Viv's Voice

Cape Cod...the Ghetto?

Hyannis as viewed from abroad

I was fortunate enough to watch my cousin's teenage children 10, 14, and 16 for the past week and a half. I have been away from the country for eight months and will be leaving again in about two weeks. So, imagine my surprise when my teenage charge utters that Hyannis is turning into the ghetto and that other towns are not far behind.

My teenage charge told me that all he had to do was walk to the neighborhood across from his own (which is quite yuppie in nature) to buy cocaine.I have been living in a country (Switzerland) whose crime rate is probably lower than the Cape's, if a sixteen-year-old is to be believed. Now, I am not old enough to consider myself completely out of touch, 24 doesn't seem that ancient when considering the average age of death but I do wonder how out of touch are the parents of these children if I am already out of touch? What are these teens really being exposed to?

I am wary of their experiences on a daily basis and the ease with which teenagers today can be corrupted on their own whims. My teenage charge told me that all he had to do was walk to the neighborhood across from his own (which is quite yuppie in nature) to buy cocaine. According to the sixteen-year-old, drug dealers from other states are relocating because business is so good and the Cape is a prime place to move their product around, he also mentioned something about drive byes. I believe my jaw dropped.

I'm sure that when I was sixteen, I could have also found a way to buy cocaine or heroine. We found ways to buy alcohol and marijuana was not a difficult pursuit, if I'm not mistaken cocaine became quite popular among some after my graduation. But I do not believe it was so prevalent or so easily accessible and there weren't any places that I was afraid to drive in or walk in on the Cape. I would not have described Cape Cod as the ghetto only referred to certain towns as ghetto-ish regions, but I could never be completely serious. Were we not once the summer retreat for the rich and famous, the vacation spot for the Kennedy's, the yuppie region for young professionals with grand careers and sailboats? Have we just always been masking the corruption that has now gotten out of hand? And have the "good kids" become the minority?

So I ask as a single female who will not be married for at least a couple more years and has no children on the way, how do the current conditions of the Cape, the United States, and the world in general make you feel as parents?

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Part One of a series of short stories - with no titles.

  "No, you are not my Daddy and I refuse to utter those words, they sound perverted, and I am hoping that you are not a pervert," Sarah said with the dignity her politically inclined mother instilled in her.

Sarah was drunk; shagging a guy she had sex with about a month ago, similar situation, similar results.  This being the first time he had asked her to call him the fateful term that would end any further relations.  The act would be finished; Sarah never left anything unfinished, including the act of intercourse.  To her, it was a business deal much like any other business  deal, regardless of whether it was with strangers, to her, this could easily be explained by the term, networking.

"You don't have to call me anything, as long as you keep doing what your doing, I'll be happy," He panted, while looking up at her with a full, content grin.  She was by far the best looking woman he had had sex with and she was young, much younger than him, but that's what she liked.  

Successful at 24, Sarah wasn't into anyone her own age, upwards of fifty may not have been more of a challenge but was more, as she believed, on her level.  And Mark was a good looking CEO whose wife had recently separated from him with two kids in tow.  Sure, it sounded like a typical New York city drama, but this was a suburb and the reason for the separation was not due to either his cheating (happening after the fact) or his tendency to be a workaholic.  His wife fell out of love with him.  And he wasn't even trying to rebound or having a mid-life crisis, he was just yearning for sex with someone other than himself.  So, although Sarah believed herself to have the upper hand in this relationship, they seemed to be in equal standing, neither of them wanted anything more than sex.

On a side note - I just thought this would be fun!  There will be more to come.

I was also told to mention that I am now an expat, living in Luzern, Switzerland, one of the most beautiful places in the world I believe, and I don't usually exaggerate.

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What exactly constitues cheating?

What exactly constitutes cheating?

Who should be held responsible?  Is there one person who is completely and utterly at fault or did several people contribute to the act or in some cases, acts?

Now, this topic brings about the exact definition of cheating, which within our society can be a relative term.  Is it talking, flirting, dancing, a friendly hug (maybe a lingering hug or squeeze), a romantic gesture, some form of kissing, or is it sex (this has become a relative term within the decade).

Then, there is the post-cheating  question of forgiveness or disgust,  and I  believe that sometimes there is a little bit of both.

