Cape Cod Sports Desk

Jason Varitek To Retire, Kenseth Wins Daytona [Sports]

14 Years, 4 No  Hitters, 2 World Series Titles

The Boston Red Sox will be shopping for a new catcher/captain after the expected retirement of Jason Varitek this Thursday.

Boston had offered him a minor league deal, but Jason wasn't likely to beat out the other catchers on the team.

Varitek had career averages of .256 BA, 193 HRs, and 757 RBIs. he caught no-hitters by Hideo Nomo, Clay Buchholz, Derek Lowe and John Lester.

JV can almost be assured of some post-playing role in the organization if he desires it. Our catchers this season will be Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Kelly Shoppach.

Varitek will always be loved here for snuffing Alex Rodriguez during a rivalry defining how-do-you-do.

Rest easy, Jason!

Monday Night Daytona 500!

Matt Kenseth won an unusual Daytona 500 last night. They usually run the Daytona on Sunday, but the weather didn't cooperate.

It was a great race for people like me, who don't really watch a lot of car racing. There were several spectacular crashes. Juan Montoya's car exploded like the Mossad thought he wsas an Iranian nuclear scientist.

The Daytona is sort of like the 4th of July to NASCAR people. Kenseth's Daytona victory won him $1,589,397.

High School Basketball Standings [Cape Cod Sports Desk Blog]

Checking In With The Kids

First off.... At the state gymnastic meet, Kim Stewart of Nauset came in third at 37.275, snagging the top score on the beam out of everybody. She's a well-balanced girl.

Congratz, Kim!

On to the basketball standings...

Boys Basketball

Atlantic Coast

Falmouth...16-1, #20 overall in Massachusetts

Marshfield... 13-5

Plymouth South... 11-8

Dennis Yarmouth... 8-10

Sandwich... 3-12

Plymouth North... 5-13

Nauset... 2-12

Cape and Islands

Pope John Paul II... 3-1

Nantucket... 2-6

Provincetown... 0-0

Cape Cod Academy... 0-2

Cape Cod Tech... 0-2

Sturgis... 0-2

Chatham... 0-6

Old Colony

Barnstable... 13-4

Taunton... 7-3

Dartmouth... 3-10

Bridgewater-Raynham... 5-13

Also... ("Also" = "schools from the area in leagues that I don't feel like typing out")

New Bedford, 10-4, #2 in the Big Three Conference

Durfee... 1-11, #3 in the Big Three Conference

Martha's Vineyard.. 3-2, #3 in the Eastern Athletic Conference

Upper Cape... 0-2, #7 in the Mayflower Athletic Conference

Wareham... 19-0, #1 South Coast Conference, #13 overall in Massachusetts

Bourne... 14-6, #3 South Coast Conference

Harwich... 5-10, # South Shore Conference

Mashpee... 4-11, #7 South Shore Conference

Girls Basketball

Atlantic Coast

Falmouth... 18-2, #14 overall in Massachusetts

Marshfield... 14-5

Sandwich... 5-7

Plymouth South... 5-8

Plymouth North... 3-8

Nauset... 2-12

Dennis-Yarmouth... 2-8

Cape and Islands

Provincetown... 0-0

Sturgis... 0-0

Nantucket... 0-2

Chatham... 0-2

Pope John Paul... 0-5

Cape Cod Tech... 0-5

Cape Cod Academy  0-6

Old Colony

Barnstable... 14-4

Taunton... 10-10

Dartmouth... 5-5

Bridgewater-Raynham... 1-15 

Also...

New Bedford...16-3, #1 in Big Three, #10 overall in Massachusetts

Durfee...6-6, #2 in Big Three

Martha's Vineyard...5-5, #4 in Eastern Athletic

Upper Cape... 3-3, #5 in Mayflower II

Duxbury... 12-7, #1 in Patriot (Keenan)

Fairhaven...15-2, #1 in South Coast

Wareham... 7-9, #5 in South Coast

Bourne... 9-11, #6 in South Coast

Harwich...7-4, #3 in South Shore

Mashpee... 0-3, 12th in Independents

Light snow possible overnight [Nor'easter Blues]

Snow Lovers Will Take What They Can Get

A weak area of precipitation will pass over Massachusetts tonight, and we may even get some snow out of it.

