State of Cape Cod

MYRON POROCHNIAK 1921-2011

Myron was born in Salem, Massachusetts, in 1921 and enlisted in the Marine Corps in 1939, at the tender age of nineteen, to escape the Great Depression. After flight training he served in the Pacific and reentered civilian life as the manager of a leather tannery. Weekends were spent at his cottage in Yarmouth and on the golf course. Eventually he retired and lived on the Cape full time. One day in 1975 we found ourselves in the same foursome and have been friends on and off the course ever since.

A strong, outspoken personality made him a popular figure in some circles and despised in others. Describing his colorful persona in bland biographical terms would not do him justice. As someone once said, ”Ye shall know him by his deeds.” To that end, repeating a few of his exploits will paint a much truer picture of the man than mere mundane prose.

A die-hard conservative, Myron devised a plan designed to keep politicians honest. Every year, he proposed, a special election should be held in each state to choose the worst example of political ineptitude and dishonesty among all who held elective office. The official who garnered the most votes in this hall of shame would be hanged on public television. This, he felt, would put future candidates and incumbents on notice that there would be dire consequences for malfeasance in office.

It was his habit on a weekend to stop at the clubhouse after nine holes to phone his bookie with bets on the afternoon games. One day he took a long time to emerge, finally joining us on the tenth tee. “What happened?” we wanted to know.

“My wife was stopped by a cop and he saw my gun in the glove compartment. They’re keeping her until I show up with the license.”

“What are you waiting for?”

“What’s the rush? She’s not going anywhere. Who’s up?”

Another gun story. Myron usually kept a bottle of Scotch and small revolver, duly licensed, in his golf bag. One day, after macular degeneration began to set in, he turned up with a 9MM semi-automatic pistol whose magazine protruded several inches below the butt. It held something like twenty-eight rounds.

‘What the hell do you need that for?” he was asked.

“Well, you know, I don’t see too well any more.”

During one period in his life Myron was homeless as a result of his divorce. Working nights cleaning up the parking lot of a large fast-food establishment, he lived in a van which was outfitted for camping – bunk, propane stove, toilet, all the amenities – and parked it on the job site. The shortest commute one could wish for.

His opinion of the medical profession was something less than complimentary. Doctors were often refried to as “hack mechanics for the body.” He believed that once they had you “in their clutches” they would never let you go and would call in specialists to share the work, and the billing. It is unfortunate that he was forced to accept the ministrations of so many of them at the end of his life.     

Myron’s greatest pride was in having been a Marine. He wore a gold Marine Corps emblem on a chain around his neck. His apartment was decorated with Marine memorabilia. One picture showed the young Myron, shirtless, hands on hips, standing in front of his DC3. Unintentionally, I’m sure, two of the propeller’s three blades seemed to protrude from his head like rabbit ears. He loved his country and was proud of having served in its time of need. Indeed, after 9/11, in a typical Myronean reaction, at the age of 78 he contacted the local recruiter and offered to help in any capacity, even as a janitor. His fondest wish was for a Marine Corps Honor Guard to participate in his final ceremonies. It was granted.

Myron was, if nothing else, his own man and took pride in being the “most stubborn person in the world.” Things were either his way or the highway. If he believed in something his opinion could not be swayed, nor could anything stop him from expressing it.

Myron Porochniak was the genuine article. What you saw was what you got. There was nothing phony about the man. If you didn't like him, that was your problem. If he didn't like you, that was also your problem. He commanded a great deal of respect among friends and detractors alike because he would never compromise his principles. Shakespeare said, ”To thine own self be true…” Myron certainly was that. He will be missed.

RIP, old friend.

WE HAVE MET THE ENEMY AND HE IS US.

In his classic definition, Albert Einstein tells us that “Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results.” Is that not eerily descriptive of the Massachusetts electorate? Governor Patrick rode into town four years ago and immediately antagonized us with new vehicles, drapes, and general arrogance. It was all downhill from there.

He promised us lower taxes A thousand extra cops on the street. He gave us a soft stance on illegal immigration. Casino gambling: Yes? No? Maybe? Well, yeah, we should have it, but… To put it plainly, after four years of hemming and hawing we still ain’t got it.

What we do have is an increased sales tax and a new tax on liquor purchases. No doubt there are other taxes, fees and charges which don’t immediately come to mind, plus the optional taxes on meals and rooms that towns may impose at their discretion. As if politicians have any discretion.

