Entering Bourne

Time to beef up the Bourne Library

There are many different ways to judge a town, but the quality of the local library is usually a pretty good barometer as to what things will be like with other town services. Lots of people aren't aware of this, but things sort of fall into line once you start looking for it.

That said, there's two kinds of small town libraries in New England: the little rural one that holds like 9 people, and the modern one where you can get DVDs and use the Internet for nothing.

The Library serves many functions beyond somewhere to go at the last minute when you have a History paper due. The Library was/is/shall always be a sort of de facto babysitter, an answerer of questions that can't be answered within your family and social circles (I'm here today to try to find a way to cheat on my real estate assessment, but I digress), and most likely something from your town that was in your grandmother's town... and will hopefully be in your grandchildren's town as well.

If the future were that easy to predict, I'd stop writing and just bet on football 16 weeks a year. But there are things you can do to ensure that your town's future will feature a library big enough that some old lady won't be going SHHHH at you every time you cross your legs and the nylon hisses.

Bourne has a superb library (peep the website: http://www.bournelibrary.org/jbl/), but it was last renovated in the Reagan Administration. Melissa could throw a ball from one end of it to the other, and she's 4 (I know this because she's done so already). It's a bit chilly in the winter, and a bit warm in the summer- it needs modern HVAC stuff. It has handicap-accessibility issues. The wiring is a little funny, as this library was last renovated before Al Gore invented the Internet.

Certain things must be changed to accomodate a customer base that includes children, elderly, and whoever else you might find in here at 11 AM on a Thursday.

Most notably, they need space. Space for more books, space for more Children's programs, space for more Internet stuff, space for private tutoring (when I tutored, I would almost always use the library as a meeting place, unless the client had really rich parents and we could study Math out in a garden or something), space to just move around.

They have the actual hard part done already... the space. There's a soccer field out behind the library, which could be redesigned so that one goal isn't next to a culvert. Allowed to expand into that space, the library could modernize in a heartbeat.

It's a good library. They have 56,000 books, 3,200 videos, does thousands of children's programs (pretty much once a week), circulates 140,000 books a year, and serves 100,000 people a year.

That's impressive, but we can do more. We like our library to be able to kick the Wareham and Sandwich's library's candy asses.

There's a Town Meeting this May 20th, and voters will be asked to come up with the $9.2 million ($6.3 million on the town's end) needed for the library renovation product. If you live in Bourne and either A) have kids or B) plan on being elderly, I'd wholeheartedly recommend not being cheap when the question of Library Funding comes up.

Remember... if the town doesn't vote to cough up the $6.3 million, we lose the $2.8 million state grant that probably won't be offered again unless Deval is really right on the money about that Wampanoag gambling thing. 

The Library is trying to raise funds on their own, but you can only do so much. Cataumet Fish is doing something really cool... Cash For Clams, where you get a Cash For Clams card, and every $10 worth of seafood you buy there generates a fat dollar hit for the library renovation fund.

I shall also not fail to inform my readers that the library will also be continuing their popular Barn Babies program this June 27th (9 AM to Noon). Kids who show up that day will get to play with baby ducks, chickens, cows, cobras and whatever else lives on a farm. It regularly scores a 9.9 on the Cute-O-Meter.

I might be wrong about the cobras, but I'm not wrong about the importance of Coming Correct at the May 20th Town Meeting when the Library. I won't tell you how to vote, but vote to allow the funding for the renovation.

Leave a comment »

Bourne Town Meeting needs another night to finish this year

Tuesday Night Up-date
Wastewater study passes, Library debt on May 20 ballot

BOURNE, MA – Bourne will need a third night to complete their annual town meeting. Voters came back to the warrant last night to try to conclude business. According to Town Administrator Tom Guerino, the longest discussion of the night surrounded the 22-thousand dollars being sought for a wastewater treatment study. The article did pass along with the 1st-phase of the library project. The library's debt exclusion will appear on the ballot on May 20th as would the proposition 2-and-a-half override required to expand the police force.

Back in session again on Monday
Voters will answer that question and 9 other articles when they reconvene on Monday. -EJ

Noise bylaw article whimpered off into the night on Monday

BOURNE, MA – Bourne voters were hard at work last night passing all of articles on the warrant for the Special Town Meeting.

The article that was supposed to make the most noise hardly raised a raucous: the noise bylaw. The proposed ammendment was postponed indefinitely. Proponents of the article to bring down excess noise from bars and restaurants were assured that the issue will be looked at by a professional and that the bylaw itself will be reexamined.

Voters return tonight for last twenty articles

Voters then moved on to the annual town meeting and were able to pass the operating budget with little discussion. The meeting resumes tonight at 7:30pm at the High
School auditorium. There are approximately 20 articles left to be decided. -EJ

TOWN MEETING SCHEDULE

• Finance Comm... Monday, 7pm, Bourne Library, "Noise Bylaws, review and vote" are on the agenda.
• Water District Meeting, at the District Office on Pocasset Road, 8:30am Tuesday Regular monthly meeting.
• Historical Commission, 10am Tuesday, at the Historical Center, 30 Keene Street. 160 Herring Pond Road and  2 Bell Road have been deemed as historic "Significant Buildings" as defined in the town bylaw. Determination whether the building should be preserved will be made.
• Tuesday, 6pm, Veterans Memorial Community Center, Selectman's Meeting, concerning ongoing litigation.
• Wednesday, 6:15pm,  at the school library... the School Committee
• Wednesday, 7pm, Town Hall.. The Board of Health discusses the 150 foot setback policy with a Head Of The Bay Road resident.
• Thursday, 7pm, VMCC... The Planning Board discusses plans for the new Mezza Luna and the proposed Honey Dew drive-thru at the Main St. Sunoco station.
• Paradise Hill Farm of Westport has been approved to operate a farmer's market in the Main Street Park, Buzzards Bay, which means that I don't have to drive too far to feast on yummy fresh apples, corn, etc.. all native.

Leave a comment »

Bourne Players

Now, listen here, player...

Everyone in Bourne should set aside a night to go down to the school and check out the Bourne High School Theater Arts and Drama Club as they perform the Disney classic Beauty and the Beast.

Showtimes are:

April 11, 12 at 7:00 PM
April 12, 13 at 2:00 PM

 $12 for adults, $6 for students, $10 for seniors... not too shabby.