The ground is too warm (temperatures were near 50 today) for much accumulation, but we could get a coating to an inch. The squall will hit us long after dark, when the temperature will dip to freezing. It could start as rain, however.

From what I see at around 5:45 PM, the snow won't make it our way until bedtime hours.... bedtime for normal people, say maybe 9-11 PM. It all depends on how well the squalls coming NW to SE out of NY hold together. Here's the link to a current radar shot, if you are reading this later on.

If you sleep late, you may miss the snow. Temps are supposed to get into the 40s tomorrow. We may even hit the 50s a few times this upcoming week.

That storm you've been hearing about is forecast by everybody to stay well South of us, although Virginia might get 6 inches of snow out of it. She's in Alabama at the moment, and would be a terrific storm if she made it up here. She won't, though.

If you plan to ravage the Shenandoah Valley tomorrow, you may be in a jam... but New England misses yet another snowstorm. We get these wimpy flurries. We'll keep you informed.

Tim Wakefield retires [Sports Desk]

Sox Knuckleballer Was 200-180 For His Career

A long era came to an end today as Boston Red Sox pitcher Tim Wakefield announced his retirement.

Wakefield came to Boston in 1995, and was important in our rotation 16 years later. He was 186-168, and was the team leader in innings (3006) and starts (430) over his career in Boston. He played 2 years in Pittsburgh before coming here.

Only Roger Clemens and Cy Young had more wins with Boston than Wakefield. Wake had a shot at catching them last year, but he endured a long streak without a win. He was 7-8 last season, and had a 5.12 ERA. At 45 years old, he only has so much left, and he'll enjoy it in his retirement.

Baseball still has a few knuckleball pitchers around, but Wakefield was the king of them. He was with the team for both of their World Series wins.

Enjoy your retirement, Tim!

Weather and sports all in one column!

Snow Forecast For Saturday

Enjoy today, which will be sunny and near 50 degrees. Our mild winter will get a bit tundra-esque this Saturday as a storm hits us.

Ya start with some energy moving in from the West, add in some Gulf moisture, and send it into New England as a blast of polar air arrives. What you get is a snowstorm.

This won't be a blockbuster that you'll tell your grandkids about, but the potential is there for 1-5 inches of the Canadian Marching Powder. I give that wide range because Cape Cod could end up with some mixing. The main snowfall will occur in the South Shore's interior, where maybe 6 inches could fall. Not too shabby.

The fun should start Saturday morning, and the precip should fall for most of the day. Any mixing with rain that we see should be earlier in the event, so even you Outer Cape people should get some sledding in. This isn't a bread/milk storm, but you may want to get an extra pack of smokes before you head home Friday evening.

It's too early for a responsible weather source to predict snowfall totals, so I'll give it a shot. Interior Plymouth, 6"... Buzzards Bay (village), 4".... Falmouth, 3".... Chatham 2". Snow lovers may or may not be comforted by the fact that our rainfall could be very intense. Even the outer Cape should be all snow by 3-4 PM or so. Our snow will be on the back end of the storm, and may last through Sunday AM.

Also, the wind should be strong out of the northeast, 10-20 mph with gusts over 40. This, coupled with the waning full moon tides, could pose a bit of a problem for east-facing shorelines on the Cape and on the South Shore. It doesn't look like a backbreaker, but you always want to keep an eye to the sea.

After the storm and the associated cold front push through, we get really friggin' frigid. Lows will be in the teens overnight Saturday, and the highs on Sunday won't escape the 20s. Monday looks much the same, before things mellow out a bit.

You probably don't need me to tell you that a sloppy storm like this, followed by a rapid freeze-up (temperatures could drop 25-35 degrees in 12 hours) will lead to some dreadful roads Sunday morning. Plan accordingly.

We're a crucial day before the storm, and the forecast has a way of changing... especially rain/snow lines. We have an eye on things, and we'll keep you informed.

Lakers Beat Celtics in Overtime

The Boston Celtics saw their 5 game winning streak come to an end at the hands of the Los Angeles Lakers. The final score was 88-87.

