Cape Cod Sports Desk

Run, You Little Tramp, Run! I Have Money On This!

Handicapping The Local High School Tournament Games...

  A lively betting industry revolves around Massachusetts high school sports. It tends to pick up in intensity after the NFL season is over, and serves to fill a nice void in a bettor's late-winter life.

A lot of bookies won't take action on schoolchildren... but a lot will, so we here at CCToday will do our darndest to make sure that you don't get rooked like a chess piece.... cuz Suckas Gotz To Know.

Remember... always bet carefully on games that can be thrown by someone giving a kid a pair of Timberlands... unless you're the one giving out the Timberlands.

Here are some marquee matchups, and how we're betting them.

Point spreads are good as of 2-29-08, 9 AM.

Division 1 North Boy's Basketball

East Boston at Charlestown (-17)

Charlestown is a state power in basketball... which is kind of funny because it's a heavily Irish town, with a black neighborhood occupying roughly the same footprint as the Sagamore Christmas Tree Shop. As recently as 2005, none of their players actually lived in Charlestown. Charlestown is 21-0, Eastie is 16-4, and a 17 point spread is too good for them. Take the Townies.

Malden at Central Catholic (-10)

Malden (14-6) is a tough town, but Central (19-2) gets to recruit more heavily. I'll take CC to win, but I'll give Malden (one of my teams used to call the Malden YMCA a home court, as we were too ghetto to have our own court... we even played one game outdoors) the benefit of the doubt, thinking that this one might be close.

Cambridge at Everett (-3)

Ev is 19-1, while the 'Bridge is 15-3. This game may actually be superior than ones you'll see in Division 2 college ball. My gut says Cambridge, but that itty-bitty point spread is talking to this columnist. Ahhh.....ummmm... Cambridge.

Lexington at Lowell (-8)

Suburban kids go into the city = Never Good. 19-1 vs 16-4. Lowell, by even twice that spread.

Division 1 South Boy's Hoop

Madison Park at Brockton (-14)

Rock City is 19-2, while Maddy is a humble 10-8. I don't think Maddy will win, but I think they'll beat that spread.

North Quincy vs Framingham (-5)

15-7 at 14-6.  I'll take NQ, almost entirely because of the spread.

Taunton at BC High (-10)

Taunton is 12-6, while BC High is 17-3. Unless someone on Taunton goes off for 35 or so, I'll tolerate that fat spread and take BCH.

Weymouth at Newton North (-6)

15-7 at 15-5. I have a cousin in Weymouth, so I choose them.

Girls Division 1 South Hoops

North Quincy at Franklin (-7)

Franklin was 17-3 in a weak conference, while NQ went 13-5 playing more urban schools. I'd take them (NQ) as 7 point favorites, and I'd leap at them as 7 point underdogs. I also lived in Quincy briefly, so I'm going Homer here.

New Bedford at Brockton (-3)

15-5 at 16-4... this one should be a slobberknocker, but I'll take Rockton holding off New Beddy to beat the spread.

 Weymouth at Barnstable (+1)

The bookies disrespect 16-4 Barney, while giving 13-5 Weymouth a little too much credit. Few carrots are dangled before the bettor more effectively than a Home 'Dog, and I'm taking the bait. Go Barney!

If Barnstable wins, the semifinal game is Sandwich at Barnstable. 12-6 Sandwich sits over the supine corpse of Marsh Vegas (Sandwich beat Marshfield 53-38 last night) as we speak, simply waiting for their sisters from the mid-Cape to make it a date.

Divison 2 South Girls Hoop

Notre Dame at Bishop Feehan (-14)

20-0 meets 14-7.... bet Feehan.

Whitman-Hanson at Wellesley (-6)

Even all these years after high school...Duxbury girls can't root for Whitman-Hanson girls, let alone bet on them to win.... UNLESS they're playing the team that knocked Duxbury out, at which point I hope they pound those sluts. Gimme that W/H, baby! 17-4 at 17-3, incidentally.

