East of Boston

Sippin' Lime Bacardi, Got Me Toxy

General Sherman had less trouble in Georgia than the Celtics did, and he had to walk.

Things worked themselves out well enough, though... so we are now faced with the prospect of a best-of-seven against LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers.

LeBron (I may be capitalizing it wrong, and things like research and fact-checking only serve to slow down this column) and the Cavaliers are both silly names. "LeBron" is close enough to French that one can safely assume that LBJ can trace his family tree back to Haiti. We'll get to him later, as his talent merits several successive paragraphs.

Who thought "Cavaliers" was a good name? Derived from the French word for "knight" (chevalier), it describes the supporters of Charles I during the English Civil War. The particular Look would be the Three Musketeers bar guy... not really someone with a sick crossover dribble.

Granted, Celtics aren't known for their vertical leap... but at least Boston has a large Celtic population. Cleveland was pure wilderness in the 1600s. Even the Indians failed to settle it. The area was first surveyed in 1796. Cavaliers had nothing to do with it.

I suppose "Knights" may have been better, but somebody somewhere f*cked up. Only the Utah Jazz and the Redskins are worse.

As for Mr. James (aka LBJ, King James)... well, we've got ourselves a war with the best player alive. Kobe Bryant may win the MVP this year, but LeBron has him beat statistically... and beats Kobe's ass when they go head-to-head.

He's about 6'8", 255, lightning quick, strong as a bull, corners like a Porsche, has a complete all-around game, gets his team involved, and can score on anyone. He was too good to play in college, turning pro roughly around the time his prom was happening. He tore up the NBA the moment he set foot in it.

He's a nice kid, who never turns up in the newspapers for throttling a strip club bouncer. If he blazes the Kind, he's low-key about it. He has about a hundred endorsement deals, and only his lack of charisma (he's an ugly kid, LBJ is) can be blamed if you haven't heard of him.

Here's King James doing what he do...

Boston is a superb defensive team, and he's still going to put up 35 ppg on us. Ray Allen is going to look much older than his 32 years chasing King James around. Paul Pierce- one of the NBA's 20 best players- is going to look like a punk guarding him for 7 games... which I think this series will go.

That's not as bad as it sounds. I've seen hermits and one-man-plays with better supporting casts than LBJ enjoys. Here's the basics:

- Ben Wallace, a ferocious man who has lost a critical step that cripples a small, hustling post player. He has absolutely no offensive skills whatsoever. His best contribution to the team's cause in this series would be to somehow pick a fight with Kevin Garnett.

- Wally Sczerbiak(?), a former Celtic who may currently be the NBA's worst defender. While possessing a nice skill set, he is also the prototypical slow white guy.The Celtics were thrilled to get Ray Allen from Seattle for him, a draft choice, and...

- Delonte West... another former Celtic, who- like Wally- has been traded twice in a calendar year. He played big minutes for Boston when we weren't any good, but he may have settled into the right place as LBJ's spear carrier. If I remember, I'll link to a Valentine's Day interview he did where he said "This is real, baby... we're getting chicken from Popeye's tonight."

ESPN.com: Page 2 : Flowers, Popeye's and romance

Delonte on fashion... "You can't see this... this is genuine Tasmanian Devil."

Delonte vs. Rajon Rondo should be a good battle, as R Double basically took Delonte's job in Boston.

- Anderson Varajeo, who may or may not still be sporting that Sideshow Bob/Carlito Caribbean Cool haircut. He's a rawboned power forward from Brazil.

- Zydrunas Ilgauskas, a 7'3" Lithuanian with a superb low post game that should expose Kendrick Perkins' shortcomings repeatedly. Fortunately, the continents are currently drifting apart faster than Big Z moves, and he only gets rebounds that bounce into his hands.

- Daniel Gibson, a young sharpshooter, sort of a less talented Ray Allen.

- Joe Smith, a bench forward who will be able to score on Leon Powe, but won't be able to score on Kevin Garnett.

- There's a couple of guys named Jones and a Serbian or two... but that's pretty much it.

What you will basically see in this series is a One Man Gang taking on a fairly good team. Boston has the homecourt edge, which is huge in any sport. LBJ has more than enough talent to win a few games by himself, and I'll set the number at 3.

