CapeCodToday Blog Chowder

Your articulate letter has me reeling this morning. I wanted to add another thought: You are correct when you say that part of the problem we are experiencing on Cape Cod stems from the older population. They are finished raising their children and feel they have no obligation to help us raise ours. This is a tragic reality, since the communities where they once raised their children felt obligated to support their family's school system. It saddens me that when they retire here, they aren't willing to do the same for our children. What they don't realize is that their actions have consequences in terms of crime, civic stability, cultural pride, and the list goes on. When you don't invest in your community on a multitude of levels, everyone suffers. This community is not a role model for schools, youth involvement, "well-rounded" young people and compassion for our children. It is an example of how an aging population can topple the very foundation that supports them.

Sadly, they are frequently the only people who show up for town meetings.

Margot

Dear Mr. Ornstein,

Thank you for your letter. Cape Cod needs you. You are touching on frustrations I've felt for thirteen years. Since my last child is graduating this year, I can finally sigh with relief. The problem runs deeper than anyone cares to admit--drug abuse here has reached epic proportions, and so many of our youth's problems are all but ignored. Our children on Cape Cod are NOT the focus, sadly. If I could do it all over again, I would have packed up my children's crayons and moved as far away from the Cape as we possibly could. That's not much help to you. I plan to give a more in depth response to you in my blog "Cape Musings' very soon.

My Best,

Margot Russell Hanrahan

There is a huge problem with drugs and teens on Cape Cod. As the mother of three teenagers here, my head is not stuck in the sand on this issue. The cause is diverse and stems from many factors. The fact that the Cape is a bedroom community to Boston and that everyday interaction with culture and ideas is limited certainly plays a part. The average year round person here is trying to make ends meet. If I could do it all over again, I would have moved away from here before my children started kindergarten. I am disappointed in the school system here, and that's just for starters. The things I hear from my children would make you sick. My daughter, for instance, was at a birthday party last year sponsored by a girls' parents. Three thugs came in and started beating up a girl who lived Off Cape because she made a face at one of them. They hit her over the head with a beer bottle and then started kicking her on the ground. Yes, this could happen anywhere. It's one example of thousands in how good kids have to interact with thugs here on a daily basis. It's a small community.

My God. Cape Cod has turned into a collision course. I hold my breath everytime my children walk out the door with the car keys in their hands. Hey people! Observe the rules of the road. Stop pulling out in front of people. Show courtesy. Slow down!

I just want to thank my fellow writers at Cape Cod Today for the thoughtful, well written story on Dan Mcguire. My daughter graduated with Dan in 2007 and we were all saddened to hear the news of his passing. You did a fine job painting a picture of this amazing young man.

Some interesting comments here.

I don't have an agenda. I like to call things as I see them. I see a lot of ostriches on Cape Cod with their heads in the sand--not dealing with serious problems here, like an inept justice system and several corrupt police forces.

At the tail end of raising three teenagers, you wouldn't believe the things I have seen parents doing in my own community. A total lack of values and morals, like letting their daughter's boyfriend spend the night, letting kids drink at their house, a complete lack of discipline and punishment. I grew up in a completely different sort of community in western New York and wish I hadn't raised my kids here. I thought it would be different, but the youth population on the Cape has some serious problems, including really lax schools.

Crusader,
Thank you for pointing out such a valid point. I am very familiar with the court systems here after being a reporter for many years. Kids on Cape Cod understand something very important: If you commit the crime, you won't do the time. I have seen it over and over again. We've sent a message to our youth: Do what you like. Crime isn't punished here.

Monposset: I really have no words to describe the disdain I feel toward your first post. To think that the victimized family might Google their names one day to keep up with the press on this story and see your comments first on this post...well, might I say, how horrible for them. But, in reality, you have only served to underscore my point about Cape Cod. So, perhaps I should thank you. Glad you got such a chuckle out of such a sad and horrible story. What a sad commentary on your state of mind.

I think there's a little truth in everyone's contentions. There are people who live here that really like it. They are a certain kind of people and this place suits them. The ironic thing is that my husband's business has done very well and we are not "have-nots" but neither one of us really likes it here. Too late in life to start over elsewhere--he's established now and we have retirement to think about. We are both from western, New York--very friendly places and have never adjusted to the Cape's cold facade. Most of our friends moved here from elsewhere too, and we all feel the same way. I have a friend who is a single mother and this place has destroyed her. I have had to create my own job opportunties because there are few real jobs and making good friends is a ten-year proposition. We joined a small yacht club so the kids could sail and the people there are an incredible bunch of snobs. It's either snobs or losers in our neck of the woods. My main goal is to get my kids out of here so they don't fall into the "Cape Cod trap."