Dighton-Rehoboth vs. Walpole (-3)

Walpole (18-2) is always good, so look for them to stomp a mudhole in 16-4 D/R.

Medfield at Silver Lake (-12)

Monponsett is in the SilverLake (18-2) school district... kinda. I choose them over bumbling (13-7) Medfield, even with that cruel spread.

Divison 3 South Boys Hoop

Cardinal Spellman at Medfield (-20)

12-10 Spellman should get stomped by 20-0 Medfield, but both teams might COMBINE to score 90 points...tough to see one team winning by 20, especially if God likes Spellman better. I'll take the Cardinals.

Seekonk at Scituate (+1)

17-4 at 17-3. Another home dog, but I'm betting against them this time.

Abington at Norwell (-9)

Two landlocked South Shore towns going at it, 14-6 at 19-1. No one likes to get knocked out of the tournament by a neighboring town, so look for Abby to keep it close to the spread.

 Pembroke at Wareham (-11)

Pembroke (14-8) is a relatively new school system,and my scouts at Wareham High (18-2) tell me that the Ham will dole out a 30 point drubbing onto them. 11 points seems tame enough.... no need to humiliate high school kids.

Division 3 South Girls Hoop

Dedham at Westwood (-9)

Westy is 19-1, while Dead is 13-7. That 9 point spread should be higher, except that A) neighboring towns tend to have close games, as great mutual hatred often exists between the girls and B) girls high school games tend to be low-scoring affairs. I'm still taking Westwood, though.

Archbishop Williams at Rockland (-4)

Rockland is 18-2, but Archies is 16-2 and may have black girls. That tips the scales for me.

Hanover at Cardinal Spellman (-17)

Hanover is 14-4, while Spellman hasn't been beaten but once in 20 games. However... a friend of mine ended up playing at Spellman, and she beat me 1 on 1 one in a game that- due to both of us moving and getting older- I never got to avenge. My vengeance will be picking the huge underdog against her team.

Carver at Fairhaven (-1)

14-8 Carver smoked 6th seed Medway to get to this game, but the party is over against 17-1 Fairhaven.

Division 4 South Boys Hoop

Mashpee at Westport (-14)

Wesport is stocked at 18-2 or so, but 12-8 Mashpee will bring just enough pain to beat the point spread.

Cathedral vs SERVT (+3)

14-6 at 16-4, why not take the Visiting Favorite?

Dover/Sherborn at Hull (+1)

11-9 visits 13-8. Both teams knocked off higher seeds to get to this game, but D/S beat the #2 seed... so I'll take them over the Home Dog.

Nantucket at Avon (-1)

14-6 at 16-4. I wish this were a girls game, so I could make an Avon Ladies joke.... I'll take the ACK!

Division 4 South Girls Hoop

Millis vs Southeastern Christian (-1)

Miilis was 9-11 over the regular season, but already have Upper Cape VT and #1 overall Sacred Heart pinned down... SSC was 11-7, but whatever the Millis girls are doing now seems to be working, so why bet against them?

Cathedral at Chatham (-4)

10-10 Cathedral better stop at a clam shack and have a nice lobster roll, because 16-6 Chatham will make sure that it is the only nice memory that they leave Cape Cod with.

West Bridgewater at Cohasset (-7)

 18-2 Cohasset may still be importing players from the city, so favor them over 14-6 WB.

Hull at Nantucket (-7)

Gotta go with 18-2 Nanny over 11-9 Hull, although the Hull kids won't get seasick on the ferry ride like a lot of ACK opponents do.

We'll be back later to handicap hockey.

The Werewolf Shift

If you need any great insight into my personality, know that I went to bed at the same time as my 3 year old... because I wanted 4 hours of sleep so I'd be fresh for the Celtics road game at 10:30 against the Los Angeles Clippers. If I try to stay up for west coast games without a nap, I fall asleep on the couch.

