East of Boston

I Beat The Stuffing Up

Stacey and Elle are busy with food prep for tomorrow, so tonight's column will be penned by Abdulah D. Butcher, friend of the Monponsetts.

First of all, this column would like to wish you and yours a happy and safe Thanksgiving.

Not a lot of people know this, but there was lively betting over simple games  between the Pilgrims and the Wampanoags at the first Thanksgiving. This was conducted via body language, and were primarily displays of martial prowess (shooting, archery, etc...).

While mostly for laughs (they shared no common currency), this betting opened up a proud era of history that culminated in the creation of this column... right from about where the whole shindig went down in 1621.

Centuries later, we have the NFL, and they have a casino in the works. Everyone's happy, especially if their football picks haul in the Wampum. Our job is to try to bring that about.

So, light up the Peace Pipe, carve up the Pumpkin Pie, order up the NFL Network, and place your bets. On with the show...

Tennessee at Detroit

Laughter ensues when the worst franchise in any sport takes on the up-until-recently-undefeated Titans. The Lions have played on Thanksgiving Day since 1945 or so, and Fate was not kind to them this year.

If you're not into football and are checking this column out solely to decide when to serve dinner without disrupting an important part of the football game, allow me to recommend a 1:45 serving time. This game kicks off at about 1:05, and should be 28-3 by that time. All but the most sadistic of fans will be satisfied by then, and you can always let the hardcore ones carve up the bird.

Tennessee, 38-10

Seattle at Dallas

The sad part about this game is that professional football has no system in place where Dallas might be forced to play their junior varsity in the second half. Dallas has Tony Romo back, T.O. is coming off a 200 yard game, and they even got Pac Man Jones off suspension. Seattle, on the other hand, stinks like an unwashed pilgrim after 45 days in the bowels of the Mayflower. Throw in the fact that this game will be conducted in front of 100,000 rednecks, and I smell a rout.

Dallas, 30-13

Arizona at Philadelphia

With the Madden series of video games being so lifelike these days, more than one Philly-area Mom will be hiring a local teen to hide behind the couch and orchestrate a 70-0 rout of the Cardinals with the video game. It will fool anyone who has been drinking for 8 hours that day, which is no problem for Das Philly.

Philly, 70-0