The country became caught up in a tide of anti Democrat sentiment. The Tea Party movement was part of it, as was the apparent failure of the Obama administration. Conservative candidates chalked up impressive victories in every quarter. Surely Duvall could never be reelected, could he?

Well, he was. In a three way race that, in addition to the incumbent and his Republican challenger Charlie Baker, included Democrat Tim Cahill. Mr. Cahill renounced his party affiliation and ran as an independent. Although a distant last in all the polls from the beginning, Cahill refused to drop out despite calls from many quarters to do so. One cannot but wonder as to his motivation for staying in a race in which he obviously could not compete, much less win. Will he be offered a hackship in the Patrick administration? Would you be surprised?

To chronicle the misdeeds of the legislature would take far more space than we have here. Suffice it to say that our upstanding representatives on Beacon Hill have been mired in legal difficulties for, well, would it be too far out of line to say forever? There have been numerous suspicions, rumors, accusations, indictments, even convictions in the thirty-six years since I moved here. I’ve been told that it has been going on, again, “forever.” And I thought New Jersey was bad!

Misdeeds on the part of individual legislators are one thing, but the governing body as a whole apparently thinks nothing of blatantly ignoring the expressed will of the people. Governor Dukakis’ “temporary” increase of the income tax in 1989 and the subsequent attempts to roll it back come to mind. So does not allowing a vote on gay marriage after we successfully petitioned to put it on the ballot in 2007. Passing a mandatory seat belt law in 1986 after we had repealed the previous one by a 53% to 47% margin. Massachusetts voters passed a clean elections law in 1998, which was repealed in 2003, before it was fully in effect.

The ping pong game with Senator Kennedy’s senate seat. The governor will appoint his successor. No. Wait. The governor is a Republican. Quick! Change the law! Special election instead. Hold on! Suppose a Republican wins it? Democrat governor now. Change it back again! How’s that for blatant arrogance?
 
All of that speaks volumes about the caliber of candidates who run for office in this state, but it is even more revealing about the electorate. In all that time, while the citizens of the Commonwealth have been complaining about their representatives, nearly all of whom come from a single political party, they keep electing and reelecting politicians from that same party!

True, we’ve had some Republican governors. Most were moderates at best, if not RINOs. Republicans In Name Only. Ed King and Mitt Romney come to mind as two exceptions. There may have been others but with the heavily Democrat legislatures with which they’ve had to work, their power has been severely limited.

This past election, with almost the entire nation trending toward change - not Obama change but real change - Massachusetts incredibly opted for the status quo. Alexis de Tocqueville, some say, holds that, “In a democracy, the people get the government they deserve.” So, if things don’t go your way and you’re looking for someone to blame, look in the mirror.

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DON'T FALL FOR THEIR TRICKS

We’re coming down to the wire and decision time is nigh. Can’t decide? Some easily discernible clues can help you make up your mind. They all but scream at you in ads and commercials. You don’t even have to know who’s running. The content of the ads will tell you who to avoid. All you need do is vote for the other guy. The same is true of the ballot questions. The louder the screams to not pass them, the more certain you can be that passage is the way to go.

Look to see who is making the loudest noise while avoiding the issues. We’re talking attack ads. If one candidate is running a clean, respectful campaign, is not afraid to mention his past record and is making sensible promises, take note. If his opponent, on the other hand, can find nothing praiseworthy to trumpet about himself, and nothing with which to fault the other guy’s performance in office, pay attention.

When one person repeatedly and stridently harps on some alleged character flaw in his opponent, some nebulous scandal, real or imagined, from the distant past, you can arrive at only one conclusion. The guy is scared to death. He knows he can’t win on his merits. You may safely infer that the attackee is doing a decent job and deserves your vote while the attacker is pretty desperate to have to sink so low and has nothing to offer.

There are races in which the two major party candidates are joined by an alleged independent. The voter then has to determine who will be hurt should the odd man drop out. To put it another way, who benefits by the oddballs presence.

Ask yourself who would be the best candidate, using the criteria outlined above, If it were a two person race. Then vote for that man. Don’t let the presence of a stalking horse throw the race to a person you would not want to win. While not always the case, there is always a strong possibility that the odd party is in line for some reward if the otherwise loser should, because of his presence, win the race. Never, ever, throw your vote away on that third party candidate.

