Cape Cod Sports Desk

Go George Mason

Sports related thoughts on a nice spring day... I'm injured, and I can only work in brief paragraph form:

- College ball sells differently than pro hoops do, but a Louisiana vs Northern Virginia NBA finals series or World Series would be a financial butt-raping that the league wouldn't recover from in a TV contract year season. I can recall a lot of ugly scenarios being painted for an Indiana/Utah NBA finals that we almost got a few years ago.

   That said, go George Mason!

- Enjoy it while it lasts, because they already fixed the hole in the dyke... but notice how a few years after the elite high school kids start going to the NBA in great numbers, you don't see Duke in the Final Four? I already want the Celtics to get that Greg Oden kid who will do his one year apprenticeship at Ohio State next year.

- Speaking of NBA drafts... while watching the Knicks suck this season, know that they traded away their #1 pick (which may just be the #1 overall pick) to the soon-to-be-competitive Chicago Bulls for chubby center Eddy Curry.  No hope for the future.... and the present sucks, too. They should be pretty awful about the time Oden "finishes" college.

- I've been laid up a lot recently, and I've been watching a lot of normal (read: non-sports) TV. One of the great shocks to my system is the show COPS. 

    Keep in mind the fact that I watch almost nothing on TV but sports when I tell you that- in a lifetime of NFL viewing- I have only seen maybe 5-10 instances where a white man was able to run a black man down from behind. The white guys on COPS  never lose a footrace.

   I'd advance "crack" as a theory, but lots of NFL guys smoke crack. Taking LT and Michael Irvin as evidence, you'd figure that crack would actually improve the rogue's ability to get away. Nope. I must add that the cops catch all the white guys, too.

   Granted, the footage is edited so that the good guys always solve the case... and much like the coyote/roadrunner show, you kind of figure out that you won't get to see anyone beaten on prime-time TV. Still, they should try to show a few fruitless chases now and then.

   I'd imagine that the show wouldn't get the ratings if it consisted of a series of shots involving teens running from cops, who sort of chase them for 50 yards before giving up. I still think it would make for compelling viewing. "G*ddamn kid runs like a f****** deer..."

   Crooks get away from the white cop on Law and Order... but he usually has a young black/Hispanic partner.

- I'm verty, verty interested in how the Patriots spend their first round pick next month. Our starting WRs look like Deion Branch and an aging Troy Brown, we lost the brutal Willie McGinest at OLB, we played a bunch of jabronis at cornerback all last year, our offensive line is shaky, and we even need a kicker.

   We pick fairly late (21st), but we'll be drafting a starter. A lot of sites have us drafting a Corey Dillon replacement, although the McGinest move has started prognosticators towards selecting us a big linebacker. I'd personally try to get a cornerback, although we'll probably go with the BAAATT... "best athlete available at the time."

   We won't take a kicker in the first round. Bill Parcells raised eyebrows once by taking Scott "Missin" Sisson in the fourth round. I would imagine that we'll take whoever we can get.

- Best name in the draft? D'Brickashaw Ferguson. He's too big to laugh at in person, but I'll say it here for everyone to see.... that's a goofy name. Ashton Youboty is pretty funny, too.

- Two fun things happen next month. The Boston Marathon and Opening Day for the Red Sox are both merely weeks away. I could give a damn about the marathon, but a lot of people love the stuff. Bet on whoever has the most Ys, Ks and Es in their first name, and you should do a-ight.

   The Red Sox lost Damon, but they still have Manny and Big Papi. The rotation looks like Clement, Schilling, Wells, Beckett, and maybe Wakefield. If I have to wait another 86 years to see them win again, I'll kill someone by 65 or so.

- Speaking of droughts, the Bruins are now the only local team not to win a championship in my lifetime. They just canned G.M. Mike O'Connell after a six year reign of error, and we don't look good for making the playoffs.

   I seem to recall Boston being a hockey town when i was a kid, but they have had a frightening loss of momentum recently. I taught for several years in both city and suburb, and I never once saw kids talking about hockey. I personally like hockey, but one gets the sense of looking down on a dying patient when watching it. Boston needs to make that team interesting very quickly.

- It'll be hard to do it this year without a big shot of Winstrol in the arse, but I can't wait to see Bud Selig having to suck up to Barry Bonds when he cracks homer 756. That will be one of the funniest prepared speeches of all time. With Bonds and all time hits leader Pete Rose both banned from the Hall Of Fame, it's getting to the point where a team of persona non gratas  could beat the best team you could scrape up out of the HOF.

