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One Day at a Time

A blog for recovering Cape Cod alcoholics and their families to share their experience, strength & hope.
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Dr. Bob's House Cleaning

So here is Dr. Bob - drunken goat of a medicine man - colorectal surgeon actually - Yeah I've referred to him as an "ass doctor" too - but why not afford the man the respect he deserves for a change - a man with a terrible drinking problem and he is hanging out with this group of holy roller Jesus freaks who call themselves the Oxford Group. His poor wife Anne had dragged him there - hoping to find him help. Only it was not working.

We see this type of failure to solve the problem all the time today - when real alcoholics leave AA to "Go to church". They can go to church all they want but unless there is a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism or a "spiritual awakening" as it is used in AA parlance - nothing happens except that we now have a drunken alcoholic churchman.

Maybe you know a few. Hell, maybe you know a few actual clergy who have not yet found the spiritual solution to their problems. I have met several. You would not want to live inside the head of an alcoholic cleric - trust me.


Bob does eventually 'get it' and recover from alcoholism but not doing only this. Something had to change and it was Bill W and what Bill brought with him to add to Bobs spiritual pursuits that kicked Bob over the fence to permanent sobriety


When we take a historical perspective of the events that came to pass back in the day - back in Akron - we tend to focus on Bill's actions with regard to Doctor Bob - what Bill did to carry the this message to him and that is well and good and of extreme import - but just for moment let’s see if we can also examine not Bills action but Bob's
REaction to Bill's action. What were the results of Bills actions and how did it directly affect Dr. Bob?

If you will recall, Bob was going to give Bill only fifteen minutes of his precious time at Henrietta's place (See photo below) -- time he probably would have preferred to spend getting rid of his hangover gotten from his last drunken escapade when he somehow manages to sprawled himself under the Smith’s kitchen table - and after coming home from shopping for Mothers Day potted plant for Anne. Yeah right Bob. You’re e as potted as the plant pal.

Bob has planted himself into the midst of a serious group of spiritually minded folk who have a way of life that will later be the very base formation of the Twelve Steps - yet the solution still eludes him. What could be wrong? Why isn’t there a spiritual solution for ol’ Bob Smith?


Simple. He never cleaned house. He had not inventoried analyzed and come to grips with his resentments his fears and his harms to to others and he had not completed making his amends to all he those owed. He had not made it his life’s ambition to be of maximum service to God and his fellows.

If he had been in an AA Group - which he was not at the time - there weren't any yet - he would have been quite the dead weight there - being absolutely useless in maintaining his Group's Primary Purpose. All he did was "Go to (Oxford) meetings" , and “suit up and show up." It failed him. Bob is no ordinary EtOH abusing fool. He’s a real, true alcoholic. Dyed in the wool.

At Henrietta’s when he heard Bill speak from the perspective of someone who shared his exact same problem - the message that Bill carried - THEN the Oxford message could begin to take on depth and weight. Bob could truly identify with Bill, so much so that the fifteen-minute meeting which began at 5PM did not end till 11:15.

Do not forget these were two Oxford 'Groupers' who were meeting for the first time. Not two AAs. There was no AA yet. One man, Bill, was working the Oxford Program. The other man (Bob) was "Just showing up" - not placing those six Oxford tenets into his life.

Although he had the Oxford Group for several years BEFORE Bill had ever even HEARD of them, it was working for Bill and not Bob because Bill was actually working the Oxford tenets. Sounds like the varied results we see in AA today, does it not?

The groundwork for the Twelve Stepping procedure that we find detailed in the Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" was being created -- a process which far too many of us do not know enough about. Bill did not
talk to Bob about his drinking escapades. Bill came to Bob with the allergy theory and the obsession of the mind theory and tied these into Bobs already existing spiritual knowledge.

Bill combined
what he knew of alcoholism with the God solution of the Oxfords. But he would never have been able to do it unless Bill knew of alcoholism and used that hook.