That's right, folks... I see this going 7 games. I see a few fights happening. I see the ugly spectre of Intentional Injury. I see a desperate Game 7 in Boston, where the Celtics finally make good my assertion that we shall advance to the NBA Eastern Conference Finals.

I see us playing Detroit there, as they are wily enough to get by a talented-but-thin Orlando squad. Give them 5 games. I'll call Boston/Detroit when/if we get by King James.

Out West, let's say New Orleans over San Antonio... I smell Boston/LA, and a talented-but-aging San Antonio club is only in the way of what the people want. I see San Antonio getting zero (0) calls. May as well make it New Ho Leans in 7 games.

I also see- as you might imagine- LA getting past a good-not-great Utah Jazz team in 5 games or so. From there, it's either the upstart Hornets or the veteran Spurs... a nice 7 game war to tire Kobe out for us.

So... the Cape Cod Today Sports Desk will be fully amped and in Total War mode, pretty much all day tomorrow. We've waited for ages to see a Celtics playoff run where we had a chance to do damage, and we're totally ready to get our freak on.

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The Cy Young Girl Award

Old friend Rocket Roger Clemens turned up on our radar a few times this year, which isn't bad for someone who doesn't actually pitch anymore.

Of course, how he is appearing isn't the way you want to appear- steroid hearings, 60 Minutes, mistresses confessing to the media... he's sort of f*cked. 

He was even outed by former child songstress Mindy McCready, who said that she and the Rocket has a thang goin' on when she was too young to work after school legally.

Here's an explanation, with pictures:

One thing you never hear mentioned when steroids are discussed... and it's by far the most important thing....

There are drugs out there that can make us better/stronger/faster. These drugs will let you casually smash records that have stood for decades... even centuries. While I'm sure that some bad-ass knights sat at the Round Table, I'd bet on the 6'7", 275 pound artificially-enhanced guy who is as quick as a mongoose.

 All I know about the downside of steroids is that they are A) illegal, B) considered to be cheating in baseball, and C) supposed to rot you from the inside.

I want proof. Cobain convinced me about heroin. You can look at Whitney Houston and know that cocaine is a losing proposition. Pretty much all of the steroid guys seem to be doing just fine physically.

I need to see Clemens, Bonds, or Canseco die really young/soon in order to alter my opinion that we are sleeping on a radical, species-altering turn in medical science.

Imagine what safe steroids could do for this country. Think about a factory full of juiced up workers, setting productivity records on the regular. Think of the pollution/natural resources savings when people can leave the car behind and do the 7 miles between home and office in a 28 Days Later gonna-kill-you sprint.

In fact... what about our heroes laying it all on the line in godforsaken Afghanistan? John Kerry did a lot of whining about cheap flak jackets and lightly armoured APCs, but he totally failed to mention that there are currently easily obtainable drugs that might make every single Leatherneck currently dodging roadside bombs in Mesopotamia suddenly start kicking ass like Sergeant Alvin Motherf**ing York.

If I were stalking through some Shiite Asian Hell, I don't know who I'd shoot first if I found out that some stuffed shirt back in the States doesn't want me to be able to lift more/run faster because it's cheating.... but I know I'd be shooting somebody.

You can buy drugs right off the TV that will let you get a 6 hour Woodrow that a doctor may have to fix. You can serve a cocktail of drugs to a hyperactive 3rd grader. You can make tea out of dozens of strange, exotic roots and herbs from who-knows-where.

Yet... there's a superdrug out there that can make you physically superior, or at least better than you were. And they won't give it to us.

Shoot... even the old argument about steroids giving you the Needle Dick don't seem to be true. Barry Bonds spent considerable sums of money keeping a mistress on the side. Jose Canseco went 40/40 on Madonna. Roger Clemens seems to have been grabbing girls off The New Mickey Mouse Club to satisfy a sexual longing that, according to the generally accepted urban legend, shouldn't have been there.

The only guys that can tell us the truth about it are muzzled by fear, and are currently viewed as outlaws.Senators currently ignore $3.55 a gallon gas prices to spend days finding out just what Jose shot into Roger's ass back in 1989 or so.

We're fighting 2 wars, we need to reproduce faster than the Mexicans do, and American business and labor need a boost from out of nowhere. Our options are limited.

We can redesign the education system like after Sputnik went up, show full-frontal on Nickelodeon to get the kids f*cking earlier, and make more Guns than Butter.