All Give, No Take

   Football has been a lot of fun lately... which is odd, because they haven't been playing. Football has a sort of silly season that started last week and rolls past the NFL draft into early summer. We've just begun the free agent period, we're about a month away from the draft, and one man's loss is another man's gain.

   The Patriots have been on the wrong end of the import/export ratio process, and the hits have happened on offense, defense and special teams. The Patriots have a history of refusing to pay elder veterans top dollar- they've cast aside Ty Law, Lawyer Milloy, Ted Washington and other key spokes. Their record speaks for itself, but the process is ugly. "Surgical" might be a good way to describe it, and it doesn't live that far from "ruthless."

   I know at least 10 people who now have obsolete Patriot shirts, with the funniest being a counselor I know who rocked a red Grogan shirt with a belt as a sort of dress on Patriots Day before the most recent Super Bowl. I just recently lost a Flutie shirt, and Stephen's electric blue Undertaker Brown jersey isn't in any shape to be worn anywhere other than working under a car... but it can't be thrown out. I think it's sort of like throwing out a worn flag, in that some sort of ceremony must be followed.

   Adam Vinatieri, Willie McGinest, Ty Poole, David Givens, Christian Fauria, Tom Ashworth, Tim Dwight and a cast of thousand have left the Patriots just this week. Ad-V to the Colts hurts, because it's easy to loathe the Colts. It isn't Clemens/Yankees bad, but it's a lot different than Givens to the Titans.

    The only guy we signed is some bust WR from the Chargers. We lost three WRs- Givens, Dwight, and Andre Davis. I was rooting for Keyshawn to come here on the cheap, but he looks like Carolina's baby at the moment. Givens was sort of the 1A to the 1 of Deion Branch as far as being Brady's favorite target.  It seems possible that we'll draft one, and maybe two.

   I'll miss McGinest. He was a genuinely brutal man who went for the head, and putting him on the same field as Rodney Harrison made the defense into a sort of crime syndicate. His greatest moment was either stuffing Edgerrin James on the goal line to preserve a road win, or the game where he broke Jim Harbaugh's thumb and nose on successive sacks.  He owned Peyton Manning to the point where he could trade him in prison for Newports.

    Adam had his share of great moments. His foot won us 2 Super Bowls, a Snow Bowl, an Ice Bowl, and he took down Herschel Walker on a kickoff return as a rookie. He seemed to kick better as the weather got worse, a nice quality to have when you work in New England. If we lose a playoff game on a botched field goal- or, worse yet, if Adam boots us out himself, so to speak- a new Curse may just be born.

   It seems like we aren't going to sign anyone until the veterans start getting cut as camp opens. We'll have an interesting draft, as we need a linebacker, a cornerback, a kicker, a few wideouts, a tight end, a tackle,  and God knows what else.  We'll be working from Need, a far cry from the best-athlete-available picking we did during the Fat Times.

   Things have been working themselves out for the Patriots recently, and it's fair to assume that Belichick has some sort of plan in place to deal with the exodus.

Ph.D, Player Hater Degree

(Part of the "Most Hated Athletes" Project from AOL Sports)  

Hatred is good.

   Sure, that sounds wrong. It's supposed to. As cathartic as a good Hate can be, it can get ugly when misdirected. Once sanctioned, it is actively encouraged. Otherwise, people won't kill for their governments. Maybe all Hitler needed was a big hug and some understanding... but his reign of terror didn't truly end until the Russians started shelling his bunker.

   The Russians hated Hitler, and they were right to. His drang nach osten  killed about 3 times as many people as the Holocaust (Kids... if a teacher ever asks you who suffered the most during WWII, the answer is "USSR"), and it explains the Cold War better than any "commies hate your freedom" nonsense that the arms manufacturers give you.

   We're not really here to talk about THAT kind of hate. We're generally a happy bunch here at CCT. We're here to hate on athletes, which is more of a grey hatred than a blood-red, kill 'em all hatred that one might bear towards their daughter's rapist.

   This is also good, because that sort of hatred would lead to players being killed on the field. The best athlete hatred I've seen in my young life was the Colombian guy who got blasted by a fan after scoring in his own goal against the USA in a World Cup soccer game.

   Still, that was episodic, regional hatred. That guy could have lived next to you in America, and chances are good that you wouldn't give a damn. America is a lot bigger than Colombia, and it registers across thousands of miles when we hate someone.