I mean, you get a lot of entertainment for what you'd instead spend on 1 Singapore Sling or half a lap dance down at the Mashpee Ballet. On top of it, you also get to:

- Get out among your fellow townspeople and see a bunch of superb kids put a show on for you.

- Support your local school. Remember, these kids could easily be out smoking crack, shoplifting, or roaming the Mall in menacing packs of 15. Instead, they're working hard, trying harder, and making something beautiful.

- Learn some history. Most people have only seen Beauty And The Beast performed as a cartoon penned by the same people who sketch Scrooge McDuck.

No.

Beauty and the Beast is an ancient fable, told through the ages in dozens of languages. It is older than the United States Of America. It speaks to the Underdog in all of us. It teachers valuable lessons in character, self-worth, determination, and- above all and most important- Love.

It is also a landmark performance on stage, TV, the movies, cartoons... and always Hits Big.

- See the next generation of Diva. I go to lots of plays, and- as a teacher and a Mom- lots of school plays. I've never failed to be struck by the je ne sais quoi of the young actress or actor. There's really not a term for it. I want to say "charisma," but it's more talented than that.

No, I don't mean that like "Wow, the chick is hot," although that might be the case for all I know.

- Wives can use this as an Exercise of Authority in regards to who watches what on the television on any given night.

Let me explain, as it is complicated.

Basically, it's the power to coerce. The fulcrum is the broadcast Monday night of the final game in the NCAA basketball tournament. Kansas vs. Memphis, and it should be a shootout.

Hub is really going to want to watch that, and you should let him do so... but not before establishing that A) you're missing out on something you really want to do that Monday night because he wants to watch a bunch of people chase a rubber ball around and B) you'll accept A if he returns the favor by taking you to Beauty and the Beast this weekend.

Shucks... wives should do that even if they don't like B+B, or even if they don't like plays in general. Establishing an acceptable risk/reward pattern of behavior is one of the oft-overlooked keys to happy and lengthy marriages.

- Front like you're all cultural now. "Ah, the ol' Ball and Chain and I went out to the theater last night, my friends." The fact that you only drove her down the street to do so will be strictly between her and the therapist.

But seriously... even if you are some sort of oaf, she's going to see this as a step in the right direction.

- If you're homeless, the theater is nice and warm.

-  At some point in the evening, realize that- if a superstar is ever to arise from your hometown, someone who gains world renown, someone who is a household name- your best chance to see him/her before they Hit It Big will be on the football field, at the military base, or right there on the stage in front of you.

Again.. here's the link with all the information you'll need to spend a couple of enjoyable hours this weekend.

Bourne High School Theater Arts and Drama Club

In other Bourne news this week:

Grisly Accident Kills Two

A Ford Bronco and a box truck collided head-on April 4th. Both drivers were killed.

The crash happened on Sandwich Road, which runs between the 2 bridges on the Cape side of the Canal. Sandwich Road is a lengthy straightaway which sees some Autobahn-like speeding occur on it, and also features a rapidly-appearing Christmas Tree Shop egress. Neither appeared to be factors in this crash, in which the Bronco veered into the other lane for some undetermined reason.

The deceased were from Barnstable and Bridgewater. A third car driven by Bourne resident Janet Montville sustained minor damage, and we were lucky not to lose one of our own in this gory wreck.

Cape Wide News has some coverage... Arrests in Hyannis firebomb attack; Double-fatal Bourne crash; Sexual assault reported in Sandwich; Mashpee brush fire#comments

TOWN MEETING SCHEDULE

>Finance Comm... Monday, 7 PM, Bourne Library.. "Noise Bylaws, review and vote" are on the agenda.

> Water District Meeting, at the District Office on Pocasset Road, 8:30 AM Tuesday Regular monthly meeting.

> Historical Commission, 10 AM Tuesday, at the Historical Center, 30 Keene Street. 160 Herring Pond Road and  2 Bell Road have been deemed as historic "Significant Buildings" as defined in the town bylaw. Determination whether the building should be preserved will be made.

> Tuesday, 6 PM, Veterans Memorial Community Center, Selectman's Meeting, concerning ongoing litigation.

> Wednesday6:15,  at the school library... the School Committee

> Wednesday, 7 PM, Town Hall.. The Board of Health discusses the 150 foot setback policy with a Head Of The Bay Road resident.

> Thursday, 7 PM, VMCC... The Planning Board discusses plans for the new Mezza Luna and the proposed Honey Dew drive-thru at the Main St. Sunoco station.

> Paradise Hill Farm of Westport has been approved to operate a farmer's market in the Main Street park, Buzzards Bay, which means that I don't have to drive too far to feast on yummy fresh apples, corn, etc.. all native.

2 comments »

There Is No Joy In Mudville... Mighty Casey Just Got Beaned at 115 MPH

WHY ME? I never actually thought that I'd break a major story
We may be the Cape's armpit but that arm can throw a ball

I never actually thought that I'd break a major story when I started this column. It was mostly meant to be a sort of town bulletin board, where one could find out when the Selectmen are meeting, or what all those sirens were about last night.

This ballfield in the small town of Bourne turned out to be the scene of an amazing discoveryI do little research at all, other than reading competitor's newspapers and rewording their stories with a healthy dose of my own opinion. I never went to school for Journalism, and have worked for no other papers than this one. I get to feeling sort of inferior, as this paper has old guys like Jack Coleman and Jeff Blanchard, who practiced real journalism when I was still writing about boys in my diary as a school girl.

But this might be the sports story of the year

So, of course, the biggest story that will ever be broken in the history of this paper falls into the lap of the girl who doesn't even like baseball, can't write a straight piece if her life depended on it, and who most likely should hand this story off to an actual professional.

"Sometimes, stories go to who they want themselves to go to. I have faith in you. Get to work." - the editorI went to my boss (CCToday founder Walter Brooks) with my concerns, once I realized what I'd stumbled into.

"I've been in this business a long time," said Brooks. "Sometimes, stories go to who they want themselves to go to. I have faith in you. Get to work."

THE SETTING - "You gotta live somewhere"

Bourne, Massachusetts is a small town known mostly for the bridges it hosts that connect Cape Cod to the mainland. You can't get to Cape Cod in a car without going through Bourne. Locals refer to it as "the armpit of Cape Cod." We have a Maritime Academy, part of a Naval Air Station, a canal, about a dozen clam shacks and more antiques shops than you could shake a 1787 axehandle at.

