East of Boston

Water Wizz Goes Hollywood.

The buzz around the Cranberry Highway this week concerns Water Wizz, the poorly-named waterslide park located in East Wareham. My sources (OK... the gas station attendant, but he somehow knows everything) tell me that Adam Sandler is using the water park to film part of a movie.

I have no idea if they need extras or anything, and what I know leads me to believe this is in no way affiliated with the ill-fated Plymouth Rock Studios project. Still.. not bad for a town in the sticks.

I can't imagine an entire film based on a B-grade amusement park... but I wouldn't have bought the pitch for Billy Madison either, so what the f*ck do I know?

Possible plots include:

- US Special Forces corner Osama bin Laden at what is literally the last place they were looking for him at, a waterslide in Wareham that provides the film with the setting for its' Bond-esque waterslide chase sequence.

- Sandler falls for a girl with Slipnslidephobia... a rare condition where the victim is able to obtain sexual climax only on a waterslide. The film actually involves Sandler (whose endurance in the film is said to be Navy SEAL-like) constructing a waterslide that runs from Wareham to Osterville, although it will all be done in Wareham with a bit of trick photography.

- A word-for-word remake of My Dinner With Andre, with the sole difference from the original being the picnic table setting at a waterpark and a Mossad commando raid at the end.

- Sandler takes his two daughters to the park, only to find it staffed with Russian teenagers who point to a big black guy with a broom whenever you ask them a question.

- Sandler is leaving his job at the waterslide park, when he, for reasons known only to him and his god, throws himself in front of the Onset Crime Watch car.

- Summer Catch II, with the protagonist being a waterslide attendant/knuckleball pitcher. There were a lot of unanswered questions at the end of Summer Catch I, if you ask this scribe.

The possibility also exists that some producer went looking for a site to film a Cape Cod section of a film, and Cape Code didn't look Cape Cod enough. This has happened more than once, the best and most recent example being the fictional town of Capeside on Dawson's Creek, which looked more like the North Carolina movie set it was than Cape Cod. Don't feel too badly...  Jaws was filmed on the Vineyard because Montauk didn't look Montauk enough. The pendulum swings both left and right.

ALSO...

The Onset Cape Verdean festival is:

Saturday August 8th
from 12pm- 6pm
Rain Date is Sunday August 9th .

Read all about it Here: http://www.ocvf.com/