I really wasn't trying to take an "easy shot" at the church. I was merely trying to point out that solving problems takes focus and resources---tangible ones. If the church wants to create good in the world, they might stop putting all their focus and attention on "evil" and create the very peace they so extol. They might sell a few of their paintings or open up the vault and feed a village, or get children vaccinated, or start college tuition funds for needy kids. Those are REALITY based ideas that can create real change. BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE.
As for the "limbo" comment---that is a true story, Just put it in your search engine and read for yourself. I was raised a Catholic--and we all know the church's stance on unbaptized babies was that those babies went to limbo. I still can't believe they tried to shovel that concept down all of our throats, but to me, it's no different than their devil story. The Church's main goal for 2000 years has been to wrestle control from the people. I suppose concepts like the devil and "limbo" were two ways to get control. How sad.

I, too, am really looking forward to part two.
I had to move to the Cape because of my husband's job almost fifteen years ago, and I "got" this place right away. Wasn't fooled by it for a second. I think there are a lot of problems here that everyone ignores in favor of the "Pottery Barn life." I found raising children here very difficult--not just because of the school systems but also because of the bad "element." My kids who are in college now say that kids from the Cape feel "different" and "ackward" in college from their college mates having been so isolated here all their lives and having learned to live with a different set of rules and social norms than the rest of the world. Isolation might be great for retirees but I don't think it was so great for raising kids, or for a young family who would have much preferred a bit more culture, a bigger dose of reality in daily life--not to mention a community that is proactive about its problems. I don't find people in New England very friendly or easy to get to know, especially if you're moving from a friendly part of the US...

Quote by Benjamin Franklin

Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

If I am following your line of reason here, you are saying that why involve the government in a call for an investigation when they are so dysfunctional to begin with? I agree whole heartedly, if that is your point. I said in an above post that calling on the very people who covered this up in the first place is a joke. And to further that point, the state of our world is an absolute mess. With all of our advancements and technology we still can't solve fundamental problems, even those we face here at home. Democracy has become an excuse for capitalism. No one trusts our elected officials--polls show our complete disgust with our system. It's time to start looking at the bigger picture here. Eisenhower warned us in his farewell address about big government and secret spending---those who act without constituional authority. The UFO matter is further proof that there are no checks and balances..

Could someone, in very sparse and concise language, outline (in short, numbered and concise sentences) what is exactly being said here? Because for the life of me, I don't get it. Is it something like this?
1) Someone posting here was a juror in the CW trial. She says out of fear she had to leave the Cape.
2) She doesn't believe the right man is in jail, though I can't understand exactly why she thinks that.
3) The real killer is still walking free, and several public officials aided in the coverup.
4) The motive may have been money--like life insurance?

Sorry to bud in to this conversation, but I happened on it by mistake and for a moment it looked interesting, until it wasn't anymore...

Intriguing stuff, to say the least.

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Relationships with people change form all of the time--for most people. The only constant thing in the world is change. Keep in mind that the hardest things we go through are often our greatest teachers. While that sounds cliche, it's true. We can see adversity as a cruel joke, or we can see it as an opportunity for discovery, new experiences and a fresh start. One door must close before another opens, right? Grieve for a while, put on your tall boots and walk through the crap and then let go of it all. Once you do, you can dust yourself off and see what else life has in store for you..

Good Luck...

Hi Jeff, Thanks for your comments. What I meant by the pedophile comment was to say that the fact we even have pedophiles points to our lack of evolution. I wasn't commenting that they were put jail, but commenting on their existence. Perhpas I should edit that sentence and make it a bit more clear. Thanks...

The comments on this blog have been fascinating! I think I expected more ridicule rather than such a general consensus on the idea that something else may be breathing in the universe. And yes, our paridigm's would be turned upside down if the truth came out. Religions are all about control. They've taught us that the only truth that exists must be imparted to us from them and that their priests, ministers, etc. are the only ones competent enough to decide what truth is. Our government does the same. Thus, we have been a nation and a world of "sheeple," too busy paying off high interest rates and too accustomed to having everything decided for them to seek the truth themselves. I'm not sure the consciousness of the present world is ready for such truths, and eliciting help from the government to figure out the UFO mystery is like throwing the sheep to the wolves. They decided long ago (the 1940's) that we weren't entitled to the truth. And thus erupted a secret government within the government that spends upwards of 100 billion a year on secrecy, dis-information and research.