Or everyone can just take a little pill.

Roger Clemens, we here at Cape Cod Today salute you. Stephen Cooper, your hometown still loves you. You are renegades, Chemistry Cowboys, pushing yourselves and medical science to the limit. You are showing us all that we may one day become.

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You know, it really would be easier if they decided it like this...

The front page (or whatever we call it online) poll from CCToday concerns the recent Obama/Clinton fight on WWE Raw. Here's the video of how it all went down;

It was a pretty good match. Hillary- who looked nothing like the actual candidate, but who could wrestle a bit- managed to slam Obama, and then hit him with a devastating running leg drop that was one fat ankle away from RFKing Obama right out of this race.

Obama countered with not only a Ba-Rock Bottom, but he went off the ropes and tried to hit a People's Elbow on the former First Lady. Interference from former President Clinton saved the day for the overmatched Senator from NY.

It was all for naught, though... as Umaga the Samoan Bulldozer then interjected himself into the match, chasing Bill Clinton away before gorilla-pimping each of the democratic candidates.

In all, it was about as dignified as a Willie Horton commercial, and I left the TV that night thinking that Bill should be running.

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Elle's Mock Draft

Abdullah took his shot, and now it's Elle's turn.

I'm already up 1-0, as Miami signed Jake Long right after Abdullah said they'd draft someone else.

So...without any further ado... America's favorite teenage gambler brings you her Mock Draft. The real thing goes down Saturday.

Here's a link to more draft stuff... 2008 NFL Mock Draft Database

1) Miami... Jake Long, already signed.... meaning that a great part of his value is that he plays cheap...relatively.

2) St Louis.... They may have somebody signed by when you read this, but we can only do so much here at the Sports Desk.

Besides,,, Baby Magic is here only to tell you what the teams SHOULD do... not what they WILL do.

I think they'll take that young Glen Dorsey fellow, who looks like he could tear a Jeep apart with his bare hands. You always want to have someone like that around.

3) Cincy... They have to have Sedrick Ellis, and will cough up whatever it takes to be in the top 3.

I like the story about Sedrick Ellis' school having to buy 200 pound dumbells, as 150 pound dumbells were mere playthings to this young man. I'd imagine that it was 200 pounds in each hand, which is terrifying... that's like a strip club bouncer in each hand.

4) Oakland... I agree with Abdullah that Chris Long was rated highly on mock drafts across the land so the authors could be like "Howie.... I had him going number one until Miami signed that tackle." This is how things work in the Industry.

Chris "Son Of Howie" Long, who turns out to n ot even be the best guy named Long in this draft, or even the best white guy named Long.

5) Kansas City.... KC just traded their defensive end, but they also need someone on the offensive line... this sort of sets them up for that Ryan Clady kid. A trade is possible here.

6) New York Jets... They're crazy if they pass on Darren McFadden.

7) New England... We're a good team that can sit back and wait for the teams above us to f*ck up. Sedrick Ellis would make a nice Patriot, but someone will have him by the time we pick. I'll give us Vernon Gholston, a freakish linebacker from Ohio State. Big, mean, and fast.

8) Baltimore... Why not that Neon Deion-looking Dominique Cromartie kid?

9) Atlanta...  Trade down, still get Matt Ryan, and pick up an extra 3rd rounder or two.

10) New Orleans... Leodis McKelvin sounds like a good New Orleans name, although Dominique Cromartie does, too.

11) Buffalo.... They need pass defense if they play New England twice a year. They take Aqib Talib

12) Denver... A big guard/tackle like Branden Albert makes sense here. I bet no one calls him "Fat Albert," even if he does weigh 320 or so.

13) Carolina... Derrick Harvey, a DE from FSU. They need someone to motivate the defense, which slacked hard last year.

14) Chicago... The last RB they drafted can't play, so they take hometown kid Rashard Mendenhall to help shore up the position.

15) Detroit... Jerod "Heavy On The" Mayo..

16) Arizona... Mike Jenkins, a speedy cornerback. fills a void here.

17) Kansas City.... They traded down, but still get a huge blocker in Chris Williams.

18) Houston.... Another team tha needs someone to protect the QB from the brutal pounding he seems to take annually down there. Have a nice Jeff Otah.