I fed my husband tonight, got him an after-work Scotch, asked him about his day... then informed him that he had a Monday night to himself. Elle was around to watch Gabby, and maybe explain to her that Mommy needs naps, too. She won't explain that Mommy might be crazy, because Gabby is probably close to deducing that on her own.

Either way... I was up at 11:30, watching some Celtics. We're currently whipping the Clippers like they're a horse we want to move faster.

So far, so good.

The Celtics are finishing up a rough West Coast road trip. They do it every February, when the ice show (Disney On Ice, High School Musical this year..... which, I might add, Gabby and Elle loved)  takes over the Garden. The trip started out with 3 straight losses-to Denver, Phoenix and Golden State, with the Phoenix loss essentially being a nationally televised spanking. We beat Portland yesterday, and we're smoking the Clips like a fatty as I write this.

The NBA has been very interesting this year, and not just because a guy in a Superman outfit won a dunk contest from a guy who just missed grabbing a cupcake off a 10 foot platform with his teeth. This is important, because the NBA is all I have until the Red Sox start again (or until the Bruins recapture my interest... I should note that, when I was Gabby's age, I'd already watched probably 200 hockey games... the Bruins rarely get any play on the TV at my house, now).

I'm pretty deep into sports... and without prominent NFL stuff to think about, I tend to fall into a cycle of unnecessary home repairs, relentless sex, binge shopping, overeating, and wanton, copious drug abuse. Gabby and Melissa were both conceived during the NFL/baseball offseason. Idle hands, devil's workshop.

Of course... the only way the girls are getting a brother right now is if the Colonel feels like going to bed a half hour after he gets home from work... but that's not your problem, and we have Celtics to talk about.

The KG trade has paid immediate dividends. The Celtics gelled immediately, hit the ground running, and still have the best record in the NBA... even after a tough 2-3 road trip. Viewing the Celtics as a single organism... if I had a student who made such a Great Leap Forward like the Celtics have, I'd start doing research on the Smart Drugs that I'd be forced by logic to assume that the child had gotten into.

But we are not without flaws. If we win the title, Kendrick Perkins will be noted by history as the worst center to ever win a NBA title. Our bench is small, with our one good big man tending towards the chubby. While his exposure will likely be offset (by his talent) until the playoffs, Rajon Rondo is in over his head leading this team. I have very little faith in Doc Rivers winning a playoff coaching battle against a wide swath of likely playoff counterparts.

 Elle and Abdullah will handle the rest of the NBA, including the mass trading of superstars that went down last week. This column just likes to check in with the Celtics now and then, and you (the Internet) were the only ones up at this lycanthorpic hour.

Big, Fast, And Dumb

February Blues

I've never liked February... especially this past one.

 If that Super Bowl wasn't bad enough...well, that'd be a bad If/Then proposition, because the Soup actually WAS bad enough. I'll probably be feeling that until just before the NFL Draft in late April.

This week saw the NFL Scouting Combine happening. This is the event where they get all the NFL hopefuls and run them through all kinds of tests to see how strong/fast/smart/agile they are. This where fortunes are made and lost, as a bad workout can turn a million dollar payday into a hope-somebody-calls-me career buzzkill.

Likewise, people with marginal skills can go from nobody to Somebody with one 4.2 40 yard dash or by busting out 40 reps of 225 on the bench press in a minute. Both of those above stats speak of a Freak, someone so strong or fast that you pretty much bet millions of dollars that no one will be able to consistently catch or stop this man on a level playing field.

It's not an exact science. There are many Intangibles that can't be measured. Tom Brady was just some kid at the Scouting Combine after his senior year, ignored by (almost) all. Plenty have guys have shown that 4.3 speed, but it turns out that they can't catch the ball or remember plays in the NFL. The bench press can be offset by the truth- often spoken of in pro wrestling- that the weights don't fight back.