Sometimes called
"the armpit of Cape Cod."It's a largely blue-collar town, home to fishermen, carpenters, painters, cops, mechanics and Wampanoags who can't afford to live in Mashpee. Our most famous resident is me, which isn't saying much. Our most famous landmark is the Rotary, and that is largely cursed at by those who drive in it.

It's small town USA, right down to the Scallop Festival and the Homecoming dance at the local high school. We have whites, blacks, Asians, Brazilians, Cape Verdeans, and even a Frenchman or two.

Bourne also holds at least one great secret, as most small towns do. We'll get to that in a moment, but I want the reader to understand that there is nothing special about Bourne- with the possible exceptions of the minor league baseball team or the nearby Pilgrim nuclear power plant- that would produce the sort of child who will soon become like a God in his chosen profession.

STRANGE TALES FROM THE SCHOOL ZONE

I won't name this child, as he is 14 years old and doesn't need a zillion people Googling his name. If he were a college kid, I'd go for it- fair game, and all. But I will not reveal the name of this child, although he will probably be a household name in both American continents and parts of Asia in 4-6 weeks.

"I had two kids come to my office today with broken hand  bones." -the school nurseI first became aware of this child through a friend of mine, who is a nurse at the local high school. We live near each other, and often meet after school for a glass of wine. On the day in question, she was complaining about Sports. Generally, this involved her husband watching sports when she wanted him to paint the garage or something, but her complaints were more pointed that day.

"I had two kids come to my office today with broken hand bones."

I was curious, and smelled a teenage Fight Club story brewing. "How'd they break their hands?"

"The first kid- a senior- comes into my office. He's trying not to cry." - School Nurse"Playing baseball. The team has some kid from Louisiana, who is staying at the Air Station barracks. He did it." Bourne's Naval Air Station hosted/hosts scores of Katrina refugees, and their children all go to Bourne schools. I asked her to continue.

 "The first kid- a senior- comes into my office. He's trying not to cry. He holds up his hand, which is bloody and swollen. All the webbing between his fingers was torn open. That's beyond my abilities to repair, so I called an ambulance."

"Then, even before I put the phone down, a second kid comes in... this one has a broken arm. He's crying openly. As soon as they were both in the ambulance, I called their parents and stormed off to the field where the baseball team practices."

Know when to ask questions and when to sip wine 

A good reporter knows when to ask questions, and when to sip wine. I let her continue.

My friend The Nurse knows less about baseball than I do. She thought that there was some sort of Bobby Knight-style abuse going on at the hands of the coach- who, I should add, is actually sort of a father figure to his players, and is widely loved around town.

"So... I get to the field, and everyone is in a big semi circle. Before I can find the coach, I hear this CRACKKKKKKKKKK sound, followed by exclamations of wonder- 'Damn'...'Oh My God'....'That kid is a Freak.' I follow my nose, and find the coach."

"The kid leans back, twists his body around, fires towards the plate... CRAAACK.""I ask him what the hell is going on. He shrugs, and calls over the Louisiana kid.  The kid gets on the mound, looks to the coach, then towards home plate. Instead of a batter, there is a sheet of plywood propped up between 2 trash barrels. The plywood has about 10 fist-sized holes in it."

"The kid leans back, twists his body around, and fires towards the plate. I never saw the ball... just the CRACKKKK sound of a hole being punched through the plywood. The ball actually went through the plywood with enough force that it became wedged in the mesh fence of the backstop."

"Impressive, yes... but I have two kids in an ambulance, and two very nervous parents calling me non-stop. While I had figured it out by then, the coach explained to me that the two wounded students were the two catchers who had tried to handle this kid's pitches. I was sort of raining on their parade, and the coach concluded practice without any more damage being done to the plywood."

I was supposed to have lunch with Jay Miller the next day, in relation to a continuing story I was following regarding noise violations at his tavern. I cancelled that date, but decided to keep the reasons why to myself.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES

The next day, I was at the Bourne High School baseball field an hour before school let out. One old TV show kept playing itself through my head.

"The reporter had somehow secured the services of fireballing big-leaguer Tom Seaver"I forget which one it was, as it was on when I was a child. The basics were that an investigative reporter was doing an episode on the fairness of games at  a local carnival. He had shown several of the games to be fixed, and the one I was focusing on involved the old classic- knocking over three stacked milk bottles with  a baseball, from about 15 feet away.

The reporter had somehow secured the services of fireballing big-leaguer Tom Seaver, who was known to throw 90-100 mph. Seaver had great difficulty knocking over the milk bottles.... they were weighted or something, and only someone with knowledge of exactly where to hit the bottles (or someone making an extremely lucky throw) could knock them over.

I was struck by just how hard Seaver could throw. The ball bounced off the milk bottles- toppling only the one on the top- and actually ended up about 20 feet behind Seaver. The one time Seaver missed the bottles entirely, his pitch snapped back the canvas flap of the tent... which, I was guessing, was not nearly as dense as a piece of plywood.

The coach was standing behind me before I knew he was coming. I didn't even try to hide my camera or my notebook. I- the press- was busted.

"I knew you guys would come," said the coach. "But I didn't think that you'd come this quickly."

"Semper vigilans," I replied with a guilty grin. I introduced myself, and then noticed the people behind him. The first, I later learned, was a scout from the Boston Red Sox. The other was Detective Richard Tavares, of the Bourne Police Department.

"I then realized that Tavares was actually carrying a radar gun used to catch speeders""No need for Johnny Law, coach," I said, preparing my best Free Press argument. I then noticed that Detective Tavares had some sort of weapon in his hand. "Fascist," I sneered at him.

Tavares laughed, and said no more to me. The Scout asked him what the fastest reading he'd ever taken with that. "145 mph, on Route 28," the detective replied. I then realized that Tavares was actually carrying a radar gun, like those used to help catch speeding cars.

"Goddamn," I thought. "Does the kid have THAT much power?"

"Come on," the coach said. "You're in on it now, too." We headed over to the dugout.

ENTER THE DRAGON

The kids all came to the field together- black, white, Hispanic, Asian, mixed. I watched them for about 5 seconds, thinking of how baseball is truly an international language. Groups of kids were probably heading out to the diamond in 20 countries as I watched, from Haiti to Taiwan. These kids were no different. Class differences fade when everyone is wearing the same uniform, and these kids all looked alike to me.

