his motorcycle.

Sure, it's silly... but it's also the perfect length for a halftime show that will still allow you plenty of time to get some more bratwurst or whatever they eat in Wisconsin. You may also get to see a pseudo-Fonzie killed.

Green Bay, 28-27

New England vs San Diego

I'm sure that San Diego will be really proud to finally beat the Pats in a meaningless October game where our best player is on injured reserve and most of the fans are thinking of the Red Sox.

Sandy, 28-10

NY Giants vs Cleveland

The Brady Quinn era should start right about the time someone from that brutal Giants defensive line gets his huge behemoth hands on that skinny neck on Derek Anderson. Besides, look at how buff Brady Quinn is!

Giants, 27-6