You know, folks, it's really time to get with the facts. This article made headlines yesterday. Pilots and officials confronted congress asking for them to continue studies. These are not crazy people but government officials and experienced pilots. Are your credentials any better? Do your credentials somehow make you more sane or competent? What is your education exactly? Are you a high ranking military official, a pilot with thousands of flight hours? Is it just easier to ridicule these people than it is to turn off your television and read the article, confront the possibility that there is more to life than meets the eye? Or do you just prefer to perpetuate the stereotype that Americans are lazy,ignorant and uneducated bafoons? What are your thoughts on why Brazil has initiated a new governmental organization to study the UFO matter? What do you think of the Atlantic Commander of the US Navy giving testimony that he has covered up information regarding UFO's? Have you watched his testimony? Or do you disbelieve him without any reason to do so? Debate the facts here..

Oh, Ted. I thought you'd graduated to first grade! Kindergarten must be fun, though.

No, actually lots of schools on the Cape have headmasters now who are in charge of specific grades.

My friend can't move---she has family here and wouldn't be able to survive at this point without them--she still has kids at home. Of course I don't expect you to pay her bils--I was merely pointing out that not EVERYONE who has problems is a loser. If I've done nothing else with this post, I hope I've proven that.....

I heard that kids were breaking into houses to steal food from a friend of mine who is really involved in one of the Cape commmunities and school systems. One of the headmasters at school told her this as it was brought to his attention by the local police.

CapeMom-Not everyone who has problems is a loser, and I'm really quite shocked at your contentions. My best friend was a well-known local graphic designer who is facing a very serious health issue right now. She's raised two wonderful children alone and made very good money "for the Cape." She is no longer able to work and her problems are huge right now. By your standards, we should just call her a loser and tell her to move away?! Are you raising your children with this lack of compassion and empathy towards the world? Discussing serious problems that plaque our community is hardly whining--in fact, it's healthy. You seem to typify the prevailing attitude so abundant on Cape Cod that "the world is cruel, so suck it up or move away." People with mental or physical disabilities are not "losers," but I think you've made it clear where you stand in line for sensitivity chips.

Yes, life is full of choices, but some of us are born on a different rung of the ladder and our choices are whether to have spaghetti-o's or grilled cheese for lunch. There are kids who live on Cape Cod and are breaking into houses for food. They have a whole other set of choices you've never even had to consider. People with mental illnesses didn't get to decide their fate, either do disabled people. You get my drift here? The so-called choices you all like to applaud are stacked differently for different people. That's the nature of life. My contention here is that poverty exists and not everyone deserves it, as you all like to point it. I still say that the amount of compassion and understanding one holds towards this reality defines who you are as a person.

Manatee: It seems that YOUR reality is one that uses a market force model to create your view of the world. It's perfectly okay to you that intelligent and hardworking people are priced out of our area---people who have so much to offer our community--bright and interesting people who might have been your neighbor--like the oceonographer, for example. And it's okay with you if we become a two-class society--the rich and the poor--it's their own fault, after all if their poor. There are people on the Cape who have ALWAYS lived here who visit food banks once a month in their old age. Yet, this is their HOME. Your model dictates that they just pack up and leave in their 80's because, well, it's their own damn fault for ending up that way.

This has become a consumer driven world and when you let materiality dictate the way we treat others--and dictate the way you think--then you become a bank account without a soul.

I am really quite shocked by some of the comments here. I have a housekeeper, too, my friends, but I haven't lost my soul.

One more point: I was a single mother on the Cape for a time working as a news broadcaster and reporter. I am college educated and made absolute peanuts although I worked 60 hours a week at my job. Cape Codders are paid more than 20% percent less than the rest of the state. That's unacceptable. Cape Cod has always gotten away with this. "Well, it's the CAPE" our employers tell us. "What are you going to do?" Employers here act like they're doing us a big favor by hiring us, because, hey, it's a beautiful place! Give me a break.

CapeMom's answer to that question is to move! How about demanding better pay for the work we do?

My life has changed quite a bit since those days, but I have compasion and a great amount of sympathy for those who now walk in my old shoes.

And trust me when I say that ANY community is better off with a melting pot of people from all walks of life. It enriches us as people and underscores the reality that life, alas, is not all black and white.

Crabby or not, I work in the tourism industry and I'm here to tell you that tourism means competition. The Cape isn't cutting it and hasn't for a long time.