A solitary figure headed for the pitcher's moundThen the Pulitzer Prize I was seeking spoke to me, and I tried to figure out which of them was The Kid.

A solitary figure headed for the pitcher's mound. The rest of the kids- seemingly quicker on the uptake than I was- got in position behind Tavares and his radar gun. I later found out that it was a Decatur Genesis Versa Pak Directional Police Radar Gun, capable of recording speeds up to 237 mph.

"I called in a favor or two," said Tavares, who coaches a Little League team in town.

The pitcher doffed his Belichickian hoody. I was struck by how slight he was. He may have weighed 140 pounds, and stood not a half foot taller than my five-foot-even. He looked like he should have been off skateboarding somewhere. He rubbed his hands together- it was a cold day- and then put on his mitt and called for a ball.

"Anyone want to go out and take a few swings?" the coach asked. "I'd like to see him pitching with a batter in the box."

"F*** that," was the universal reply of the assembled players.

"Whenever you're ready, son" said Tavares, aiming the gun towards The Kid.

I never did see his fastballI meant to watch the radar gun, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the pitcher. He was standing with his back to the plate. He kicked a leg out to what would be the right-handers side of the plate, spun his body around violently, and came out of it with a very low sidearm/submarine delivery that actually raised some dust from the mound.

I swear that I could hear the air splitting as the ball went to the plate. I never saw the ball, and would fail to see it each time that I watched the young man pitch. It made a sort of ssssshump sound as it went to the plate, clearly audible where I sat, roughly 10 yards away. It actually hit the post that supported the backstop fence, making a noise not dissimilar to what a hammer would make if you hit a church bell with it. The sonorous ringing continued for about 5 seconds after the ball- violently- ricocheted away.

The fastest pitch ever thrown was the 100.9 mph heater that Nolan Ryan threw in 1974Everyone standing behind Tavares went crazy. Two of them had casts on their arms.

I had done some research. The fastest pitch ever thrown, according to the Guiness Book Of World Records, was the 100.9 mph heater that Nolan Ryan threw in 1974. I'd watched some of Ryan on YouTube... this kid was faster. Wayyyyyyyyyyy f*cking faster.

I needed proof. I turned to Tavares, who quickly realized that I was the only one who hadn't been looking at the gun.

"109 mph," he said. "Sweet Baby Jesus....."

"Wait till he warms up," said the coach.

THE COACH, THE COP, THE SCOUT, AND THE GIRL

Yogi Berra once described baseball as "50% hitting, 50% pitching... oh, and 50% fielding." The kids had lots of work to do in all areas of the game, and were soon off distractedly fielding grounders, playing pepper, taking batting practice from mortal pitchers, and whatever kids do when practicing baseball. I have no idea, because the 4 adults were talking about the future in the bleachers.

"I could get Boston general manager Theo Epstein to sign him." Baseball Scout"How old is he?" I asked

"14," replied the coach

"My God in Heaven... he's still growing," said Tavares.

"I could get (Boston general manager Theo) Epstein to sign him to a billion dollar deal based on what I just saw," said the scout.

"I'm afraid to pitch him in a real game," said the coach. "He could split some kid's wig with that steamer." The radar gun had recorded a top speed of 124 mph, and The Kid averaged roughly 117  mph during the 2 dozen pitches I watched him throw.

"The Kid averaged 117  mph.""I'm Bourne through and through," said Detective Tavares, "but pitching that kid is akin to letting your pit bull run wild. You may get sued over whatever damage he does."

"He's accurate," pointed out the coach. "I taped a dime to the plywood he was throwing at yesterday, after he crippled both of my catchers. He punched it through the board."

"I bet he could use the big league money," I said, thinking about some of my own friends who lost everything to Katrina.

"Damn straight," said Tavares. "Does he have any other pitches... maybe a curveball or a slider?"

"You know why tigers don't learn Kung Fu?" I asked the detective. "Because they don't need to."

There was a long period of silence, during which I debated using my feminine charms to endear myself to The Kid, maybe become his agent for a reasonable 10% of the nut. Entering the Show at 15 years old or so, he'd have a 20 year career at about, oh, $50 million a season. You can buy a lot of wine and cheese with an agent's cut of that scratch.

The scout broke the silence. "I'm calling Epstein tonight," he said, "but I'm really going to miss this game."

"If they cared about the health of the players, the NFL would be playing touch football""Why?" None of us had caught on yet.

"There isn't a man alive who could see, catch up to, and put his bat on that pitch. To my knowledge, there has never been such a man. Baseball is entirely dependent on what George Plimpton once described as 'the delicate balance between pitcher and batter.' That's why they get so mad about the steroids... it alters the balance."

"I thought it was health reasons," I ventured.

"If they cared about the health of the players, the NFL would be playing touch football, and Don King would preside over a series of slap fights."

"For 150 years, you needed X amount of power to hit a home run. The parks were the same size (roughly) for Ty Cobb as they are for Barry Bonds. It's part of American culture, and is probably the only sport where a 1905 era guy could jump right into the modern game."

I nodded, thinking about that 270 pound kid from OSU who ran the 4.5 40. What havoc would he have brought if thrown in among the 150 pound guys of the early, segregated NFL?

"Baseball suddenly becomes a whole new game if there is a Man amongst Boys. I don't know where it will be headed, but I know that Ted Williams wouldn't recognize it."

RAINY DAY WOMAN MEETS THE BOY KING

Practice was cancelled today, because of the rain. While I wouldn't know Theo Epstein or Terry Francona if I were sitting in their laps, I could make a reasonable guess as to who was sitting in the Mercedes I saw parked on the other side of the field.

There's really no point to allowing this kid to play high school ball, and I'd even feel badly sending Cape league hitters up to face him.

No, a man must be well-compensated if he intends to face Death itself three times in nine innings.

My dog looks disappointed when I play fetch with herI got out of my car, and scuffed around the infield for a while. I was never any good at baseball or softball. The ball is too small to see, as I like to tell people. I do a lot of that EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK stuff whenever someone throws (or even lobs) a ball towards me. My swinging of the bat is quite similar to that chopping motion you see Benihana chefs use, and I'm pretty sure that no one above Tee Ball competency swings the bat from Up to Down like I tend to do.