19) Philadelphia.... Devin Thomas fills the void TO left... well, tries to.

20) Tampa Bay... DeSean Jackson is too cool a name to pass on..

21) Washington.... Phillip Merling can smash people up for them.

22) Dallas... Johnathan Stewart, because incumbent back Marion Barber is asking for the sun/moon/stars. They have 2 picks, so they can mess around a bit.

23) Pittsburgh... BC's own Gosder Cherlius, or however you spell that.

24) Tennessee... They need people to throw the ball to. Linas Sweed is a cool name.

25) Seattle... Kenny Phillips fills one of many holes.

26) Jacksonville... Never pass on a nice 300 pound mauler, especilly if his name is Kentwan Balmer.

27) San Diego... Brandon Flowers is a nice pickup here.

28) Dallas.... Malcolm Kelly can catch a few for them.

29) San Francisco... Dan Conner, a sturdy LB type.

30) Green Bay... Antoine Cason will go rolling along to GB.

I stop my Mock Draft where the NFL stole our second pick from us.

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I roll up on your crew quicker than long sleeves...

... at a speed that would confuse Keannu Reeves.

ESPN - NHL - National Hockey League

Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle... the Boston Bruins force Game 7 against Les Habitants.

Is hockey drawing me back in? I used to love it as a child, but a couple decades of us not being able to beat any team of consequence has sort of left me at the point where I can't name 5 of the current players... including the guy I have the jersey of.

Hey... it's not like I earned it, so let's not go there.

Simple and plain, folks... we were down big in this series, but we started playing mean... and now we've forced a game 7 on Patriots Day. Monday, I believe, gives us:

- The Marathon

-  Time to celebrate the Celtic's playoff win the night before

- The Red Sox

- Game 7, Boston vs. Montreal

Tough to beat that, even if the Marathon bores you. Go Bruins!!!!

Post-game beating was ‘just plain evil’ - BostonHerald.com

I'd noticed during a regular season game that Montreal fans come to Boston in great numbers to see the continuation of an ancient rivalry. As Montreal was the markedly better team this past season, those fans were becoming increasingly vocal.

That will most likely stop, now.

You see, kids... Boston is one of those kinds of towns that you don't want to f*ck around in. If you wear your Patriot jersey around in, say, Indiana... people are going to come up to you and engage in some sports talk. There may even be some good-natured ribbing, but you most likely won't be kicked in the face while you lie on some filthy Boston street begging for your life.

Shoot... I can remember being in Montreal on Spring Break one year, tipped to the rits, wearing my black-and-gold #77 and shreiking "F*cking Bourquey, mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn" at some Rue De La Ste. Catherine gin mill. The primary reaction among the locals was amusement.

People forget that Boston is as close to Europe as you can get in America, both geographically and psychologically. Every time you attend a game in Boston, you should keep "soccer riot" in the back of your head.

While I didn't take part in the beating myself, I'd imagine that the victim's "sin" was that he was wearing the wrong colors on the wrong night when the wrong people were passing by.  A simple mistake, yes... but wearing an Antelope suit on the Serengheti is a mistake as well, and it is a mistake that a sensible man just doesn't make.

I'm not condoning the beating... and I don't want to give any tourists the wrong idea about how things will go down if they wear their Yankees hat while renting the summer cottage in Eastham. We're sort of used to it on Cape Cod, and our best revenge is continuing to take those summer dollars.

Things will be decidedly different on smoky Causeway Street after a Bruins game. You can see a more lengthy discussion of the matter in the text here- Redskins Behind Patriot Lines: Five [Plus One] Questions With An Enemy Blogger - FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog- in the "Boston Redskins" part of the interview.

Anywho... I hope the Montreal fan's skull fractures heal quickly, and that he and his kind show a bit more common sense when vacationing here in the future.

Dr. Z: Scouts, execs pick apart rock-solid prospects - Dr. Z - SI.com

Just some NFL Draft stuff, but I enjoyed Dr. Z's description of tailback Darren McFadden... "Runs like the wind...which occasionally blows him into nighclubs...where 'misunderstandings' occur."

Too much candy on Vimeo... you don't have to be French to think that this may be the cutest kid in the world.

Urban Legends Reference Pages: 420.... Guess where I'll be at 4:20 on 4/20? Hopefully in bed, but there is another 4:20 this afternoon.