The Patriots hold a high draft pick this year, as our Spygate penalty only hit the lower of our first round picks. We pick 7th in the first round, which is where you get franchise players. We're either drafting a stud or trading down for multiple picks. If we keep it, look for us to draft a linebacker, a defensive back, or an offensive lineman.

I'm not that into college ball, but I read enough Hype to guess that we're looking at a choice between:

• DBs Mike Jenkins, Aqib Talib Leodis McKelvin, or Kenny Phiilps... with KP being a safety.
• DE/LB Vernon Ghloston, Calais Campbell (6'8"), Keith Rivers, Derrick Harvey, or Howie Long's son (if he drops to us).
• OT Jake Long, Ryan Cady, Jeff Otah, or Chris Williams.... average size, 6'6",  325 lbs.

What New England neeeds 
New England has three seemingly apparent needs. The offensive line took a terrific beating in the Super Bowl,and teams will be blitzing Brady like that all next season. Drafting a mammoth right tackle- or a left tackle good enough to force Matt Light to the right- would solve that.

Of course... our linebackers are getting old. One can see Bruschi and his strokes retiring, taking ancient Junior Seau with him. Roosevelt Colvin is oft-injured. Mike Vrabel isn't getting younger. Adalius Thomas is returning, and we have a contract on the table for Zach Thomas.... but he  JUST signed with Dallas.

Besides... cornerback Asante Samuel wants like a jillion dollars, and we won't give it to him. That leaves us with Randall Gay and Ellis Hobbs as our starting cornerbacks. That's just not tolerable.

So... I'd keep an eye on Jenkins, McKelvin and Talib, who should all be available when we draft. That would be option 1. Option 2 is moving down for more picks (Dallas has two late first rounders). Option 3 is Belichick drafting someone I don't know, which looks like a pretty good Option 1 upon reflection.

Most mock drafts I read have us picking Gholston or Jenkins. That will change after the combine.

Anywho... that's pretty much it for the NFL until the draft... unless we make a trade or something. This may change if someone does a 4.2 40, or gets a 5 on his Wonderlic test.

Facials

I missed the Daytona, although Gabby and Melissa enjoyed the Aquarium. (Note: The Daytona 500 is just about to start today... I must have missed the truck race or something.)

 The dunk contest was one in a million, though. I enjoyed it totally, as did the worn-out Gabby and Lissa (who conked out on the couch halfway thru).

Now... I realize that two articles in one weekend about guys jumping up and down may be a lot to ask of my readers, but this was a whole bunch of fun.

Famous dunks of the past include Dr. J taking off from the free throw line (a 12 foot running long  jump that requires one to be 10 feet in the air at the 12 foot mark, playground legend Helicopter grabbing  a quarter off the top of the backboard, Shaq or Daryl Dawkins breaking the backboard, Vince Carter leaping and dunking over a 6'10" French player, a nameless man from the 1990s CBA doing a catwheel off two basketballs while dunking both... and my personal favorite- a guy jumping over a car to dunk.

This year, we saw:

- Dwight Howard- who has the best body in the NBA, and maybe all of professional sports (sorry... I'm a girl)- threw the ball off the backboard, jumped up, caught it, and dunked it from behind the backboard...while smiling through the glass at the camera.

- Gerald Green (a former Celtic,and last year's winner) had a teammate place a birthday cupcake on the rim...and light the candle. Green then jumped into the air, caught a pass from a teammate, blew out the candle, and did a sick dunk.

- Jamario Moon- a former Harlem Globetrotter- was actually boring with his switching-the-ball-from-left-to-right-in-midair windmill.

- Rudy Gay- who took the innovative step of asking YouTube visitors (YouTube - Rudy Gay's Slam Dunk Promotion) to suggest and upload film of dunks for him... he came in last.

That was just round one.