Check the "Cheater-Meter" 

In the case of sex as a relative term, memories arise of former President Clinton's statement of defense, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."  He had an entire nation questioning if oral sex was indeed sex.  It became the gossip among mothers and the talk of business lunches.   Children whose parents were hoping the sex talk could wait just one more year,  were asking their parents what oral sex was, what a cigar was used for, and what could possibly have stained Monica Lewinsky's dress.

Now  President Bush, on the other hand, is screwing the entire nation, while we fondly remember the Clinton scandal.  It seems that President Bush, in these troubled times over his image,  should engage in a  relationship with someone to divert people's attention from Iraq, or better yet, Laura Bush should have an affair and then the American people might feel some sort of pity for the President and the polls might show a couple percentage points of elevated support.  Just a food for thought, I am in no way advocating cheating for either the President or Laura Bush.

I've veered off the topic at hand.

Isn't cheating really a joint effort?  The greater blame would obviously have to go to the person who cheated and to a lesser extent, the "other" man/woman (the catalyst)  who knew they were engaging in some sort of sexual (or non-sexual, remember, cheating is relative) misconduct with someone already in a relationship (I purposefully left out committed).  And last but certainly not least, since they have acted as a sort of control for the whole escapade, the one who was cheated on, who is either in denial, extremely busy to be attuned to their significant other, or maybe just not working hard enough to keep the relationship alive; shouldn't they share some of the blame, even if only a small percentage of it?

And now we have come to the point of no return, the issue of what to do now, after the fact?  Do you "stand by your man?" as Hillary rebuffed when questioned but quickly changed her tune when the situation actually arose.  Although, she is in a unique situation where forgiveness may not have been granted but staying together works wonders for her political endeavers.  Or do you end the relationship, "cold turkey" (my father's favorite saying when remembering how he quit smoking), and work on finding another one of those fish in the sea.

I would like to believe that my reaction to cheating would be utter disgust followed by complete banishment from my life, but I am never one to give definitive answers on such personal matters because unless you've been cheated on I'm sure you can never fully understand the emotions that are involved.

I guess the moral of this random topic is, do not (or atleast try not) to cheat, do not be the control (ignorant of the nuances of your significant other) , and attempt to not be the middle man in a relationship, the situation usually does not end in your favor.

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Sex, Betrayal, Murder or Suicide

Who Killed George Reeves?
Find out while you help a Cape Cod kid go to college

Come find out at a special premiere of Hollywoodland, 7 PM on Friday, September 1st at Cape Cinema in Dennis.  

Did you have a Superman lunch box?  Or, maybe, you just like men in spandex ... and capes.  What is the appeal of Adrian Brody?  See if Ben Affleck can ruin another movie.  Or see Diane Lane half-naked.....again.  

"This is 'don't-miss' entertainment... A compelling story of the life and death of the 'Superman' television star George Reeves. Starring Ben Affleck, Adrian Brodie, Diane Lane and Bob Hoskins..." - capecodtoday

The film is Based on the true story of TV’s Superman, George Reeves (Ben Affleck), this film follows private detective Louis Simo (Adrien Brody) who is hot on the case of Reeves’ mysterious death . When Simo discovers the torrid affair Reeves was having with a studio head’s wife (Diane Lane), he is certain he has happened upon the key to the case, but he quickly finds that answers are not easy to come by as he gets dangerously deeper into his work, and discovers some unexpected connections to his own personal life. 

Sneak Premiere, and every nickel goes to the local schoilarship fund 

This exclusive sneak preview showing has been arranged by the Cape Cinema during Dennis Festival Days to benefit the Dennis Chamber Scholarship Fund.

$10 donation per ticket. Tickets are available at the Dennis Chamber office at 242 Swan River Road, W. Dennis.  Call (508) 398-3568. Or at the Cape Cinema during regular showings this week. Tickets must be paid for and picked up prior to the event. General seating only.

• Sponsored by the Dennis Chamber of Commerce.
  
• Presented by the Cape Cinema.
• See the Hollywoodland Trailer here.
  

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Wakes...

Somber events filled with all the people you loved, liked, many you only knew casually, acquaintances you gathered in your walk, run, or drive through life.  Memories floating in the air-reminders of the past, the events, the dialogue, the emotions you shared jointly with the people in attendance.

So, what is on the mind of the guy you had sex with that one night when you were 20?  Or that guy you had a short, one-month relationship with?  What exactly is the role of  your sexual partners at your wake? 