And consider this: A doctor of oceanography couldn't afford to live on the Cape and was forced to leave her job at WHOI. She's not a waitress CapeMom, she has her doctorate.

Market forces seem to dictate everything--rendering compassion, higher thinking and rationality to the backwaters of existence. I for one believe that the way we treat others is the sole determinant of one's character and the true criteria in which to judge a society.

This post is generating some interesting viewpoints. Recently, I've been listening to the NPR radio series called "The Other Cape Cod" which points out the serious problems many people experience living here, including poverty and lack of housing. I'd like to do some writing which expands on that series---for there are far more problems on Cape Cod than disgruntled tourists...

By the way, Monposset---the thought of you checking out the kitchen everytime you visit a new restaurant has me in stitches. And I mean that in a nice way. I just can't picture strolling back to the kitchen doors with my white gloves on, looking in the ovens and checking to make the sure the poultry is up to par. But hey, if the kitchen is run like a well-oiled machine, I guess they should have nothing to hide. What do you do if the kitchen is dirty????

I agree. The sniper comment was a bit out of line. It's easy to be mad at the tourists, but even easier to forget that our lives are more dependent on their visits than most people care to admit. What I've found so far this season is that most tourists are very nice and extremely interested in learning about the Cape and its history. They spend their money with passion as they bounce from place to place, hoping to see it all before they leave. We owe them our kind service and nice places to relax and unwind--and that includes food that has value....

flargh--Since most of the tours I do are off Cape, I actually agree with you. But the tourists are here to stay-like it or not. Yes, Route 28 is an abomination. I tell everyone to head to 6A to get a real feel for the olde Cape. Hyannis and RT 28--they both steal the class from Cape Cod. Plastic lobsters....what a shame...

And to Ringo-I think it's you who's being snobby. Just because someone is working class, doesn't mean they deserve to pay $25 for a crappy meal. In fact, those are the people who can least afford it. Everyone who eats here deserves good service, decent (at the very least) food and people on the streets who are happy to see them. You know as well as I do those tourist traps that serve terrible food and charge a fortune for it. We should have some pride and expect better than that.

I did not say that all restaurants on the Cape had awful food and service. There are certainly examples of fine dining. Tourism as a whole, though, needs some rethinking. We can't serve shriveled up bakers the way we used to--our visitors deserve better. If we want to compete, we need to revamp. And we need to smile more.

Just because I live on Cape Cod, does mean I must blindly applaud it's shortcomings. I've lived here long enough to berated by grouchy locals, to eat more than my share of crummy meals and to find the shopping often falls short of "charming." No place is perfect, but it doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

Here is my reply to those who'd prefer to make excuses for the sorry state of tourism on the Cape:

The truth hurts.

Tourists have been getting crappy food and bad service for centuries. It's time to evolve. The world is changing. We can either change with it or suffer the consequences.

Ha, Monponsett! That is certainly one way. Another is to show up looking great at your reunion! Gorgeous, healthy and happy, if at all possible...

Loved your post. What a great "to-do" list.

Neil,

Thanks for your comments regarding battered males. It's only fair to look at both sides of the story and I thank you for adding balance here.

Margot

Here's a sobering fact:
On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day.

Most abused women believe that harm and even death will come to them --even if they leave. In many cases, women believe that it's kill or be killed. But we have to be careful here. We live in a lawful society.

You're right. I would protect my children in any and every capactiy. That goes without saying.

And age isn't a factor here. A mother is always a mother.

Producer:

I don't think the word "deserves" is the right word, as it carries an emotional component. No one really "desrves" to die at all--even from a heart attack.

The question in this case will be whether or not Gryboski was acting in self-defense and whether or not continued and sustained abuse by her husband was a factor in her reaction.

You mention that her beating allegedly took place the day before he was shot. Gryboski claims her husband came after her again, when she tried to break up a fight between him and her son. This, if substantiated, would imply self-defense.

Also keep in mind that battered women frequently employ the "paper bag theory." Each abusive episode is held in a paper bag (figuratively)--and they often don't react until the bag is full. It's the "last straw" sort of thing. The bag bursts.

The photo is certainly a tool in her defense. It may prove that her allegations are true--that she was beaten by her husband and here is the picture to prove that it is so.

Thank you, Francis, for posting this group of priceless comments! You made my day. Reagan's and O'Rourke's quotes are particularly relevant.