Even my dog looks disappointed when I play fetch with her... and if dogs could speak, mine would say something like "I'm not a puppy anymore... I need the ball to be thrown farther than 10 yards."

Lost in thought, I failed to notice The Kid as he approached me on the mound. Showing guile beyond his years, he grabbed me from behind suddenly. I screamed, then turned to face my attacker.... who smiled a boyish grin, and used a Louisiana drawl to say, "April Fools!"

April Fools, indeed.

9 comments »

Dropping A Heavyweight

DOWN GOES MILLA! DOWN GOES MILLA!

Bourne Selectmen, in a drum-tight 3-2 split decision, voted to place restrictions on the times when local nightspot The Courtyard is able to play music.

The Courtyard has been in the news lately, as excessive noise complaints from neighbors of the Cataumet establishment have slowly worked their way through the atypical red tape that comes with getting things done in a democracy.

Recently, things looked positive for Courtyard owner Jay Miller. The town was in a tough position, as Miller was doing nothing to violate the terms of his license. The former Bruins cement-head (we say that with reverence in this column) is justifiably concerned about his ability to operate his establishment.

Potential investors will also note that the town took a pretty open shot out of the blue at an individual local business, who suddenly have had the rug yanked out from under them.

Of course, realtors and residents can note that the local tavern becomes quiet at decent hours, as mandated by law. "Lawnmower noise" looks good to leap to the top of Cataumet-area noise complaints.

The Courtyard will have to shut down the band at 12:30 a.m. on Friday and Saturdays, 11 p.m. Sunday through Thursdays, and allowing non-amplified music (an "Unplugged" position first advanced in this very column, your law-altering reporter adds with not a little pride) outside from 2 to 10 p.m. on Friday and Saturdays.

Thirsty Thursday dancing may no longer be an option at the Courtyard, where even a particularly rowdy Monday Night Football halftime show on the TV may now bring Johnny Law knocking.

Remember that Cape Cod hosts a lot of vacationers who will now find their weekday nightlife curtailed, thus:

- making them have less enjoyable vacations, and more likely to spend those dollars elsewhere in future summers

- causing money that could be spent in Bourne to be spent in Falmouth/Hyannis/Sandwich/etc...

- forcing local people who Gotta Dance to go to other bars... thus loosing them onto our streets- full of firewater- over greater overall distances.

On the plus side, there are now scores of residents who can get some sleep without that BOOM BOOM BOOM of the bass line making them want to kill someone. They complained, and the town went to bat for them. At least a few of them most likely enjoy the Courtyard, and have/will continue to quaff the occasional brouhaha there.

One of the benefits of Government is that it can stand up for you in disputes that happen to involve guys best known for their skill in punching people in the face. Likewise, it can save one man from having to fend off 100 collective country folk who share some specific concern regarding the individual.

Whether their property values were raised immediately by the less-rocking neighborhood can not be questioned...but whether they were hurt long-term due to some complicated rubric involving business investing/taxes/vacation rental/lost waitress jobs/OUI/etc... remains to be seen, but is difficult to argue against.

 If you need a laugh out of this.... Selectmen Linda Zuern went undercover outside The Courtyard, driving down side streets and listening to how far/hard the noise carried. It seems that noise did indeed carry, as she voted to quiet Miller's tavern.

The guitarist of the band playing that night? Bourne Selectmen candidate Shawn Patterson, who is running against Zuern.

I highly doubt that she knew, but Irony never fails to insert itself into our local politics. Patterson favors a Stevie Ray Vaughn spirit of blues guitar playing, according to people I spoke to... again, mentioned with the highest reverence.

MENAGE A WINDMILL?

 (the windmill at the MMA, as seen from Head Of The Bay Road.

A three-headed coalition- the Bourne Recreation Authority, the Massachusetts Maritime Academy, and the US Army Corps Of Engineers- is interested in putting up a wind turbine in the water off Taylor's Point.

That's about 100 feet from the MMA dock, where they keep the training ship Enterprise. The ship's captain James Kirk could not be reached for comment. The MMA and the Corps would like to lower energy-related spending, as would the BRA. The BRA currently spends $300,000 a year on energy costs, second place spending-wise only to staffing.

The turbine would be considerably larger than the one currently dominating the skyline on the MMA campus, and would be visible for miles in any direction. The current MMA turbine is the first one to be built on state-owned land.

They also have to be careful about selling electricity to the grid wholesale, then being forced to pay for it retail as it is transmitted back to them. Free maintenance by Academy cadets may soften the blow somewhat.

No major, lodged complaints exist about the current turbine. The impact on fishing remains to be seen, and the MMA should be a good judge on hazards to navigation. It would be settled in a prime shellfishing area.

There exists the possibility that smart lawmakers could use approval of this project to paint themselves as pro-alternative-energy... even if they oppose the more massive Cape Wind project. Buzzards Bay has no powerful American political dynasty family living near the proposed turbine.

It's all just talk right now... the three agencies have to go through their respective channels before they can get serious. However, we keep both ears to the ground in this column.

TOWN AFFAIRS

Meeting Schedules

Moday, 7 PM, Town Finance Committee, Bourne Library Conference Room

Tueday, 7 PM... Board Of Selectmen meeting, Veterans Memorial Community Center

Tuesday, 6:30 PM... School Committee, review of FY09 budget.... Schhol Administration Building

Wednesday, 7 PM Town Hall... Board of Health

Thurday at 5 PM... Library Board Of Trustees

In other news...

Selectmen are seeking residents willing to serve on the appeals board, cultural council, Cape Cod Regional Transit Authority and open space committee. Call Town Hall for details.

The planning board is looking at a proposal to open The Box Lunch sandwich shop next to the MacArthur Blvd. Harley shop.

If you live near Town Forest land or if you abut Town Water Department tracts, expect mail from the town regarding How To Prevent Forest Fires. This will be about 200 households... the rest of you, just be careful where you pitch the Marlboros.

The BRA will fill the little tidal pool in the Scenic park below the Bourne Bridge.

The shore and harbor committee is checking with the Corps of Engineers about dredging the Cohasset Narrows Channel to Buttermilk Bay. The channel was last dredged in 1983, with 8,000 cubic yards of silt being removed.

Buttermilk Bay, facing Cohasset Narrows

2 comments »

Bourne To Run

SELECTMAN BATTLE APPROACHES

Well, they don't actually fight or anything.