Paul Gasol and Kobe Bryant combined for 52 points to pace LA. The Celtics faded down the stretch, and a last second shot by Ray Allen was snuffed by that big llama-looking Gasol.

Ray Allen had 22 for Boston, who shot 39% and took only 5 free throws. They also were murdered on the boards, as Gasol and Andrew Bynum had a collective 31 rebounds. Boston, as a team, had 43.

The pain was somewhat eased by the fact that Paul Pierce was named to the NBA All Star Team, representing the East. Kevin Garnett saw a streak of ASG appearances end.

Back To The Grind

Post Super Bowl Sports Desk Begins

Those "New England Patriots 2012 Super Bowl Champion" t-shirts were definitely made up, as even Santa would have trouble cranking out 2 million tshirts after the game and having them in the store Monday.

What happens is that the shirts are generally given to charity, and then sent to a developing nation. After the Pats lost to the Giants in their previous Super Bowl tilt, the tshirts ended up in Papau New Guinea or something.

Celtics Win, Pierce Hits Milestone

The Boston Celtics are on a hot streak after a slow start to this lockout-marred season. Last night, the Celtics put a whipping on the Charlotte Bobcats, 94-84.

Kevin Garnett led Boston with 22 points, and Ray Allen added 17. Rajon Rondo had 14 assists. Boston's record now stands at 14-10, and they pushed the Bobcats down to 3-22.

A truly special moment went down when Paul Pierce sank a three pointer to move past Larry Bird on the Celtics all-time scoring list. He now has 21, 797 career points as a Celtic, trailing only John "Hondo" Havlicek's 26, 395 points.

Pierce had a fine all-around game, scoring 15 points, handing out 9 dimes and snatching 8 caroms.

Boston slugs it out on national TV tomorrow night when they host the 14-11 Los Angeles Lakers.

Big ups to the Truth! Beat LA!

There's Always A Bright Side...

Although It Is Sometimes The Flames Of Hell

It's halftime somewhere, we guess

A few people wanted to know how my betting went during the Super Bowl.

Before I answer, I should add that I have Abdullah as an advisor. It was Abdullah who convinced me to call for a Safety in the first half, 12 hours before it happened. I did have the pleasure of announcing that there would be a Safety right before there was a Safety, both that morning in the newspaper and at the party right after the punt.

The safety made me think of an impending blowout, but the Pats held it together and made a game of it. The simple technical bottom line of this game is that we didn't have the players we needed. The Giants ran at the spots Ty Warren and Richard Seymour used to man. They threw where Asante Samuel used to patrol. They denied us the deep threat Randy Moss used to guarantee us.

We were an average team that overacheived because we have a great coach, a great QB, and a world-beater tight end who was too hurt to get it done Sunday. Rob Gronkowski would have given us a few more first downs, if not another score. Nobody would have been asking Giselle Bunchden about the flaws in our passing attack if Gronk played, and it doesn't matter if she was basically correct.

Either way, I did well on my betting. I had the Patriots winning by less than the point spread, which is the long way of saying that I bet on the Giants. That was the big bet, and it made any other errors I made matter very little.

I started off OK. Even with a potentially contentious 5 second snare drum roll before she started singing, Kelly Clarkson easily got the over on the national anthem. Even people who had the Under admitted that she took around 1:37 or so. There wasn't even a hint of a belly showing, which made me some money.

I had to throw $50 to someone because Kelly was a smidge under 165 pounds- we estimated she was in the upper 150s. One conspicuous thing... the camera was on Kelly for maybe 5 seconds of the national anthem, and it was always a close-up of her face. I was screaming towards the end that they weren't showing her lower half because she was over 165, but they pulled the camera back at the end. I gave up the money, but if she was giving up 10 pounds like the Pats were giving up 3.5 points..

Madonna lip-synched through the halftime show. She was blonde, which made me money. She was wearing regular pantyhose instead of fishnets (the key to judging whether she's in hose is to look at her upper arms and her upper thighs... if they are a different shade, she's hosed), which cost me money. Her wearing no NFL gear made me some paper, and that was all I bet with Madge. I found myself wishing that I could have made bets like, "She can't dance anymore" or "She'll lip-synch." Stephen's prediction that she'd employ the Naughty Cheerleader routine was right on, and I could have predicted 40 backup dancers instead of 20.