They do know you, the physical you, quite well.  What do they mourn for?  Are they thinking about your smile, your laugh, your generosity towards others, how about everything you accomplished in your lifetime?  Or...are they just thinking about the sex?  (Ruin the mood or elevate it) 

Or, how about those with vampire fetishes, who had sex in coffins, are they buried in those same coffins?  Must be a whole different experience for a "vampire" as their fanatasy and reality converge, it must be very arousing, hmmm.  (Sorry, that was a very wierd side-not.)  I realize this is a morbid subject but it popped into my mind the other day while I was at the beach.

A slight morbidity reins at the beach, (may I remind you that a Cape beach is in no way South Beach) it is not a place for singles.  Families drown you out and single men move in herds.  They play together, move to the water together, eat at the same time, and occasionally, after several beers, the pack must follow each other over the cliff of obnoxiousness.  Male groups manage to breed some form of weird insanity, only hilarious to those involved, unless one of them happens to trip and fall face first into the sand, a spectacle which grants enjoyment to the entire beach .

I will lament no longer.  I went to the Playhouse the other day and was not surprised by the attendance, the old and a spattering of young couples.  After that I went to Sundancers, which gave me hope for the middle aged, at least they have somewhere to go on Friday nights.  Maybe it was the bond of choosing a similar bar, maybe desperation, or most likely, booze, whatever it was, they were meeting mates left and right and I was ecstatic about it.  It should never be too late to find love or, well, take someone home with you for the night. 

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Don't learn safety rules simply by accident

What does it take to realize one’s worth?

…For some people it takes a compliment, or an acknowledgement of a job well done. For others, it takes a family member’s confidence in their future plans, and, for still others, an uplifting quote read, by chance, quite close to their breaking point.

For me, it didn’t come as easily.

No, as usual, I can be quite stubborn with all matters dealing with me. I need to be hit on the head, hard, (literally) for anything to truly get through.

I was in a car accident that could have easily taken my life and for my car it proved to be quite tragic and ultimately fatal.

I don’t wish you to misinterpret what I’m saying, I am only truly stubborn with all matters dealing with myself and my well-being, the rest of the world is open to ever-changing interpretation. I do believe when Socrates said, “I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.”

I have this amazing ability to completely overlook myself on so many levels.

This past week, I found that between work, dog sitting, making time for family, teaching dance, and making sure that none of my friends (none of which belong to the same crowd and must therefore be taken care of at different intervals,) etc., I somehow forgot to check in. I forgot to make sure that I was not neglecting my pursuit of a life. Running around keeping track of what needed to be done, I somehow disregarded that an average of two hours of sleep per night in a week is not reasonable in anyone’s mind but my own.

So, on that consequential night, I fell asleep, crashed into a tree, and consider myself one of the luckiest people in the universe (an obvious exaggeration but necessary to understand the level of my revelation.) Sure my car has reached its end, tragically, but no one else was harmed and I walked away with a seatbelt burn and only some pain in my chest and shoulders. I am lucky, I am alive, and I’m going to begin asking the question, “What am I worth, and what do I want?”

I refuse to allow my car’s unfortunate end to one day become the analogy people use for my life. So, while you read this, my car will be on its way to the junkyard and I find myself asking the question we all deserve to ask ourselves each and every day, “What am I worth? When we answer this question; then we can decide what path or paths our life should take.
I have realized that not only is life short and must be lived fully each and every day but that it must be lived well.

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Are Cape Cod Men wimps?

When going to bars, what is a single woman to do?

My main goal is to have a good time and that has never failed me, I’m optimistic from the start. My friend, who is currently engaged, once told me that men are afraid of a strong female presence, which is true of most of my friends and considering that the comment was directed to me, I guess I’m included. Regardless of how many guys have caught my eye have started chit chatting; their ability to continue a conversation, to invite me to sit down or to buy me a drink is lacking, to say the least.