The May 20th Bourne Town Election isn't that far away, and the battle lines are already being drawn.

When the seat of Bourne Selectperson Linda Zuern comes up for contention this May 20th, local contractor Shawn Patterson will be going for it. He got the nomination papers last Friday, and his hat is officially in the ring.

Patterson, a former firefighter, is running on a pro-business platform with a theme of change. Zuern is running for her second term, after handling Harold DeWaltoff Jr. back in 2005.

The town hasn't had a Selectperson battle in some time, as recent members have either resigned, opted out of a second term, or even got the Boot.

This column will actively seek to get them into some sort of online debate/forum in this very paper. I'll have to make a few phone calls, but hopefully they'll come to me. It may even make a fine Cape Cod Today podcast, although I'd probably tap out to the more politically seasoned Troy Clarkson (see the column below) as moderator at that point.

Both combatants are operating out of Monument Beach.

ON AIR RADIO WEDDING FOR BOURNE COUPLE

Mary Garabedian and Thomas McGrady of Buzzards Bay were married in a PIXY 103 FM sponsored on-air wedding last February 29th.

PIXY-103, a Yarmouth rock station, provided a limo and a justice of the peace. The couple's wedding song was performed via CD by Iron Butterfly. There was most likely some sort of prize package involved as well.

I asked PIXY really nicely in an email if I could use a pic from their website coverage of the event, and they haven't said no yet. With that in mind, let's meet the newlyweds.

(photo credit, WPXC-FM)

PIXY does this every Leap Day, and we here in the Villages are very happy for our newest bride and groom. I couldn't glean the honeymoon locale off the website, but I'm thinking Disneyland.

 BCAC GOES TO DTC OVER CC BS

The chairman of the Bourne Cable Advisory Committee is urging patience as he takes the town's complaint with cable service provider Comcast as high as he can go with it.

Local residents are saying that Comcast has reduced services while raising fees. Claims that Comcast's lineup is not user friendly also arose.

Comcast operates in Bourne without competiton. Bourne is locked into a goofy exclusive contract with Comcast through 2011, as Verizon isn't interested in expanding into a largely seasonal, physically challenging town. Rumors that less compromised prostitutes exist could not be substamtiated by this column at press time.

The chairman, Robert Scofield, will take our case to the Department of Telecommunication and Energy. Even he doesn't like the chances of beating the contract. Residents urged consideration of an alliance of disaffected Cape towns serviced by Comcast.

Comcast says that prices/programming are dictated by the market, and that any changes were approved by the DTC.

That failed to soothe some Bourne residents.

"I didn't fight the Germans to spend my final years adjusting rabbit ears on my TV set as I miss the Red Sox game, I'll tell you that," said one resident who requested anonymnity. "But if they keep raising rates and cutting services, that's where I'm headed."

 "What the (expletive deleted) is wrong with this country?"

BRUINS ENFORCER WINS YET ANOTHER FIGHT

The Courtyard will be hoisting a few tonight, as the town bylaws committee sent back the anti-noise bylaw to the Selectmen.

Inferences were made that they should draw up a more reasonable policy than the one submitted, which seemed to be an open assault on The Courtyard in Mashpee. The tavern is owned by former Boston Bruin Jay Miller. Residents have made several complaints to the town about the late-night noise.

The battle continues at the May 5th Town Meeting.

LOCAL BLOGGER CRANKY, LASHES OUT

Buzzards Bay celebrity Stacey Monponsett took exception to a perceived slight in a radio interview, then yelled at one of her favorite people instead of the one who actually made the fish reference that upset her.

Monponsett is known on two continents for her temper. She regularly intimidates her husband, who once fought in Somalia. She also once taught herself Greek to insult former Masschusetts gubernatorial candidate Christy Mihos.

Family spokeswoman Ellen Smithee estimated 3-6 hours recovery time  for the moody Cape Cod Today national sports editor. "It's sort of like when a car radiator overheats," said Smithee. "Only a fool would open the cap right away."

4 comments »

Love That Dirty Water...or 40 Acres And A School

Love that dirty water...
...or 40 acres and a school

The town of Bourne is considering the construction of a wastewater treatment plant off of the Scenic Highway.

This is one of the fun parts about being the Bourne town reporter. Let the kids sleep in, hop onto the Internet, and spend a sunrise reading about how to properly break down and utilize all the wastewater that Bourne generates. Only then can one truly and informatively talk shi+.

Even with a morning of research, I still don't know exactly what goes on in the pipes. To be honest, it's a lot like Sausage... the less I know about the process, the happier I am. Ignorance is bliss, less is more, smaller is better, etc...

Still.. I'm the Bourne reporter, this is a potentially gigantic taxpayer issue, and I owe it to you the reader to at least sound out the process.

The band Fear once had a song called "Let's Have A War (YouTube - Fear Lets Have A War Video.)." The chorus, repeated rapidly, went "There's so many of us." That's basically the problem with waste removal these days.

Defecation is the second oldest human activity, after Nourishment. A baby can defecate before she can lift her head. Depending on if you consider Hunting and Gathering to be lifestyles instead of occupations, Waste Removal (from the cave) is probably our actual Oldest Profession.

For most of history, you did one of two things with human waste... you dumped it, or you used it as fertilizer. If you lived near a farm (for most of history, almost everyone did), you may just put the chamber pot out by the steps. A farmer would come along and gather it for use on his crops.

If things weren't as efficient, you'd just take it to the river or even throw it out the window. Much human activity has been dictated by this practice, including the popularity of brimmed hats. The etiquette of men and women walking side by side was dictated by chamber pot removal right about up until the time that Cars were developed.

If you somehow manage to travel back in time to 1700s Paris and hear "Gardez l'eau!" screamed from above.... run away from the houses. It's Chocolate Rain!

The sewage would just decay right there in the streets, until a fortunate storm came to wash it off into the river. Disease (especially typhus and cholera) ran rampant. Flies loved the stuff. Pigs were allowed to run the streets mainly because they'd clean it up. The white flight of nobility to countryside mansions was largely influenced by the old school manner of waste removal.

As nasty as that sounds, it was the common method up until about 150 years ago. If you have an old house and the shed out back smells a little funny on hot days... welcome to the process of History.