   Sooooooooo.... with that in mind, let's look back on some athletes who took it to that next level. We're not talking Bonzi Wells(6th in a similar Maxim poll) here... I'm looking for people who were on the serious end of some legitimate, cross-country hatred. Not all of them deserved it, but life sort of works itself out that way from time to time.

- Jackie Robinson

   Sure, he's considered to be, in his own way, a great hero. I personally admire the hell out of the guy. He had what must be considered to be amongst the biggest balls in America. He broke the color line. He withstood a ton of abuse and snobbery. He shook it all off to become a truly (by his playing of the game) great baseball player.

   In what must be viewed as an ugly picture of the American sports fan, Robinson was frequently harassed. He took in death threats like you or I take in oxygen. Dudes on his own team wouldn't associate with him. There were many towns which would have gladly lynched Robinson if given the chance. Jackie was the 100% opposite of what they mean when they say "spoiled, pampered athlete."

   That Jackie rose above all this to have a great career is one of the whys that explains how he ended up being loved by black and white, young and old, and fan or non-fan. Any time I had a student who was holding a pity party, I'd try to relate how Jackie Robinson must have felt... and how he dealt with it... and how it all turned out for him in the end.

   There's probably no player in any sport who is as respected as Jackie Robison, and his rising above the hatred has more to do with it than a hot bat.

- Bill Buckner

   You simply KNEW that there was no way I'd write this article without getting to this sorry SOB. For most of his career, Buck was a solid hitting, steady fielding player. Boston wouldn't have made it to the 1986 World Series without him. In fact, most people watching the team hated the surly Jim Rice a lot more than they did the workmanlike first baseman.

   Then... a simple ground ball rolled between his legs. Boston lost yet another World Series, in a manner so awful that most (myself included) felt that God hated us. That may or may not be true, but we all hated Bill Buckner.

   It's a simple thing, really... just bend over and put your glove on that weak ground ball. Anyone who isn't in a wheelchair could do it... and probably all of the Murderball guys would have fielded that sucker and rolled over to first base to end the World Series drought.

   Boston is a good place for an athlete to retire- it's a traditional town with a long memory. We love our athletes. Johnny Pesky- who froze on a relay throw, essentially costing us the 1946 World Series- is revered here. Buckner retired to Montana, and I'm told that he still takes hit about the rounder-gay from bison and sasquatches.

- Wilt Chamberlain

  "Nobody loves Goliath," sayeth Wilt. Not too long before Wilt arrived, the NBA was a set-shot, bounce pass league. 80 points was a high-scoring game, and gangly, bumbling George Mikan was an overwhelming force.

   Then Wilt came along, and the game changed heroically. A lot of guys who were serious players simply vanished off the map once Wilton came to the game.

   Wilt- to my knowledge- never did drugs, never slapped up his coach, never went into the stands to tool on someone... and never got the love that one of the greatest players of all time deserved. The more team-oriented Boston Celtics were the darlings of the league, and the standard by which all other franchises would be measured. Wilt- who won an assists title in 1966 or so, and once averaged MORE than 48 minutes per game- was considered to be selfish and unmotivated.

   Jerry West and Elgin Baylor never won d*ck until they teamed up with Wilt. Wilt played against Cousy, a rookie Kareem, frequently dominated Bill Russell, and even spent some time in the ABA. He wrote a highly entertaining biography. He was a walking basketball encyclopedia, yet he never got a GM job, never was asked to do national TV commentary, and most likely went to his grave wondering why a flash in the pan like Bill Walton got TV time that Wilt deserved more.

   Wilt was hated AND loved, kids... remember, he slept with over 20,000 women.

- Barry Bonds

   We have not yet begun to hate Barry Bonds yet, and he may floor the needle if he can break Henry Aaron's record.

   Barry is a surly dolt. He bemoans the lack of respect given to black athletes, even as his home runs land in McCovey Cove. He's a career length loser. He bad-mouths a city (Boston) as racist, ignoring the fact that it was the heart of the Abolitionist movement that eventually got his greatgreatgreat grandfather out of slavery. He even openly cheated on his wife, and he threatened to kill his mistress several times.

   That's all small-time stuff, and up until recently, Bucky Friggin' Dent was more hated here in the Bean. But Barry had to take it to that next level.

   Jealous of the praise that a white guy and an affable Hispanic were getting as they chased Roger Maris' home run record, Bonds fell into steroid abuse like a drunkard falling off the wagon. He went from a lithe left-fielder to a burly, swollen joke that even children knew was a good example of Better Living Through Chemistry.