When I go to Boston, when I lived in London and when I was in Greece last summer men came up to talk to me when they caught my eye and I smiled back at them. They came over to see if I was interested to talk, and yes, maybe gouging if I would be willing to go home with them that night, and whether a girl is or isn’t, the attention is almost always appreciated. Why else would we get dressed up, put make-up on, and wear those 3 in. stilettos, sure, it’s cause it makes us feel good but most of the time we are trying to make some sort of impression on the male species. If this is too difficult of a concept for men to understand, think of this: when you are choosing what color shirt to wear, or what cologne, if any you should put on, surely you have the same aim as us single women, you want to be noticed. The only difference is that while men are becoming much more concerned with their hygiene/looks, i.e. metrosexual (the attraction of this phenomenon being a commonly debated issue among women), women continue to depend on men to make the first move. On occasion I have found myself instigating a conversation or motioning someone to come over or, any similar gesture. This being only after I’m frustrated that the guy who keeps smiling at me and making eye contact has yet to come over and make clear what he wants.

Are Cape Cod men wimps? Are they socially awkward? Maybe they're intimidated, I’m not sure, but I have yet to really meet someone that I am truly impressed with. Maybe as my uncle suggests I’m not really looking, but I’m quite certain that I have just become bored with the search, have given up hope of the Cape’s male population and am awaiting my move to some new territory with some new male presence.

I could do what many of my friends who have also remained on the Cape do; I could recycle someone else’s lover. It is strange to see Lisa who used to date Peter, now dating Steve, who is Peter’s brother, but who also was with Lauren who is dating Richard, who happened to date Lisa two years ago, before she cheated on him with Steve. There have got to be more people in this peninsula, we can not possibly have exhausted our relationship resources, lets branch out, start with another town within the Cape and if need be, make baby steps from there. And it is these relationship recyclers who recite “isn’t the world small,” well yes, the world would seem small when you keep seeing the same people, keep going to the same bar.

And for those of you who do not go out at all, Carpe Diem my friends, similar to Cape Cod but much more fun to say, you only live once and life’s too short not to enjoy it so Seize the Day.

In conclusion, who am I kidding, there is no concluding, this isn’t “Sex in the City,” and I am not Carrie Bradshaw, draw your own conclusions.

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What is a single female to do?

Finding Life and Love on Cape Cod 

Last night I went to Cape Cinema and watched the Al Gore documentary, An Inconvenient Truth (about global warming). Overall, I enjoyed the film, learned a lot about my environment and the effects of global warming on my future, but I certainly could have done without the ill transitioned pieces of Gore’s autobiography. I also stayed to listen to the wind farm debate.

I recently had bumped into one of my friends, Matt, who I have known since I was about 5 years old, but have not seen since high school. This not an uncommon occurrence for a native of Cape Cod who still lives on the Cape, it can make living here seem slightly claustrophobic. I bumped into Matt about a week ago and we exchanged numbers and since I was given these tickets last minute I thought to invite him, we could catch up and out of all of my friends I thought he would actually be interested. Considering that global warming has had the greatest effect in my generations lifetime, the last twenty years, you would think that we would be the one’s most concerned. When I looked out into the crowd I wasn’t surprised to see that we were one of ten, possibly twelve of similar age, when I say similar age, I mean 10 – 30 year olds, now that’s a wide range. I was relieved to see patrons, many patrons, who were middle age, still an improvement of my previous experiences.

Looking for a young face in the crowd 

I go to Cape Cinema about once a week; I turn around when the movie is over and hope that people my age will pick up on the cinema’s value, but am never surprised to see that the youngest member in the audience, other than myself, is seventy years old. I feel that if this same cinema were located in Boston or New York City, there would be more of a following by the 20 and 30 year old crowd. Cambridge has a similar cinema and no one over forty, if even forty, is seen to attend. Why is that?

Young Cape Codders are frequent complainers of lacking entertainment, venues, things to do; they are bored without putting any effort into the search. Many are quite lackadaisical when it comes to their surroundings and the happenings of the rest of the world, how these events will affect them. And culture, there is plenty of culture if one just opens their eyes or a newspaper. If we shut off our TV’s, close our eyes and ears to celebrity gossip and begin living our lives we may just find there is too much to do on the Cape, I mean other than just going to the same bar. And don’t twist my words, I enjoy going out very much. I enjoy figuring out where to go, what to wear, the excitement of meeting the rest of my friends and then comes the rest of the night, talk, laughter, dancing, and drinks. But there is so much more to do, there is so much more to see, and lot’s to learn.

COMING NEXT; Are Cape Cod men wimps?
Are they socially awkward?  Maybe they're intimidated, I’m not sure, but I have yet to really meet someone with whom I am truly impressed.

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