So... as Bourne went from a quiet farming community to the bustling metropolis it is, it was no longer feasible to go out back to the privy. Civilization quickly cycled through septic tanks to residential pipes feeding a bigger pipe that eventually emptied into the ocean. Even that became untenable eventually, and modern wastewater treatment emerged.

Today's cool kids dispose of their wastewater by running it through a sewage treatment plant, which breaks it down into sludge pellets. The sludge can, in a case of history coming full circle, be sold to farmers for fertilizer. The leftover grey water is either used for agriculture or pumped out into the ocean.

Bourne wants to be as high-tech on waste removal as possible, and they want to do it in-house. Bourne currently relies on Wareham's waste treatment plant, but can begin to move away from that arrangement if they come up with the $18-30 million estimated to set it up. A nice 40 acre site along the (formerly) Scenic Highway is being discussed.

Of course, there are issues on both sides. Buzzards Bay and the Buttermilk Bays have no state study demanding that they improve the water quality. 40 acres of Buzzards Bay might generate the town more money as either a business or residential district. There are environmental issues as well...eelgrass being the first one I saw.

$18--30 million is considered to be a low-end estimate. Even the people who made the estimates admit that this is a 2007 cash figure ascribed to a 2010s project. $40 million dollars is roughly equivalent to the budget we ascribe our police department every year. The possibility of a Big Dig-style scalping of the taxpayer is quite real.

I can also recall looking at a property in Wareham that seemed tremendously undervalued... until we stepped out of the car and inhaled. Lo and behold, we were about 200 yards north of the sewage treatment plant. Needless to say, we didn't buy the property.

The idea of building a waste removal plant right next to a proposed elementary school also, well, stinks.

On the other hand, a waste treatment plant can be good for the economy. I've seen businesses shut down over sewer issues. Investors like to know that they'll have modern, efficient waste removal. Building a waste removal plant would mean hundreds of new jobs, however temporary. All those construction workers have to eat lunch/buy smokes/get gasoline, and they'd do it in Buzzards Bay.

While no state study exists that denounces the water quality of Buzzards and Buttermilk Bays, there isn't exactly a state study saying that those waters are Perrier, either. If we can guarantee cleaner water, our property values go up, in both residentialand commercial districts.

Also... rather than pay Wareham to take our wastewater, we can process our own...and maybe even work out a deal with a surrounding town to handle their wastewater removal- burgeoning South Plymouth seems like a prime market. If you're going to take shi+, you may as well make a little money off the process.

The whole shebang goes up before the selectmen this March 25th. We'll do our best to keep you posted.

In other town news.....

Monday night, 7 PM, Bourne Library... the Finance Committee discusses various town budget items, including Schools, Council On Aging, and Sewers.

At the same time, at the Bourne High library, the Local Emergency Planning Committee discusses the newfangled Reverse 911 system.

Town Hall, Tuesday, 4 PM... the Board Of Assessors meets to discuss Abatements.

On Wednesday, we have meetings of the Water District (8:30 AM, at the Water District office), the Capitol Outlay Committee (town hall, 6 PM), and the Selectmen's Alternative Energy Advisory Committee (7PM,Veteran's Memorial Community Center).

Thursday features the Shore and Harbor Committee meeting at 7 in the town hall, and the Planning Board (same time, but at the VMCC).

3 comments »

Bourne To Advance

They tried to disrespect Bourne when they gave them that bogus #12 seed in the Division 3 boys state high school hockey tournament. Like there are 11 better small school teams in the South bracket? What's up with that MIAA?

 I mean... how DARE they? Are they perhaps on some sort of Dangerous Drugs?

Despite what whoever put the South Division Brackets may have been thinking, the reality was that #12 Bourne hopped on a bus to Taunton, got off, geared up... and then went out and gave the #5 seed a gold old fashioned Cape Cod ass-kicking.

Call it 5-4, Bourne... in OT!

 Bishop Feehan were definitely not chumps. They made a game out of it, and only a Justin Desharnais throat-slitter ended the awesomeness in overtime. It was his second goal of the game, and he should definitely get a cheerleader this weekend... maybe even before, if one of the girls has an exceptional amount of school spirit.

Conor McGonagle, Dan Fox and Bill Duane also twitched the twine for the hometown. Joe McCabe handed out three fat dimes.

The "winner" of the Silver Lake/Blue Hills game  tonight in Canton becomes the next victim of the B Train. If Silver Lake wins, I think we host (we're a higher seed). Regardless... last night proved that Bourne is capable of Road Warriordom.

NEXT!!!

1 comment »

Out For Blood in Bourne

SCHOOL SPORTS

Bourne's boys hockey team is in the state tournament. They're the #12 seed in Division 3, rocking a 12-8 record as they head into their showdown with #5 Bishop Feehan. Feehan is one of those Catholic schools, and we all know how THEY are... shoot, I remember Duxbury football getting to a Super Bowl and coming up against them... and their whole offensive line went like 6'4", 290.

Regardless... Bourne High takes no lip, and we'll Dominate them with skill/strength/speed/stealth/shicanery...whatever means necessary. Their kids are simple mercenaries, while ours are Bourne To Rule.

After we dispose of the Catholics, we get the winner of Silver Lake/Blue Hills.

Location/Date for Bourne vs Feehan is TBA. (Update: Tuesday, 4 PM, Taunton)

The Upper Cape Tech girl's basketball team is also poised to do damage, as the Crooked Crooked System forces our heroines to claw into the tournament via a Qualifying match with Millis. The winner gets top seed Sacred Heart.

I like UC's chances. Millis is straight-up Sucka, and it will be a battle-tested bunch of girls taking the court with an underdog's chip on their shoulders against Sacred Heart. What looks like 4-11 to some looks like Just Starting To Peak to the ever-optimistic.

I may be somewhat parochial, but it is the expressed written opinion of this column that UCVT will beat Millis like some sort of feudal baron who just spotted a lazy serf lounging in his wheatfield. That game is tomorrow, 7 PM,at Millis.

BORING-BUT-NECESSARY TOWN MANAGEMENT STUFF

The Finance Committee meets Monday at 7, Crane Library.

Selectmens meeting, 7 PM, Veteran's Memorial Community Center.... kicking around liquorlicenses for Pocasset Golf Club and Cape Boulevard Liquors. That's Tuesday, y'all.