   Granted, people should probably have shifted some of his hatred onto McGwire and Sosa. They were doing the same damn thing. Time, like tide, favors no man... and Barry just happened to hit his Juice Peak as people were starting to get upset about steroid abuse.

   The fact that he continues to deny it makes it even funnier. Now, with Game Of Shadows  hitting the bookstores, try to like this joker.

- Ty Cobb

   As hard as it might be for a decent person to hate Jackie Robinson, it's easier to hate a dinosaur like Ty Cobb.

   While he was way before my time, Ty hated blacks, cheated, intimidated, went after fans, and probably thought that Hitler was a fine politician. While he owns some records, they were garnered against inferior (read: segregated) competition.

  ( In all fairness... while Babe Ruth never hit against Stachel Paige, Satchmo never pitched to Babe Ruth, either. In the end, you can only root for Hank Aaron with a clean conscience.)

   From what I read... if a car backfired (and this was 1910ish, when a lot of cars backfired), Ty would hit the deck. Even when he knew it was a car backfiring, it was simply better odds by eating some turf. That's hatred, and Allen Iverson probably never developed this stimulus/response set.

- Latrell Sprewell

   Latrell is a hard-nosed player who came out of nowhere to become an NBA star for a few years. Latrell's main thing is anti-authoritarianism.

   Upset with something his coach (P.J. Carliesemo) said, Latrell grabbed him around the neck and choked him out like a wrestler. He was suspended for a season, and cheated out of millions of dollars.

   Remember, Spree had gone after a teammate a few weeks before with a 2x4. Nothing came of this. But once he went after a white coach, he was upsetting the balance of things.

   Throw in his infamous "I have to feed my family" joke of a line when complaining about making $14 million, and you have a guy who could piss off the Good Humor man.

- Terrell Owens

   T.O. is a favorite of mine, but people sho' do hate this guy.

   As far as I can tell, TO's offenses include dancing on the star at Texas Stadium, allowing his ego to hyper-inflate the traditional touchdown celebration, speculating on how his team would fare with a different quarterback (I never heard him openly wish for a white field general) and trying to renegotiate his contract a few months after he affixed his signature to it as a symbol of trust.

   He was then attacked by his own team's bad-assador, and was suspended for it. While you and I don't know who threw the first punch, we do know that only TO had any legitimate reason to be in that locker room. He is now seen as a cancer, even though his mere presence in Philly lifted a perennial also-ran into the Super Bowl- a game that, ironically, he was the only Eagle to show up for. When they got rid of him, the team went into the toilet like last night's chili.

- Eddie Shore

   Eddie was what hockey fans call an "enforcer." This means that he played "dirty." Eddie would go out of his way to injure opponents, and his wicked cheap shot on Ace Bailey nearly ended his life.

   While he was loved here (except by the police, who planned to prosecute him the moment Bailey died), many people rightly viewed him as a common thug. There are several cases of the stands emptying onto the ice to attack him.

   It has nothing to do with hatred, but Eddie Shore is known for driving from Boston to Montreal for a game (after his Bailey suspension ended) in a car with no windshield. His hands had to be pried off of the steering wheel, and he never lost the frostbite scars.

   This is also the guy the Hansen Brother is speaking of when he asks Oglethorpe if he knows Eddie Shore. Whoever wrote the part of the script that featured Eddie Shore as a role model for a hockey team that suddenly wanted to go non-violent... well, that's Hollywood for you, kids.

- Kobe Bryant

   "You hate me because of my fadeaway... because I'm a veteran... because I'm a champion..."

   Actually, Kobe... it has more to do with the rape you bought your way out of, your infidelity to your wife (who you also paid off with), your chasing the lovable Shaq out of the town he should have retired in, and your shameless gunning that would humble a Gulf War vet.

   That said, he's a remarkable talent who can win a playoff series all by his damn self.

- O.J. Simpson

   Most people are more intelligent than a random group of Californians (see: Rodney King trial, Governor Ahhhhnold), so it worked out to Mr. Simpson losing the Trial Of Public Opinion. He'll never work in this town again.

   Two Ahhnold sidebars to the OJ story.

1) Had OJ lost that trial and been sentenced to death, there would have been an endless appeals process. Eventually, it'd be needle time... and only Arnold Schwarzenegger could have saved his life.

