Cape Cod Tourist Quiz

Everything a visitor wants to know about The Cape

By Walter Brooks

Yes, even I was once a tourist here, admittedly many decades ago, so long ago in fact that the Mid-Cape Highway ended at Exit 6 and Route 132.  This was on my last visit before becoming a washashore with my native Cape Codder wife.

But the questions I needed answered back then are basically the same ones our visitors still ask today.

In fact,  a couple years ago I asked the friendly greeters at the chamber booth at exit 6 & Route 132 what were the questions they were most asked. The response was,

1. "Where is Cape Cod?" and
2. "Is this the way to Providence?" Yes, I suppose the word Providence does resemble the word Provincetown.

Knowing about the first question will make you better appreciate the last question in our quiz below.

However, in my quest for complete disclosure on this vital issue, I drove two more miles towards Hyannis on Route 132 and asked the equally friendly folks at the Information Booth outside Filene's department store in the Cape Cod Mall the same question.

There goes the neighborhood

They said the the #1 question asked of them was, "Where are the rest rooms?"

Let's all remember as we joke about these visitors who bring most of the money to Cape Cod that we were all once tourists here ourselves.  It's all too easy to adopt the "will the last person over the bridge please pull it up" attitude.

In fact, one local historian claims that when the first Wampanoag brave saw the Mayflower approaching Cape Cod back in 1620, he turned to his sqaw and said, "well, honey, there goes the neighborhood."

The bitter frustration for the average tourist is that they want to go to places where there are no tourists.  Or as the 1960's French sex kitten Brigitte Bardot once said, "I am leaving the town to the invaders:  increasingly numerous, mediocre, dirty, badly behaved, shameless tourists."

Perhaps Sandwich author Paul Theroux said it best: "Tourists don't know where they've been, travelers don't know where they're going."  Now you're ready to chuckle at our quiz, and add a few silly ones you may think of in "comments" below.

Questions we ask about Tourists & tourists ask about Cape Cod

1. If swimming is good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
2. Why is it that where you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on your radio?
3. If there's a sign on a restaurant door saying “Seeing Eye Dogs Only!”, who is supposed to read this? The dog?
4. If the universe is expanding, why can’t I find a parking place in Provincetown?
5. Why do you spell Cohog with a Q?
6. Do fish ever get thirsty?
7. Why did Noah include Greenhead Flies in his ark?
8. Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close up?
9. Is it true that on Cape Cod there are two classes of travel:
   1.) first class, and
   2.)with children
10. Do Seagulls have knees?
11. Would the ocean be deeper without sponges?
12. Why do tourists drive 600 miles to take their photographs standing next to their own cars?
13. If terrorists are tourists with guns, does that make tourists terrorists with cameras?
14. Why is it that visitors think that everyone is wrong here?
15. Why does travel bring out the John McEnroe in tourists?
16. Is it true that the time to enjoy Cape Cod is about three weeks after you unpack?
17. Was the Mid Cape Highway built so visitors could get from one end of Cape Cod to the other without seeing anything?

Now how about sharing any silly tourist questions you've heard by using the comments area below. You can even be anonymous if you wish.