Round two saw the former Globetrotter (Moon) try to break the Dr. J/Jordan distance record (dunking from about 6 inches within the free throw line), with the added twist of  catching a pass from a teammate. The distance proved to be too much, though... and his second try came from the more Jordanesque just-inside-the-free-throw-line distance.

Gerald Green had some poor soul sit on top of a ladder and hand him the ball in mid-air for a windmill.

Dwight Howard then replicated the Moon dunk... but, before doing so, he pulled off his jersey to reveal a Superman shirt...then a cheerleader came out and put a big red cape on him... and Howard- who is 6'11"- absolutely crushed the dunk. As impressive as the cupcake dunk was... this one won the contest.

Judge for yourself...

YouTube - 2008 NBA Slam Dunk Contest Part 01

YouTube - 2008 NBA Slam Dunk Contest Part 02

The winner was Dwight Howard, and his eff-me-now-please shoulders.

Strange Daytona 500 fact.....

I've never written a book... but I did write a foreword for a book. It was about NASCAR, which I know nothing about... but they guy asked me, so what was I to do?

Amazon.com: Restrictor Plate THIS!: An Unapologetic Look At Stock Car Racing: Books

Ebony and Ivory

Updates: 

Yes, I'm still pissed about the Super Bowl.

Yes, Elle and I are still friends. We fight all the time, usually over sillier reasons than "had to stop Stacey from going out into the street and killing people." This one was small potatoes.

Yes, Elle is recovering. I broke some ribs on her, and somehow injured her pancreas. I personally walked out of the riot without a scratch... although I was knocked out briefly. I blamed the Colonel, who said that "an asteroid hit you."

Yes, we let the column go for a few weeks. There was no plan in place for this particular situation. Normally, I get the hospital time while Elle writes the column. We lacked a plan to cover "Elle goes to the hospital, while Stacey is too grouchy to blog." Abdullah- who is normally option #3- was travelling.

It would probably be easier for all of us if I just attacked Abdullah, but things don't always break down the way they should.... besides, he'd kill me.

So.. that's what's up. As to our job...providing Cape Cod's most intense sports coverage.... let's get down to what your ESPN is doing this weekend:

Today is interesting because two champions will be crowned, by very different parties. We're not talking Obama and McCain. They're closer than the two champs we'll see tonight.

No... by tonight... we'll have a new Daytona 500 winner, and a new NBA Slam Dunk Champion.

Winning a Slam Dunk title sort of automatically gives you the upper hand in a Most Soul contest. If there were a Decathalon for soul (a Deblackalon?), a Slam Dunk championship would be right up there with winning a VMA or knowing how to Crip Walk.

Likewise... a Daytona 500 win makes you the king of Nashville for a while, as it is the main event in stock car racing. A win at Daytona makes you the White Bread Warlord, and your opinion suddenly alters sales forecasts for things like chewing tobacco and cheap beer.

So... in  a nutshell... the whitest man and blackest man in American Sport are crowned today... one in Louisiana, the other in Florida.... while millions sleep in Europe.

I like that they're crowned on the same day. I suppose it's always been like this. NASCAR and the NBA are about 3 and 4 respectively on the sports popularity chart...depending on how you view golf and wrestling as "sports." They both put big events on the weekend after the NFL finishes.

I suppose NASCAR will be the big ratings winner... although the NBA goes through three days of skills challenges, celebrity games, rookie games, dunk contests, and the actual All Star Game itself. Everyone makes money... it's all good.

Enjoy:

YouTube - ESPN 20th Century's Best NBA Dunks

YouTube - NASCAR Nextel Cup - Crazy Daytona 500 2007 Finish

Montezuma's Revenge

A friend of this page has some useful information about the Pat's loss in the Super Bowl.  

It might seem wild, but it isn't. Duke once lost a title game, partially due to their best player suffering from diarrhea(?). When they played the same team the following season, they beat them.  

Did the Patriots literally shit the bed in the Super Bowl?  