It’s equally easy to determine the best way to vote on the ballot questions. Where tax cutting measures are involved you have to determine whether losing those funds would seriously damage the state.

Are you satisfied that the state needs every cent it is now taking in? That’s ‘need’, as opposed to ‘want’. Unless you are really convinced that the state spends every penny wisely and that absolutely nothing can be cut, then vote to keep taxes at their present high level. That is never the case.

The ads and commercials deliberately try to scare you. Cutting taxes, they tell you, will inevitably result in cuts to education, fire and police protection, maintenance of infrastructure, aid of various kinds to the poor, and a host of other costs that no one would want to seriously impact. They never mention the other, wasteful items that can be reduced, or cut outright, without being missed.

Repealing the sales tax on alcohol is a no brainer. Opponents trumpet that package stores don’t deserve a break. Repealing this tax is not a break. Quite the opposite. Imposing the tax in the first place was an undeserved punishment. Repealing it rectifies that injustice.

The purpose of any tax should be to raise the funds necessary, and ‘necessary’ is the key word, to govern. That being true, taxation should never be used to punish an individual or industry, to legislate someone’s idea of morality, or to force a particular pattern of behavior on anyone.

Beer should not bear a greater burden than yogurt, for instance. Wine drinkers ought not be required to pay a greater share than tea sippers: there is already a hefty excise tax on alcoholic beverages. So that all consumers will be treated equally, all legal products except staples should be taxed at the same rate.

As for 40B, the only people who benefit from it are developers. It should be repealed and replaced with a fair affordable housing measure that doesn’t impact a town’s zoning laws or override density requirements.

We all must choose wisely and not be suckered by bombastic scare tactics that avoid the issues. The only goal of personal attacks is to hide serious shortcomings. We know how well that has worked, don’t we?

Throw the bums out and don’t give them any more money.

 

THROW THE BUMS OUT!

Do you remember all the times the legislature has angered you? When you said to yourself something like, “Geez! We gotta get ridda dese bums!” There was, for instance, the sorry soap opera scenario involving Governor Dukakis’ “temporary” increase of the income tax in 1989, and all the attempts since to repeal it, very clearly delineated in this piece by Barbara Anderson of Citizens for Limited Taxation. Ms Anderson also reminds us of other transgressions by an arrogant legislature.

Do you remember recent incidents like raising the sales tax to 6¼%? Not allowing a vote on gay marriage even after we petitioned to put it on the ballot in 2007? Passing a mandatory seat belt law in 1986 after we had repealed the previous one by a 53% to 47% margin? The clean elections law Massachusetts voters passed in 1998, which was repealed in 2003, before it was fully in effect?

Remember the drapes in the governor’s office? His Cadillac SUV? The 1,000 extra cops on the street? The lower taxes he promised us? His soft stance on illegal immigrants? The arrest, conviction, and/or indictment of numerous prominent officials? Candidates and officials who have “forgotten” to pay their taxes?

We were twice insulted by legislation designed to ensure a vacated senate seat would go to a member of the majority party. When John Forbes Kerry, whom some had the effrontery to refer to as JFK, ran for president, Democrats were terrified that, should he win while Mitt Romney was governor, a Republican would be appointed to fill the seat. So your legislature and governor changed the law to call for a special election instead, a guaranteed win for Democrats in this one party state.

After the death of Senator Kennedy, the legislature was panicked once more. The special election, which they had instituted for their own selfish ends, might not be held until after a critical vote on the president’s health care bill. But wait! A Democrat was governor! So they simply changed the law again to empower Duval Patrick to appoint an interim successor. A vital vote favoring the controversial bill was assured.

Now we’re asked to reelect these unresponsive hacks and to reject three ballot questions which will lower taxes or limit their authority. Question 1 gives us the opportunity to repeal the sales tax on alcoholic beverages. Question 2 would repeal chapter 40b and Question 3 would cut the sales tax to 3%.

This time let’s show the pols who’s boss by voting a resounding YES on all three questions. 40b is a way for developers to sidestep local zoning regulations. Its impact on affordable housing is minimal while its effect on density can be devastating. There are other, better, ways to provide housing for the less fortunate.

As for the two tax questions vote to pass both unless you believe that the state has already cut spending to the bone, that government positively needs every penny it can get its grubby hands on and there is absolutely no place in the budget where savings can be effected. If anyone is truly that naive then he must be cautioned not to buy one of those passes for the Canal Tunnel or the Bridge to Nantucket that can be found in novelty shops throughout the Cape.