Moving at good clip - BostonHerald.com... nice piece on Falmouth lacrosse in the Herald.

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NBA Playoffs, Opening Round

NBA Playoff thoughts.... who will advance out of the first round?

Phoenix vs San Antonio

Shaq Daddy vs Tim Duncan, each with a great cast around them. This should be one of the better opening round series in some time, and I'll go for Phoenix in the 7 game upset.

Utah vs Houston

Houston won 22 games in a row, but their lack of 7'6" Chinese pivot play will cost them in the playoffs. Utah in 5 games.

New Orleans vs Dallas

This series will be like watching Father Time fight Baby New Year. I suppose experience should count for something, so let the Ho'nets take their lumps this year. Dallas in 6.

Los Angeles vs Denver

I'm rooting for LA vs Boston in the Finals. LA in 6.

Detroit vs Philly

Detroit will punish them in a sweep... which is too bad, because Philly is a likable bunch.

Orlando vs Toronto

This should be fun to watch, but Orlando seems to hold the decided offensive edge. Magic in 5.

Washington vs Cleveland

Cleveland will lose just enough games to remind us that Lebron doesn't have any sort of supporting cast around him. Cleveland in 5.

Boston vs Atlanta

Future generations of Georgia schoolchildren will be taught that two great disasters visited Atlanta. One was General Sherman, and Two is the Celtics boo-fooing these guys in a truly ugly sweep.

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Abdullah's Mock Draft

Abdullah and Elle have a bet going on who can predict the NFL Draft better... someone involved in Bookmaking, or a teenage nanny who has never watched a college game.

Here's a professional's version... Don Banks of Sports Illustrated... Don Banks: NFL Mock Draft, Version 6.0, Picks 1-10 - Don Banks - SI.com

Here's about 10000 more, at one of my favorite websites: 2008 NFL Mock Draft Database

Abdullah has spotted Elle one week, and here's his view of how it will go down:

1) Miami... With the exception of the running back to be mentioned a few picks down, there is no clear-cut number one pick in this draft. Therefore, look for Miami to either A) trade the pick or B) draft whoever will sign cheapest before the draft takes place - thus eliminating the lengthy holdout.

I'll give them Vernon Gholston, the frightening linebacker out of Ohio State. You can get offensive guards and cornerbacks later. It's not every day that you get a shot at a blue-chip linebacker

2) St Louis.... Another team that doesn't need the best player in the draft, as they have a great running back.

They need guys on the defensive line, so why not give them Glen Dorsey from LSU? He's big, mean, and defensive linemen always go high in drafts.

Dorsey is about 310 pounds, and has performed at a high level all through college. He broke a leg once, but that seems to have healed.

3) Atlanta... These guys are rumored to be after BC quarterback Matt Ryan, but I'll give them Sedrick Ellis, another 310 pound defensive tackle. Vick will be out of jail soon...

4) Oakland... Oakland has a few B level running backs, but they'd be foolish to pass on Darren McFadden. DMC is a 220 pound guy who runs a 4.3 or so, and those guys don't grow on trees.

5) Kansas City.... will most likely end up taking Michigan behemoth Jake Long, a chimney of a man who goes 6'7", 330 lbs. He's an offensive tackle who can throw a grizzly bear around

6) New York Jets... Matt Ryan can go here, and the chumps they currently have at QB can man the helm for a year while NY assembles a team around the young QB.

7) New England... A likely trade option, depending on who wants who badly enough. I have no idea who is offering what, so I'll assume that New England keeps the pick and uses it on Leodis McKelvin, a lightning-quick cornerback out of Troy.

I wonder if they'd take McFadden if he were available?

8) Baltimore... They also need defensive backs, and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie is a small school kid who has a great bloodline. He may be better than McKelvin, but we have no idea because DRC played at Nowhere State.

9) Cincinatti...  Cincy just needs someone who can stay out of jail. Chris Long is Howie's son, and is only being mentioned near the top of most mock drafts because football types don't want big, block-headed Howie coming up to them at events and being like "Why'd you rank my son tenth?"

10) New Orleans... Keith Rivers, USC linebacker. who looks like a steal at this point. He could end up on the Patriots.

11) Buffalo... Devin Thomas, WR... they have 2 young QBs who need someone to throw to.

