Solon Economou

What kind of wine is this?

What kind of wine is this?  Here's what it says on the label:

Classically balanced, vibrant, and complex with a splash of fruit.

That's a trick question, and I'll get to it later.  But right now I want to talk about the pretentiousness of those who call themselves, and are accepted as, wine connoisseurs.  Now I don't purport to know one wine from the other when I smell it, but I can smell "pretentious" and "phony" from a mile away.

There was a time when the "connoisseurs" put their snouts in the air (after putting them in the wine goblets) and unanimously agreed that only French wines were good.  At that time, many moons ago, I used to say that this California wine or that New York State wine was pretty good, too.  Now, of course, these same connoisseurs put California wines right up there with French wines, and justifiably so, but generalizations are bad. 

Every wine is different.  Quality of wine depends on a number of things, only a few of them being the region in its country of origin, the composition of the earth the vines came from, the rainfall that year, when the rain came, the temperature fluctuations that year, etc. etc., and last, but not least, the knowledge and experience of the wine maker.

So once upon a time I put some snooty acquaintances to a test.  I brought out a decanter of wine, poured some for everyone and swirled the goblet under my nose.  Using terms I've heard, but don't fully comprehend, I said, "It has an interesting nose, with a hint of citrus."  Most around me nodded in assent.

Then I swirled a little around in my mouth.  "An exciting palate, with notes of berries and chocolate."  They nodded in assent.  Notes?  Is this music or wine?  Chocolate?  I didn't know chocolate came from grapevines.

Finally, I said, "It has a mellow and satisfying follow."  They agreed. 

Of course, we were swigging Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.  I brought out the bottle and said, "And it's quite reasonable at about a buck ninety-eight a bottle!"  None of them put on airs after that--at least not around me.

Now to get to my "mystery wine," classically balanced, vibrant, and complex with a splash of fruit.  You can buy it at Shaw's or the Stop & Shop.  It's not wine.  The hype is from a package of Green Mountain Colombian Coffee K-Cups.

What a load of beans!  Good coffee, pretentious copywriter.

I guess what I'm saying is that, with wine or coffee, as with art, go with what you like.  Forget the "experts."  They exist only in their own puffed up imaginations.