I cannot even begin to be helpful to other sick and suffering alkies in a way that brings them to the common solution without all of these tools -- the same tools with which that Bill worked on Bob.

" . . . the ex-problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished". (18:2)

Little or nothing! The ex- problem drinker who is yet un-recovered, or still recovering -- who has no idea what it is about him that makes him fit "our description of the alcoholic" (60:3) cannot win the entire confidence of another alcoholic - not in a few hours - not in a few years - not ever. Nothing will be accomplished except perhaps to confuse the poor son of a bitch and maybe even kill him.

So why on earth would anyone want to say something as stupid to newcomers as
"I don't know how this works all I know is that it does"? Gag me with a spoon!

Peace,

Danny S

29 comments
Blog posts and comments are entirely the thoughts and ideas of the people who write them and in no way represent the views of CapeCodToday.com, eCape, Inc., or its employees or owners.

10/18/08 @ 8:51 am
Jonathan [Member] writes:
Judge not, lest ye be judged. I think the twelve step program left out one important aspect-anger management. In my opinion you sould like a sober, yet very angry and judgemental individual. I think it's zealots that often turn people away from the help they need. I truly believe AA needs to take a step back from the whole spritual self-righteousness and instead focus on helping people in a more secular and non-jugemental way. I am of course assuming that you speak for the organization as a whole.
Peace
10/18/08 @ 9:51 am
Danny S. [Member] writes:
I get such a kick out of people who pejoratively judge others as being "judgmental". It's hysterical. I speak for myself not ANY organization - especially not AA.

Personally I don't form ad hominine opinions of bloggers, posters, writers and the like - people I have never actually met and probably will not meet. What are the chances that I would have enough information to form an accurate 'judgment? Probably no chance. All I have ever end up with is an opinion - and imaginary characterization - so far from the truth that I end up all eggy faced.

Then again I just might BE angry, self-righteous and judgmental and you could have guessed right on. I might even be a liar - a cheat - a sex pervert - a wife hitter and a tax evading traffic ticket scofflaw. Who knows? Could be. Regardless, your opinion of me is none of my affair. - DJS
10/18/08 @ 10:08 am
Danny S. [Member] writes:
I was so busy defending myself Jon, that I forgot to actually comment on the part of your comment that had some relevance - and I want to. Sorry about that.

You might be interested in knowing that AA is not a secular fellowship. It is a spiritual fellowship. It proposes a Program of recovery that is moral and spiritual.

To say AA should be secular is like saying a Kosher deli ought to sell more pork chops. Oil and water, bro.

The good news is that if you were alcoholic - you would be free to pursue whatever works for you - God - Satan - Edgar Casey - Dr. Phil - Oprah - Depak Chopra - hell Jon, you could even go to AA meetings without EVER learning a damned thing about the AA solution - just hangout out, tell dirty jokes, drink burnt coffee and oggle tramp-stamped drug addicts with wedgied thongs on metal folding chairs ---- OR just drink to the bitter end blotting out the consciousness of your intolerable situation as best you can

What I decided was to accept spiritual help. And I have never regretted it nor has my family.

Ain't America cool? DJS
10/18/08 @ 2:09 pm
Jonathan [Member] writes:
I apologize for appearing to judge you. I tried to stress that it was my opinion, and you are free to discard it at will. I do feel that the emphasis on a Christian God seems more exclusionary than inclusive. Who says all alcoholics are Christian?
Despite the statement that alcoholics are free to choose whatever path to address their illness, your arguments for the most part tend to make fun of or minimize any non AA approaches to alcoholism. You state "We are suffering from an illness that only a spiritual experience will conquer" This does not allow for other options,now does it?
You have stated flat-out that other treatment plans, rehab, medical approaches etc. "don't work" That doesn't sound very flexible either.
I am sincerely not intending to put forth an "ad hominim" attack. It is what you say, rather than who you are that leads me to my opinions. To call "Bob" a "Poor son of a bitch" indeed sounds judgmental and angry. So let's just say that that is how you come across, perhaps not who you really are. Peace!
10/18/08 @ 5:10 pm
maverick [Member] writes:
DJS...I think you should stop attending church and start drinking again.