12) Denver... Chris Williams, OT, Vanderbilt... one of those 6'6", 320 kids.

13) Carolina... Malcolm Kelly WR, Oklahoma... they need someone next to Steve Smith.

14) Chicago... They wasted a top pick on Cedric Benson, and now have to waste another one to replace him with Rashard Mendenhall.

15) Detroit... Cutting a Kevin Jones to draft a Felix Jones sounds like a very Matt Millen-like thing to do. A wide receiver is always a possibility here.

16) Arizona... They get torched a lot, so give them Mike Jenkins, cornerback.

17) Minnesota.... Another team that gets beat deep a lot... so we'll assign them CB Aqib Talib.

18) Houston.... They stink running the ball, so give them Branden Albert to block people.

19) Philadelphia.... BC's own Gosder Cherlius can block for Philtydelphia.

20) Tampa Bay... Linas Sweed will be Tampa's security blanket at WR.

21) Washington.... Phillip Merling, although the possibility of a team that just lost Joe Gibbs doing something stupid is always strong.

22) Dallas... They have 2 picks... let's use one of them on Brandon Flowers, a cornerback from VT

23) Pittsburgh... Give them OT Jeff Otah, as their QB can't afford too many hits after putting himself off a car on his motorcycle.

24) Tennessee... DeSean Jackson, WR gives Vince Young someone to throw to.

25) Seattle... Dustin Keller could be the tight end they need.

26) Jacksonville... Derrick Harvey is a good guy to have chasing the ball carrier.

27) San Diego... This team is stocked, so we'll give them Kenny Phillips to play safety.

28) Dallas.... They need a second runner, so give them Johnathan Stewart.

29) San Francisco... Dan Connor, Linebacker U graduate.

30) Green Bay... Jerod (Hold The) Mayo. LB

31) FORFEITED

32) New York Giants... I hope whoever they draft stinks.

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Celtics vs Hawks

The Boston Celtics have finished out an awesome season, and now get to play the Atlanta Hawks in the playoffs.

The Hawks are the lowest seeded team in the weakest conference, and would have beec 12 games out of the playoffs if they were in the West. If there were ever a group of guys who were Just Happy To Be There, it's these here Hocks.

Not that there's anything wrong with Atlanta... they're a team on the way up. Their oldest full-time player is Mike Bibby, and he's not that old. They have Joe Johnson, an All Star guard who was originally drafted by Boston... who then gave him away for peanuts right around the time I started getting my first grey hairs.

Their center is Al Horford, who is a mean young man who goes 6'10" or so. He won two NCAA titles at Florida, but that's gonna seem like 10 years ago once Boston starts kicking him around some.

They have 2 tough forwards who are sort of interchangeable at the Power and Quick forward spots. Marvin Williams is a UNC kid who has had a fair-to-middlin' pro career. Josh Smith jumps around like House Of Pain or Kris Kross, and may block 7 shots in one of the games we play. Smith is a small Power forward. Williams is a burly small forward.

The Atlanta frontcourt have a combined basketball IQ of 70, and the playoffs are where things like that get exposed. KG has more years in the NBA than their whole frontcourt combined.

Smith will bounce around a lot, but he ain't stopping KG when KG is smelling blood. Marvin Williams can't dream of guarding Paul Pierce. JJ may be a but faster than Ray Allen, but Ray will rain junpers on his stupid, alliteratively named head. Kendrick Perkins and Horford should beat each other up for 5 fouls each per game, and may even fight. Rajon Rondo will- mark my words- cause Bibby to have at least one 3-15 shooting night. We'll beat them like a government mule.

After that happens.. and as near as I can tell... Boston will play the winner of Cleveland/Washington... and that most likely means 7 Games With Lebron James. We'll worry about that one after we stomp these Georgia clowns.

I'm betting a considerable sum of money along the lines of Atanta not winning a game this series. The only reason I'm in this state at the moment is to get as much action as I can find on Boston sweeping the Hawks. I think Atlanta has two chances of winning this series, boy... Slim and None... and ol' Slim, he just left town, Jack.

When General Sherman was treating Georgia like Georgia needed to be treated, people used to come up to him and complain about it. Sherman- who had promised to Grant that he would "make Georgia howl "- explained how things were going to go down.

"Warfare us cruelty. The worse it is, the sooner it will be over... Generations shall pass before they clamor for it again.... They have sown the wind... they shall now reap the whirlwind."