2) O.J. was offered the Terminator  role that later made a star of Ahhhnold

   That said, he got away with murder, and deserves nothing better than to be murdered in his sleep by his own son.

   Here's a few of our friends, weighing in on the Hatred in their own way:

· NCAA football's most-hated figure poll via Fanblogs (I wish Mark May was mounting more of a challenge)

· MLB's most-hated player survey via The Juice Blog (One guy's campaigning for Jose Offerman)

· NBA's most-hated player poll via Yay Sports (Carlos Boozer is making a push)

· NFL's most-hated player poll via Dave's Football Blog (The refs are coming in 4th place)

· NHL's most-hated player poll via Off Wing (11% are hating Sean Avery for dating Elisha Cuthbert)

· NCAA basketball's most-hated figure poll via Sportz Assassin (Guess who the most-hated player is)

· NASCAR most-hated person survey via Diecast Dude (Kurt Busch -- and his pinned ears -- are doing well)

"The horrible thing about the Two Minutes Hate was not that one was obliged to act a part, but that it was impossible to avoid joining in. Within thirty seconds any pretense was always unnecessary. A hideous ecstacy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to torture, to smash faces in with a sledge hammer, seemed to flow through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning one even against one's will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a blowlamp."

Thru Monday...Most Hated Athlete Broadcast: AOL Sports: Sports Bloggers Live

A to the K

   One of the reasons I love the NBA is that they have a truly one-of-a-kind bunch of people in that league. The NFL is funny, but they lack the requisite European presence to be a truly world-wide goofathon. NASCAR and the NHL are funny if you live in the right areas. Baseball has a South American tinge, but it is also our oldest and most American sport. The NFL lacks the requisite European presence needed for this story:

Salt Lake Tribune - Utah Jazz

    Andrei Kirilenko is a dynamic young Russian playing for the Utah Jazz. He is frequently injured, but he has an all-around game that few can match. Known as "AK-47," he is a threat for the rarely seen quadruple-double ("That's 20 points, 10 rebounds, 10 assists.... and 10 steals. That's a Quadruple Double, boy.") on any given night.

   He scores at home, too. If you didn't follow that link I dropped up there, here are the bare bones of the story:

   Andrei Kirilenko's wife gives him one day a year where he can go do the Shagnasty with anyone he can get to do it with him. I'm not aware if this works for her, as well. Either way, he gets a one day pass to go hit skins like Charlie Watts.

   "It's the same way raising children," Masha Lopatova explained Wednesday. "If I tell my child, 'No pizza, no pizza, no pizza,' what does he want? Pizza!"  She also added that "if I know about it, it isn't cheating." She's been Mrs. AK-47 for 6 years... before he was rich, btw.

   She's not bad-looking herself, either.  She's actually a pop-star when she isn't lowering the bar for couples everywhere. He can do better, you say... until you review the One Day Pass policy.

   Here she is:  

   Opinions on her policy vary around both the NBA and the broadcast media.

   "Top five wife of all time," said Tony Kornheiser.

   Michael Wilbon, "Ain't Mrs. Kirilenko the coolest wife in the world or what?"

   "I'd just like one day of guilt-free golf," sighed Mike Greenberg.

   "NBA groupies are probably like potato chips: You can't have just one. Once he breaks open that bag of groupies, he'll probably fire right through the entire bag."  tried Jim Rome.

   Wives of players make it into the news now and then. Antonio Davis' wife fights with fans in the stands. Wayne Gretzky's wife just ruined his good name with her sports betting. Anna Benson got in the news by stating that- should her hubber think about the AK-47 policy in their marriage- she would run through his Mets teammates like a flu virus. "Batboys, announcers, managers..." said Benson, a model frequently seen in Maxim.

   The craziest NBA wife title is up for grabs, due to the retirement of Doug Christie. I already wrote this story in my AOL blog (See:Puddy Whipped).

   The anti-Dolemite, Christie lets his wife  run him like pantyhose. Wife-beater Jason Kidd tried to help (see the mature-audiences-only "Doug Christie Gets Some Much-Needed Marriage Advice From Jason Kidd"), but you can only bail out the Orca so long before you know she's a' sinkin'.

   My own marriage vows have a celebrity escape clause. If my hub can get Sarah Michelle Gellar into the sack for a bit of the old in-n-out, why should I deprive him of that? Likewise, if I can make a little money off the E network for my memoirs of how I broke up Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, he'd learn to understand someday. 'Prolly won't happen anyhow... and if it does, I'll end up home eventually.