Then you might make some sense.

Holier than who? You! Give me a break.
10/18/08 @ 8:28 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
Jon, you are a mench - no apology needed! You are right that I have stated that rehabs/facilities ect. do not work. That, by the way, is not an opinion only - it is an observable experience of mine. I say it because I have NEVER seen one of those institutions provide the alcoholic with a means for the " personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism". And we alkies are suffering form an illness that only a spiritual experience can conquer. We are not suffering from an illness that a good counseling relationship or an anger management course can conquer. I have seen these traditional-humanly applied methods help many non-alcoholic alcohol ABUSERS -- who just happen to have wrecked their lives from drinking too much/too often -- stop drinking and get their lives back in order. But that is because they are not true alcoholics. They are just heavy drinking assholes. (cont)
10/18/08 @ 8:29 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
But I HAVE myself and been a witness to precisely that happening to those who have a spiritual awaking - a transformation of being by turning their life and will over to God. I have seen it happen to people who take and practice the Twelve's Steps as well as to those to adopt a new way of life through a more religious affiliation. In either case these are folks who are never again plagued by alcoholism - or much of anything else either. (cont.)

Anger is the death knell to all true alkies Jon. It kills more alcoholics than you can imagine. If I were still an angry guy - which I very much was prior to recovering - although it was very internalized and no one else really knew - I would not be able to stay sober. I am going to scribe a blog about anger. You have inspired me buddy boy! Thanks.

DJS
10/18/08 @ 8:33 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
Aside from funerals and weddings I have not been to 'church' since I got married - in D'Bronx 1979 - exactly thirty years ago this coming July. I do not subscribe to ANY organized religions and don't belong to any either. Talk about misjudging - man are YOU barking up a whacked out tree on that one. DJS
10/18/08 @ 9:17 pm
Jonathan [Member] writes:
I never said you went to church, just that you state a religious awakening as the only true path towards sobriety. Church or not, that is exclusive, not inclusive and does little to serve the broad-based problem of alcoholism that plagues people of many faiths. I regret that you think I am "whacked out" for disagreeing with your version of things. I am trying not to make this personal. This is just a discussion, right? I stand by my opinion that your comments reflect an outlook that is self-righteous, judgemental and angry. All it takes is one look at the caricature of a sneering, drunken priest to give a hint. Your triple posts also reflect that well.
Why don't we agree to disagree,OK?
Peace! Jon
10/18/08 @ 9:33 pm
maverick [Member] writes:
Jonathan...DJS is here for attention. His pulpit speaks to no one other than himself. I wish he could speak to the masses without giving us a life history.

Danny, Bill and Bob. Sorry for your problems. Try Oprah. A much more forgiving audience.
10/18/08 @ 10:46 pm
smahkcep [Visitor] writes:
"Once during Proibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W.C.F.
10/19/08 @ 12:51 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
You didn't mention church Jon, Maverick did. I was responding to him or her - and hoping he/she has something positive to say to say one day.

What a negative person! SHEESE! DJS
10/19/08 @ 12:53 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
I AM here for attention you are correct. Please pay up. DJS
10/19/08 @ 12:56 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
Jonathan you got my response to Maverick mixed up with one for you. I find you to be perfectly respectful and decent when disagreeing or questioning. And I sure don't think you are whacked! We're cool, dude! :)
10/19/08 @ 12:57 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
What's a "triple post"?
10/19/08 @ 1:56 pm
maverick [Member] writes:
DJS...I am a very positive guy and try to live every day to it's fullest. I charter fish on Cape Cod all summer and giant tuna fish for myself in the Fall.

My bride and I have a great relationship and have argued once in the last twenty years. Took all of two minutes to resolve the misunderstanding.

The difference between you and I is I solve my own problems without any help from anyone else. God or otherwise.