The counting of Overseas ballots from the 2008 Primaries occurs Tuesday, so Obama still has hope in the Bay State! Board of Registrars, 5 PM, Town Hall, Tuesday.

Also Tuesday, 7:30... the Board of Appeals discusses the Canalside Commons case mentioned in this column.... you know, the access road where you can skip around the rotary by plowing through a formerly quiet side-street.

The Lord may have rested, but not our town's government.

The School Curriculum Subcommittee kicks around the possibility of a Sailing program at Bourne High. I taught at a school that had sailing, and- provided the students have adequate raingear- it fills a void in the Spring activities schedule. A lotofkids who wouldn't playtrack or baseball might try sailing...and these kids will be hassling you at the mall if you don't find something fun for them to do. That's Wednesday, 7:30 PM, at the School Administration Building.

The Board Of Health (7 PM, Wednesday, Town Hall) has a "general discussion of outdoor wood boiler regulations," for those who are interested.

Thursday brings us the 3:30 election of the Human Services Committee Secretary, at the Town Hall.

If you know/care what a Sterns & Wheler's LLC Model for a 925 ton/day co-composting facility is/does, they will be discussing one at the ISWM Futures Working Group this Thursday at the Town Hall, 4:30 PM.

The Library Board Of  Trustees meets Thursday at 5, with fundraising and general operations on the agenda. 5 PM is the time.

Some Bourne Goodness

YouTube - Mom & Pop Swan Teaching Kids How To Grab Breakfast... in Bourne

YouTube - F-117A Stealth.. at The 2007 Cape Cod air show.

YouTube - TS Enterprise being battered...ahhh, MMA

5 comments »

5 Minute Major, Excessive Noise

Back in the day, the tavern was an important part of American travel.

Situated on main highways- long before you could go to a drive-thru somewhere and get a couple of Whoppers in a bag- the tavern offered rest, food, drink, and shelter... the last being something very important to people travelling on horse in the winter. 

They were also informal gathering places for the townsfolk. Many colonial types relied on the tavern for their news of the day, as CNN or ESPN hadn't yet been invented to let people know how the Patriots (sports or war) were doing. A traveller was a rare event in a lot of small towns, and people would flock to the tavern to hear tales of Other Places.

Where I'm heading with this is that taverns weren't built on the outskirts of town, away from people...no, the taverns were centrally located, so that one could walk to/from one. They were vital to the town's day-to-day life... and not just so that Pilgrims would have a place to get f*cked up and hassle women.

Keep in mind... most everyone was also a farmer back in the day... and farms tend to occupy a lot of acres.  The closest home to the tavern was likely a mile away. Also note that there was a lack of arena-rock-style electric blues bands in colonial times, when the tavern became part of the American Town ideal.

With the shift from farming to suburban lifestyles, these former cow towns began to fill up. Someone invented cars. Houses popped up everywhere. New highways made it feasible to live in Bourne and work in Boston.  A good contractor could take a small farm and build 20 houses on the property. Hell, it was even considered a selling point to have a neighborhood tavern.

Taverns rule. You can go out, meet your friends, socialize, have booze brought to you, dance, flirt, play some darts/pool/Keno, watch a game (I know many people who are too cheap to buy cable, and watch the Bruins games at the bar), and not have to clean up after. What's not to like?

Taverns are also a form of entertainment, and that sometimes includes live bands. Bands make a lot of noise, and taverns generally work the later hours of a day. People live a lot closer to taverns in this live-band era, and not all of them can afford to sleep late in the morning. Having a rock band playing 100 yards from your house generally isn't conducive to Having to work at 7 AM on a Saturday... in fact, that person may actually come to resent the tavern and their music. 

Now... I'm bringing all this up because a local tavern is in the news this week. The Courtyard, located on 28A in Cataumet, is the subject of a special Selectmen meeting this March 26th or so. The town has had several complaints about the Courtyard's music.

A few facts... The Courtyard is allowed to play live music in their license. They have made no violations of any laws. Even the guy who is leading the effort against the Courtyard- Town Counsel Robert Troy- says that they have not violated anything. The town does have the right to hold a hearing if  "there is concern for the citizenry or its health and well-being."

With that in mind... this column now wishes for our readers to know that The Courtyard is owned and operated by Jay Miller, the former Bruins enforcer. $25 a column isn't enough for me to take the chance of angering someone who has "whipped John Kordic" on his resume. I'm five feet tall, for God's sake... I also wear glasses, and cry easily.

Miller does have good cause to be pissed, as he is being called before Selectmen when he hasn't violated his license. They are changing the rules of the game long after the puck was dropped, on whimsy and unrecorded complaints. Jay employs a lot of locals, and there are very few complaints made when he pays his taxes. It's not like he has to import people from Natick to drink his booze, either.

Live music makes Miller moolah. Without music and dancing, people may choose to go to Falmouth or Hyannis for their tavernesque fun. Then, Jay may be selling less food/drink, waitresses and bartenders may be getting laid off, maybe the business fails, maybe Miller sells at a loss, and maybe future investors might not be interested in Bourne when looking to open a business.... all because maybe a few dozen families didn't take "that nearby tavern might get noisy at night" into account when buying their homes.

Of course... these few dozen families pay taxes, too.... and 100 people (I'm guessing, Jay) is about 3% of Cataumet's population... a sizable hit in any dispute.

The Selectmen have fielded complaints from locals, though. All concern the level of noise. They are obligated to move upon citizen complaints. They have the "health and well-being of the citizenry" loophole within which they can act. They have the ability to alter Miller's license.

This seems to be where the meeting is heading, depending on how much ass Miller's lawyers kick. The Courtyard may have their license altered to  limit their ability to have live music. How that affects Miller's ability to run his business remains to be seen, but we're betting that it won't be a positive.

Personally, I would either A) have Jay and the toughest local drop the gloves and settle it like Men Not Mice on some frozen cranberry bog or B) have Jay focus on acoustic entertainment...maybe a piano bar or something. Hosting weekend afternoon performances next to an ice cream shop (and along a route frequently used by travellers, especially ferry passengers) might be a good draw that would settle down by darkness or so.

Booming sales or booming bass lines at 12:25 AM? Business Zone vs. Residential Area? Command vs.Compromise? Sleep vs. Sin? That's why we love small town politics, folks... and we'll try to keep you informed.

(pic from www.hockeygoon.com)

6 comments »