They were listless, a step behind the play, easily overpowered, and faded as the game progressed. The best offense in NFL history only got 14 points on a team they had surged past 30 points against about a month earlier.   The previous game was a high scoring affair. This one was a sloppy trench war. The Patriots won the shootout...the Giants won the slugout.  

My big scoop leads to several uncomfortable questions:  

- Was the Super Bowl decided by one team getting sick all at once?  

- How much do you really think it would cost to bribe a sickly hotel chef to maybe cough into the Patriot's food?  

- Were the Patriots perhaps drugged?  

- If we can prove that they were drugged (and that a Giant person was behind it), what should the NFL do? Forfeit the game? Take away the Giant's first round pick?  

 - Will the Super Bowl ever be played in Arizona again? If so, will players bring their own food and water?  

- With bookmakers taking historic beatings after this game, will the Mafia murder someone prominent?  

Anyhow... here's the letter I got, shortly after the Super Bowl. The "brawl" that Gerry refers to was between EOB columnists Stacey and Elle....      

I don't know what to make of this brawl, but I rushed over here to tell the sports person or people who write this blog that I have some inside scoop as to why the Patriots lost.  You know I live in Arizona, right?  My sister's boyfriend who is a Mexican with a green card (very important now days) who just got recertified after months of delay works in a big hotel north of the stadium.  The Patriots had been housed over in Scotsdale but moved themselves over to this hotel because it was closer to the stadium, I don't know how many days before.  Many of them came down with the runs, even accused the cook of putting something in their food!  Meaning they were thinking about something else during the gave and attributed the bad food to losing.  This would have could have happened in Mexico had the Superbowl been played there, but it is true, the Patriots might not have been prepared for Arizona germs the natives have become immune, to.  Does this mean we will not get another superbowl here any time soon?  I don't know.  You might investigate this story by interviewing the affected players.  I am a fan of Stacey, Elle, and Abdullah, whoever writes this blog as I love a good sense of humor. And I don't want Stacey to be felled so low by the conviction that the Patriots choked.  Not even great football players are prepared to ignore everything for the win.   Gerry http://journals.aol.com/gehi6/daughters-of-the-shadow-men/

18 and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Elle here...

As you've seen in the past... Stacey sort of goes life and death with these games. Seeing as the Pats just choked on the biggest game of the year, you can imagine her mental state right now. She's a threat to others and herself.

 So... the next time she turns her back... we're going to sedate her. This will be an Elle-jumps-her-from-behind-and-strangles-her type of sedation. Seeing as she lost a summer from the Red Sox just teasing her with choking, we'll put her recovery from this at 2-3 months.

Honestly... if you could see her face right now.... it's an enraged disappointment.

She's about 5 feet tall, drunk, and not expecting it... and her husband- who fought in Mogadishu- is refusing to be the one who takes her out. So it falls to me....

I don't know what this family is going to do when I go off to college next year, I really don't.

Wish me luck... I'm going in...

UPDATE:

Abdullah here.

Stacey saw Elle coming, was able to parry her assault... and the brawl went through the living room, out into the street, and down onto the beach. Stacey was holding Elle's head under the water of Little Buttermilk Bay when the Colonel finally stepped in and put her out with some sort of Mr. Spock neck pinch.

Stacey is bleeding from the head, and I would estimate that Elle broke a few ribs when they went through the coffee table (which is was solid oak). Elle also swallowed a lot of water. Stacey is now in a sort of fitful sleep, and we're currently seeking out some heavy sedatives from the local black market.

We're listing Stacey as being out 6 to 8 weeks (the revitalization of the Celtics should speed her recovery), while Elle probably won't have a sense of humor for 2 weeks. Either I'll be writing this column until then, or we'll recruit one of Stacey's AOL friends.

That's all from Buzzards Bay... we now take you back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Someone asked...

Elle made a roast, and bought a dozen serving trays. We all  got to eat in front of the TV.