Hey Buzz,

When I spoke to the Lamberts folks the other day, they said they still weren't up and running 100%---and that it's going to take some time to get the shelves stocked to capacity... Hopefully, things will improve. You're right about the sandwiches, though. Lambers is definately an improvement over the old Stop and Shop subs, rolled up in cellophane and looking a little tired....

Monponsett:
The French are wonderful shoppers! In Europe, I appreciate the way most people shop for the day--insisting on fresh rather than shopping for two weeks at a time like the rest of us! Who is the buthcer you go to???

Awww, Monponsett.... I bet even YOU shop at Trader Joes..... :)

Thanks for letting us know that testosterone is alive and well in the male population! Changing a few diapers hasn't done a thing to lower it!

Still looking for a guy who does dishes.. :)

Thanks for this important reminder...

Cancer is truly a monster---and despite years of funding and research, we don't seem any closer to releasing its clutch.

My best friend died of breast cancer last year at the age of 51, leaving behind four children---two of whom are still in high school. She really did battle it with courage and cheerfulness, but that was little comfort given the result. Heredity seemed to play a part in her case...

Mammograms, physicals, proper diet...we hear about it all the time. It's important advice that we need to heed.

Last year, I made my husband an appointment to get a physical and ALL the tests males need after turning 50. We're both glad he did---not only did we find out that he's healthy, but we also established a baseline for future testing..

Thanks again for your thoughts.

The blog was meant to be a commentary on what it is like to have a strip club down the street from my house. It's not like we live in inner city Detroit, so the commentary is a way of defining the balance and growth of a small town.

I wasn't trying to decide what is right for my town, but merely introducing other thoughts and insights into the way other people in similiar situations react.

If Zachary's was gone tomorrow, I wouldn't cry, but like everyone else, I've gotten used to it.

Have I ever been in there? Yes, I have. But only on a girl's night out..and we stuck our heads in the door.
Although all the girl's had ID, they wouldn't let us in. That was ten years ago and to tell you the truth, I could care less now. Funny how turning 40 makes you less aware of the big picture.

I am not a prude...and thus appreciate your comments...

O'B-

I take offense to that. Better to come to the table armed with facts--published and provable facts, than to throw blame around without any attempt to back up your claims.

I believe that we live in a country where each persom has access to the tools to acheive amazing things, where hard work, education, creativity and imagination are still the back bones of success. Rather than addressing that-and many of the other facts that I put forth in my threads--you choose to be derogatory. But I'm hardly surprised. It's hard to contest reality.

Your liberal leanings--that the rich are to blame for society's ills-have begun to wear thin on the American public.

My beliefs aren't soundbites, sir. They come from facing my own adversity in life and a willingness to find solutions to my own problems rather than looking to other people (or the Government) to solve them for me. I believe in the power of each person to do the same. If that's a spiffy sound bite, well, I'll take that as a compliment, then.

O'B: Can you please respond to the following:

The bottom 80% of wage earners pay just 22% of the federal income tax burden. Now, how in the world can anybody with a brain come forth and say, "I am against tax cuts for the rich. I'm only going to have a tax cut for the middle class." If you give a tax cut to people in the bottom 20%, you're not going to stimulate the economy,. They're not paying any taxes!

The only country where a well-publicized UN Report found the poor actually getting poorer is Nigeria. That nation's economy has shrunk and its poverty has skyrocketed. Was this due to too much laizez-faire capitalism? No! The problem is corruption and too little freedom. Even the limited amount of capitalism in China is trickling down to the people.

Your stance is that capitalism leads to corruption and that successful people are greedy. This country features the opportunity for ordinary, everyday people to do extraordinary things. And I'm telling you, it happens every day and if it didn't, the country wouldn't be what it is.

The top 1% of wage earners pay 38% of the taxes in the US. Is it fair to have a tax cut and exclude them? People with the bottom fifth of income saw their tax rate drop to 5.2% from 6.7%. Yet because lower and many middle-income families have been paying very little federal income tax in the first place, those in that bottom fifth of earnings received an average tax cut of only $250.

So? They're not paying any taxes!

The liberal stance is always to punish the rich. I'm not wealthy, but I certainly believe in my potential to acheive any income level I desire. The literacy rate in this country is very high--the tools to succeed are there for everyone. We guarantee an education to EVERYONE for 13 years. Is it perfect? No. But our system has been perfect enough to catapult people out of poverty for two hundred years.

Statistics show most people in the US are doing better than their parents did.
Our standard of living is at an all time high.

Communism doesn't work. Education, passion and drive are still the standard bearers.