Today is my 68th birthday and I am enjoying it with a glass of wine, a smile and dinner with my wife, mom and sister at 4:00.

Just a little history to add to yours. If you think it negative when someone doesn't agree with you I can't help that. Maybe there should be a 13th step.

That's my lucky number.
10/19/08 @ 2:07 pm
bittersweet [Member] writes:
Happy B-Day maverick!!!
"tis but a blink of an eye."
10/19/08 @ 2:12 pm
crusader [Member] writes:
Alcholism is a disease and an addiction. Treatment should mandatory. It ruins families and others who are effected by person afflicted. Doctors prescribe pills, but the person has to want to give it up and live a healthy life.

Maverick, just want to wish you a Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday to you!
And many more!
10/19/08 @ 3:05 pm
maverick [Member] writes:
Cru...thanks for your thoughts and friendship. Wish you and family the best. Today and always.

Just wanted to say hello before I went out the door. And please tell bitter I get upset from time to time. Not her fault, mine. She doesn't know that I spent part of my youth helping young diabetic black kids in Philly.

I don't have a horse in the race for Pres. Let the best man or woman win.

I just don't like being preached to by someone who can't hold a candle to what we have done.

Look forward to a steak with you this winter. My treat.

Warm regards,
Jack
10/19/08 @ 3:28 pm
crusader [Member] writes:
Have a safe trip sailor! If it's consoleing, I think the majority feel the same way as you, there is concern about our country's future, Mav. I look forward to your company and possee, and the steak!
10/19/08 @ 3:31 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
I will wish you a very happy birthday. And I will tell you that you are of lucky blood to only have problems that required nothing more than your own will to solve. Very lucky and blessed indeed. You certainly could stir up the sticky threads of envy in a man. I mean it. I hope your birthday is a fine one - You know that 70 is the new 50, right? DJS
10/19/08 @ 3:41 pm
Danny S. [Member] writes:
Are you kidding Maverick? Most people disagree with me. I wish I had a nickel for everyone who had an opinion countering my experience. I have lots of experience trying to solve my problems your way - without divine help. Some things worked out OK - other times I failed miserably. Alcoholism is one of those failures. Nearly ended up on a slab trying and taking others with me. Let me ask you this - what happened when you tried a divine solution? Did that fail you - so you took matters into your own hand or in other words - ‘did for yourself what God could not do for you.’ - or are you so vocally inclined to opine on things with which you have no experience? What is your experience with a spiritual approach to your problems? It didn’t work? Fair question. DJS
10/19/08 @ 3:45 pm
Monponsett [Member] writes:
Mav has a birthday? There goes my spore theory...

Have a happy, Captain.
10/19/08 @ 4:32 pm
Jonathan [Member] writes:
Glad to know we're cool, DJS, Sorry about that confusion.
Happy B-Day Mav!
My birthday's tomorrow!
10/19/08 @ 5:07 pm
Buzz [Member] writes:
Happy B'day Capt. May you have at least 68 more. I'll bring the A1:)
10/19/08 @ 5:18 pm
possee [Member] writes:
mav

Happy Birthday you old salt!

Have a wonderful eve there Capt!

You're still a youngster with attitude.

Let me know when we visit cru and the steak dinner..

Regarding the trip..I'll give you a shout!
and will extend the invite for the fishing trip when we visit in November.

Perhaps will get him motivated to fly up!

Thanx Mav..
possee
10/19/08 @ 9:01 pm
bipr [Member] writes:
Happy birthday, Mav! Happy birthday, Jon! Mine was Monday - a bunch of Libras here. No wonder we're so well balanced ;-)
10/19/08 @ 9:46 pm
Jonathan [Member] writes:
LoL! happy b-day right back@you bipr!
10/19/08 @ 10:11 pm
bittersweet [Member] writes:
Do I preach? And my grandson is black/white. I have a great interest in the racism of this country, no matter if I can hold a candle to you or not.
Get off your high-horse. Birthday or not.
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