Her entrance- carried in by what appeared to be a complete Roman centurion legion- was awesome. Having "Like A Virgin" not be allowed took away 1/3 of her recognizable songs. Me at 35, the Colonel in his 40s, Ellen in her late teens, and a dozen other party guests could not identify several songs she performed. Her dancing was wooden, and any performer who merits a halftime show should not be blown off the stage by what appeared to be a eunuch tightrope artist. Madonna should adopt Dr. Dre's career path, and start looking for the next Eminem to executive produce. It ain't 1983 anymore, kid.

I didn't bet any commercials, although the Fiat commercial got some laughs. The Colonel noted that the commercial was basically a replay of the first time I slept with him... a foreign woman slaps an overmatched man, whispers some zhou zhou zhou in his ear, and he ends up buying her a luxury car.

I never thought Seinfeld was that funny on his show, so his commercial didn't let me down much. The beer-fetching dog commercial was a lot like how Eddie Van Halen's reaction to the film Spinal Tap went (he was rumored to believe that Spinal Tap was a documentary, not a comedy) to anyone who has ever owned a Border Collie.

Halftime in America?

Clint Eastwood desperately needs to be holding a large gun on you to appear tough.- I was actually concerned that he might seize up and die during his Detroit commercial.

We're turning the Sports Desk into Access: Hollywood at this point, so I'll bail out. We'll be back in a few days to write the 2011 Patriots eulogy. After that, we let the Patriots vacation until the NFL draft in late April.

Curses, foiled again...Giants 21, Patriots 17

Giants 21, Patriots 17

Well, I covered, and I even called the safety. I feel no better with that consolation, so I guess you don't either.

Maybe we'll get 'em next year.

Heard a joke once:

Man goes to doctor.

Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain.

Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears.

Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci."

Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum.

Curtains.

Fade to black.

Fee Fi Fo Fum!

Win some, lose some, it's all the same to me

Things To Bet On With This Super Bowl

    Bruschi the Bulldog, wearing his Patriots shirt.

Bovada provides a valuable public service by offering prop bets on the Super Bowl. Prop bets are those unusual bets that your bookie would slap you for if you tried to place them with him.

I love prop bets. I was way ahead for the day by the time the National Anthem ended last year. I bet on amazingly silly stuff, and the Natty Ant was tops. Everyone on the planet thought that Christina Aguilera did a poor job, but I thought that the child was wonderful.

Here's how Xtina made me money last year:

• She was blonde instead of brunette
• She had no streaks in her hair
• She was wearing a dress
• She was wearing a black dress
• She was wearing pantyhose
• She didn't wear a hat or NFL gear
• She did that hand gesture thing she does when she holds a note, and she did it more than 2.5 times
• She held the land of the freeeeeeee note for more than 6 seconds
• She took longer than 2 minutes (I reviewed several Xtina Natty Ant performances before making this bet, including her at a Penguins game when she was 13)
• The flyover happened after the home of the brave part

I don't recall there being a prop bet on her flubbing the lyrics, but I'd imagine that there will be one this year. I took a beating during the Black Eyed Peas segment, but I was ahead for good by then.

This is generally a popular article, and I do it every year. It is a very sad illustration of how low I've sunken as a human being. If Internet Sports Geekdom were a religion, the Holy Trinity for me would be 1) the NFL Draft (which I can happily watch for 8 actionless hours), 2) any fantasy football activities, but especially me agonizing over a roster move for more than 5 minutes, and 3) Super Bowl prop bets. You really can't get any worse.

For example, we were once watching that part before the game where they flip the coin to determine who gets the ball first, and I suddenly shouted "F*CK!!!" None of us were rooting for either team in the Super Bowl, so everyone jumped at the unexpected outburst. I had to be like, "I had Arizona on the coin flip."

Some of the Colonel's friends were meeting me for the first time, and up until then, I had been a very polite and French hostess. "It was kind of like if Obama suddenly called someone a p*ssy during the State of the Union address," one of them later told him.

Anywho, I'll do you the service of highlighting some of the better prop bets available to you this weekend.

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