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Onward Thru The Fog

Ye old Boss is still travelling, but Baby Magic is here to bring the pain.

Kobe Bryant Jumps over an Aston Martin! | bestplayerontheplanet.com... Dog Gamn, I love this clip... even if it is fake, which it might be.

Kobe and those legs he's risking are worth about a quarter billion dollars.

You have to sport a certain fearlessness to be Kobe, whether it's jumping a sports car coming at you at 30 mph or raping a chambermaid.

Keep in mind... Gabby managed to knock me over with a Big Wheel in a similar stunt just yesterday.

Fenway Fly-Over Pilot Grounded - Boston News Story - WCVB Boston... Solon wrote at length (Looks like fancy flyin' at Fenway's a no-no! ) on this subject, but I had the link saved, so here we are.

 Anything that prevents a 9/11 kind of crash into 35000 people is good management, although I'd show off a bit if I flew one of those suckas over Fenway.

South Park Crushes Bill Belichick | YOU BEEN BLINDED

"Win if you can, lose if you must... but always cheat."

"No matter how big and bad your opponent is... you can always go to the eyes."

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Look Who's Coming To Dinner

Elle here... the Boss is up in Maine for the week.

Usually, I cook, and the Colonel eats. Sometimes, I have to feed his friends (Big L, Abdullah, Stunning Steve, etc...). But tonight, no one else was home... and Abdullah took me out for a pizza. We brought the camera, and here's the goods.

This is Ellas's Wood Burning Oven Restaurant, 3136 Cranberry Highway, Wareham, 508-759-3600. It just opened, and it was only a matter of time before we had to try it out.

It would have been funnier to bring Stacey, and get pictures of her snooping around the kitchen and interrogating the staff.... but Abdullah is funny in his own way.

Just in case you thought we were kidding about the wood-burning oven... no.

By the way... this isn't some pizza joint, like the last tenants of this property were. I'm pretty sure that American Pizza And Grill (run by Brazilians, I might add...South American P+G) didn't offer Braised Lamb Shank or Potato Crusted Cod.

I shop at neighboring Mazzilli's all the time, and they've been gutting and refinishing the place for about 4 months now. Props all around, as the place looks great.

I tried to get Abdullah to order us some lamb, but he was focused on pizza. He was paying, so pizza it was.

Chefs tend to be hams when the camera is around... I was disppointed that he didn't have one of those little puffy hats.

One thing I liked about this place... right on the menu, it says "If we have it, we'll cook it." I want to take Stacey there, just to see her make them live up to that while she bitches over the counter at them in French.

They have a pretty eclectic pizza menu, with pies like:

- Shrimp, Chorizo, Broccoli, Roasted Tomato, and Shaved Grana Padano

- Wild Mushrooms, Caramelized Onions, Fontina Cheese (we had this one)

- Proscuitto di parma, Roasted Pears, Spinach, and Gorgonzola Cream Sauce

ALWAYS get the bartender's picture, sayeth Abdullah. I had milk, but I'm 17.

If Abdullah took me into Providence for dinner and we hooked up, it would be a Mann Act violation.

He never did hit on me, though... either because I'm half his age, he's afraid of the Colonel, or he's just a decent man... or I'm not as cute as I think I am.

Stacey's cellar is like this, times 100.

Entrees ran about 12-19 dollars, though poor folk can gorge themselves on 6 dollar appetizers. They had terrific onion soup, as well.

They also have a kid's menu that goes from 4 to 7 bucks or so. I didn't try "Captain Crunch Chicken Fingers with Banana Ketchup," but I will when I go back with Stacey... just to see the face she makes.

Here's our pizza.

Why not the finished product?

Our pizza was in front of us for like 3 seconds (I was still thanking the waitress, who was charming) before Abdullah tore a piece out. The place burns wood and pizza all day, and you do get sort of hungry hanging around.

Abdullah also told me that his Muslim beliefs prohibited him from allowing his finished meal to be photographed. Abdullah is from Dorchester, and is Catholic... but he was paying, so this is what you get.

Overall... this place is a friggin' gem. It's located in a tough section of the 'Ham, where a lot of restaurants die... but these people have something original going on here (think a high-end Bertucci's), and I'm rooting for them.

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