Just like a TV dinner, except that she was cooking all afternoon.

U Can't Touch My Riches

You can find football picks all over the Internet. Log on to ESPN or something... you'll see picks made by Hall Of Fame players and coaches, lifetime analysts, and gambling enthusiasts. These men are experts, and they possess knowledge and insight that this column- no matter how intense the authors may be- will never be able to match.

In fact.... you'd be hard-pressed to find a sports betting columnist less-qualified than a teenage girl.... especially if she just picked up the sport like last year. I still pick games by jersey color, by who the quarterback is dating,  by the mascot (this is how I choose if no aspect of either team impresses me), or by asking a 5 year old. I've never played the game. The person who hired me to write in her stead is actually quite crazy. If you ever wagered money based on what I said here, you're a fool.

I believe in a God far removed from Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or any of those Asian religions with all the tae kwon do.... a God who isn't above intervening in professional football games, often quite capriciously. This God occasionally works through the Mafia, for some reason. I not only think that Curses are real, I think that more than one has been at work in this playoff tournament alone.

I should add that, despite my unconventional religious beliefs, I strongly believe in Karma, the Hail Mary, jihad-like devotion to the team, David vs Goliath, Zen... and I invoke the name of the Son Of God several times per quarter, often 5 times in the same sentence. All religions get along in my mind just fine when someone's lining up a field goal attempt.

 God rewards those who figure out his true nature, like I have. He is pleased when you invoke his name during late game drives. He gives insight to his disciples, and rewards them with big payoffs from the bookie.

That's why I'm going with my gut and taking the Patriots with that ungodly 12 point spread.

Here's why:

- We already beat them once. Sure, it was close...but we took their best shot and still whupped 'em.

- The Patriots always prepare well, and they've had 2 weeks to get ready for the G Unit.

- The Giants have a Manning at QB. The Mannings lose to the point where, if I had an actual totem to focus on, I'd think a Jinx were in place. I believe that Peyton won his Super Bowl to pass the jinx onto Eli, and the greater purpose of the jinx is to harm Archie.

- Besides being a Manning, Eli is a young quarterback.... and Belichick mind-rapes young QBs in big games. He'll own Eli for three years, even if he never sees him again..... which, with making the playoffs bearing such a strong factor in them meeting again, may just be the case. Belly will be laying out the How To Beat Eli manual for all to see.

You don't f*** with B Double... B Double does the f****ng.

- This season, the Patriots beat the previous season's Super Bowl champ, then team who won before them, the best team west of Texas (twice), the best regular season team in the NFC, the previous team we played in the Super Bowl, the team who won the Super Bowl the year before we started winning it.... and we went 18-0 and broke just about every passing record.

- I've considered giving the Giants 35 points in one betting scenario I was involved in. I passed on a 80 point over/under, but just barely. I did put $100 on Eli not finishing the game (10:1)... so if you see him get injured, know that I just made a thousand dollars and that I'm laughing as he writhes on the field.

- The G Unit's coach is a known eccentric. The guy who knocked up his daughter? Tom Coughlin drafted him, just to keep an eye on him. Tom has also fined players thousands of dollars for only being 5 minutes early to a team meeting. Our coach just cheats a bit, and has a lucky Hoody.

- Eli's girl wishes that she were with Tom Brady, and both of them know it.

- This looks like one of those old 1980s Super Bowls, where a Team For The Ages stomps all over whatever footnote the other conference proffered.

So... with all that in mind... and with a 12 point spread.... and lots of money on the table.... how will this column be betting?

It's a blowout. I see a nervous first quarter being followed by a deep bomb orgy that repeatedly violates the G Unit secondary for touchdown after touchdown. The G's will get a late second quarter score that cuts the gap to 3 touchdowns, but we come out for the second half and push the score past 40.

Eff the Giants. This is simply someone else's year.

New England, 41-24