Past events would indicate that it doesn’t matter how we vote. There is a strong possibility that the legislators will do as they please anyway. So the first order of business is to send a message by throwing out those who have betrayed us in the past. There is an easy way to do this without wasting a lot of time on researching voting records. Republicans currently hold only 20 of 200 seats in the state legislature. Simply vote against any name with a D in front of it and you can’t miss.

For many one party loyalists that’s like a kid taking cod liver oil, but it’s time we held our noses and became a true two party state. The key is to throw out those who have betrayed us and not to let their replacements take any more of our money!

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DEMOLITION DERBY?

It doesn't have to be. It’s summer. Time to assess driving on Cape Cod. It’s a whole different experience on our narrow, winding roads this time of year than when the invaders finally leave and we can enjoy our lovely peninsula in peace.

Not that transients are necessarily bad drivers but their sheer numbers are daunting. Driving in a resort area in season can be a very troubling experience for residents and non-residents alike.

The visitors, euphemistically referred to as ‘guests’ by those who profit from them, which is really pretty much all of us, are on vacation. They don’t have to deal with everyday life as the rest of us do. They can forget work, shopping, doctor’s appointments, car repairs, household chores, and the other mundane aspects of daily existence with which the rest of us must contend.

They meander leisurely along, enjoying sights which we take for granted. It’s why they’re here. Their unfamiliarity with the area exacerbates the slow vehicular progress and infuriates those who live on The Cape. The worst of the invading horde appear to feel that, for the cost of an overpriced hotel room or cottage, they’ve purchased sole proprietorship of Cape Cod.

Some of us who don’t own restaurants or lodging facilities forget that we, too, benefit from the tourist industry. They contribute a great deal to our economy while requiring little in the way of services such as schools and other resources. Courtesy and consideration by both sides would go a long way toward making our motoring lives more pleasant.

There are remedies which can alleviate the situation. Year rounders can adjust their driving habits and times to suit the seasonal circumstances. Leaving a little earlier will often help and, you ‘guests’, remember that the guy in the pickup truck behind you banging his head on the steering wheel might have a job to get to, or a doctor to see. If you must stop to watch, say, a harbor full of picturesque marine activity, pull over and let him by.

Outlanders should research their routes before starting out. Nothing infuriates a Caper like having someone stop in the middle of an intersection and unfold a map. It often evokes some very colorful language so, to protect your children from words they don’t teach in school, don’t do it.

Cape residents have learned that errands are best tended to in the middle of beautiful beach days. Give our visitors time to have breakfast and get out on the sand, boat, or golf course before you head for the supermarket or drug store. As for dining out, save it for the off season. Prices are lower, restaurants are uncrowded and the real tourist traps, which you probably don’t want to patronize anyway, are closed.

There are also traffic regulations which make a bad situation worse. My favorite is giving pedestrians the right of way in crosswalks. Drivers unfamiliar with the practice come upon those little signs in the middle of the road and freeze. Some stop, others slow to a crawl. In a few cases they are completely ignored. Each of those options can cause an accident.

Some foolish pedestrians take the signs at their word. Whatever the state of the traffic, they have the right of way and by golly, they’re crossing NOW! They just stride off the curb and into the street, daring cars to hit them. After all, they have the law on their side. As the old poem goes:
   
    Here lies Jane Doe who died today
    Killed defending her right of way.
    She was right, dead right, as she crossed along
    But she’s just as dead as if she were wrong.

Need we mention rotaries? Apparently many out of state drivers are unfamiliar with the concept. They work just fine for those who know how to negotiate them. It takes just the right blend of caution and aggression. There’s nothing as disconcerting as having the car in front of you wavering indecisively in the middle of a busy rotary.

Overly polite drivers can be more hazardous than any other. If you’re moving along with the flow and the car in front of you stops suddenly to let another vehicle enter the road, whose fault is the mishap that might result? Do we not have the right to expect traffic to keep moving absent any impediment? Just because some dimwit wants to feel noble, he should learn that excessive courtesy can also cause accidents.

It’s really not difficult to drive safely through the summer months on Cape Cod. Choose your times carefully, use the back roads if you can, obey the law, be courteous and have some patience. Winter will be here before you know it and you’ll have to cope with a new dynamic. Snow.