Cape Cod Sports Desk

Death Or Taxes

The upcoming Super Bowl between New England and New York has me more than a bit worried.

I don't doubt that New England will administer a sugarcane-plantation-overseer whipping on the Giants... 18-0 is 18-0. No... what I fear is something that will reach beyond the game and throttle us all. I'll leave the point-spread stuff to the babysitter, who can't be tried as an adult yet.

I've never been that religious, but I do believe that all things fit into some greater Big Picture that no one truly understands. The eternal mystery is beyond our understanding, but it still manifests itself in patterns that can be seen and exploited by people who actively look for these sort of things.

What I see worries me. What I see is the Super Bowl as allegory... Boston vs New York... the symbolic representation of the upcoming Romney/Clinton race for the White House.

Sure... Hillary is no New Yorker, and Mitt may never set foot in Massachusetts again now that it is of no further use to him.... but it could very well be the Governor of Massachusetts against the Senator from New York this fall.

A literal Plastic Man, with a strange religion and maybe 3% of a personality... against a woman who is best known as a duped First Lady. Neither of them have a decade of elected political experience. You can argue that both of them sucked at the only political jobs they had... and most likely resented having to take said jobs.

The two politicians standing between Romney/Clinton are:

A) a POW who seems to have followed a  strategy of outliving all the other serious GOP candidates(quite predictable,considering the Nam time), and who most likely wants to kill everyone who is selling him out for the Mormon-come-lately... especially now that the winner of the nomination process gets to run against a Woman or a Black.

B) Our first serious Black candidate, who is hindered by the fact that his name rhymes with that of our most notorious criminal ever. Also... my babysitter-who has been elected Class President four times- has been in politics longer than Barack Obama has been.

Mitzy- who should have McCain figuring out and exploiting the fact that he kind of looks like a p***y- will have to campaign on a straight Nazi ticket just to get nominated, let alone capture the Bush vote... while Hillary will have to promise to carry every poor child from the cradle to the grave.

It's quite literally like having to choose between War and Famine. It also paints a Boston sports fan into a corner... you either get President Romney, or New York beats Boston at something and symbolically ends our domination of the Rotten Apple (and the tax-f**king commences). The GOP then starts to groom Jeb for 2012.

 After the Sox take the 2008 World Series, it'll all be downhill. Enjoy the last days.